06/19/2024
It’s been…
- zero days since I’ve cried 😭😭😭😭 myself to sleep
- six days since I saw his face
- six days since I’ve talked to him
- Six days since I’ve hugged him
- Six days since I’ve kissed his forehead
- Six days since I’ve held his hand
- Six days since they draped him with a flag and carried him out of our home
- Six days since his grand babies told him they loved him
- eight days since he opened his eyes
- Eight days since he said ‘mmmhmm’ to me when I talked to him
- Eight days since all his five kids came to love on him
- Eight days since the nurse said, it’s time 😭
- Nine days since his blood pressure dropped dangerously low
- 10 days since he used words to tell me how he was doing
- 11 days since I gave him meds every 4hrs to keep him comfortable
- 11 days since I told the hospital to let me bring him home
- 12 days since he asked me what time it was
- 13 days since I heard his laugh
- 13 days since he said, “I believe I can leave” 😢
- 14 days since they admitted him to the hospital under constant watch in the IMCU
- 15 days since I sent him to the ER to get more care
- 20 days since starting antibiotics
- 21 days since the nurse heard wetness in his lungs
- 23 days since held his hand and danced with him
It hurts like the Dickens every.single.day and I was scared as what to bring him home from the hospital (instead of inpatient hospice as suggested) tasked with the emotionally overwhelming responsibility to help him transition without pain and suffering. 😭 But it was important to me to hold his hand, and remind him of all the good that he did, and remind him of all the people that love him, and remind him that it’s OK to let go and rest because he’s been doing life for 81 years.
My father, Charles Jefferson, or “Jeff“, to those who knew him well took his final breaths just before 11am on the morning of June 13th. There was never a dull moment with my first love, my ‘young man’. To know him was to truly love him. 🥹 He kept to himself often and preferred it that way. Who knows how long it’s been since he told me, “I’m from Missouri. You’re gonna have to show me.” Or “I can show you better than I can tell you.” Or “a hit dog’ll holler.” Or even “a lie don’t care who tell it.” 🤣🤦🏽♀️🥲
I miss literally everything about him. 😭🥺 Can’t wait until I see him again in perfect health. 🥰🙏🏽
Love on your people while they’re here.