TheCatalystcoaching.com

07/10/2024

About Me

About Me By Hannah  Posted July 10, 2024  In Blog About Me2024-07-102024-07-10http://thecatalystcoaching.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/black.pngThe Catalyst Coachinghttp://thecatalystcoaching.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/black.png200px200px 0 Share this:PrintTweetEmailLike this:Like Loading... ...

07/08/2024

What kind of communicator are you? Do you engage in debating with your partner or are you open to dialogue? In this episode, I discuss the importance of knowing what kind of communication is at play and how it helps or hinders your ability to create LOVE AT HOME. Join me! Check out this episode!

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07/06/2024

Look for what you want to see.

Instead of noticing, accentuating, or pointing out things in your partner you don't like - ask yourself first, "could it be me?"

Instead of: "you're being so critical!"
Consider being introspective: "is it possible I'm being extra sensitive right now?"

We find what we look for every single time.

What do you want to see?

What would create more LOVE AT HOME?

1.) Go check out the podcast - LOVE AT HOME
2.) Follow me on SM
3.) Subscribe to the weekly newsletter (link below)
4.) Sign up for the 1-1 coaching

Link: www.thecatalystcoaching.com

07/04/2024

We all have what is known as a "confirmation bias" - our brains lookout for what we think and believe - especially when it comes to our relationships.

If you believe your spouse is self-centered, your brain is going to look for and accentuate evidence to prove it true for you. It doesn't actually make it true but it overlooks and actually filters out anything that doesn't fit this bias.

The thing is, we are complex individuals. We are never just one thing - we might be self-centered but we're also kind and selfless.

Do yourself and your relationship a huge favor today: on purpose LOOK FOR what you want to see.

Start tracking all the times when your spouse said or did things that are kind, considerate, and caring.

Build a case, collect "evidence" that works in favor of your spouse and that contributes to LOVE AT HOME.

It's a game changer for sure!


1.) Go check out the podcast - LOVE AT HOME
2.) Follow me on SM
3.) Subscribe to the weekly newsletter (link below)
4.) Sign up for the 1-1 coaching

Link: www.thecatalystcoaching.com

07/02/2024

It's easy to see the things we don't like.
It's easy to complain, blame, or find fault.
It's also easy to slip into discord with your partner and create an unhealthy, unhappy dynamic in your home.

What would change for you if instead of pointing out things you don't like - you offered potential solutions or ideas?

There are going to be many opportunities when your preferences clash:

Money
Household tasks/living
Parenting
Etc

Finding fault is easy but it won't and cannot create what you really want...

LOVE AT HOME

Be solutions focused.
Think partnership, collaboration, consideration

How can we make this work for both of us?

Challenge for you:
Before you bring anything up to your spouse think of at least three potential solutions first.

Ideas are contagious.
It invites curiosity rather than judgement, connection rather than contempt, caring over criticism.


1.) Go check out the podcast - LOVE AT HOME
2.) Follow me on SM
3.) Subscribe to the weekly newsletter (link below)
4.) Sign up for the 1-1 coaching

Link: www.thecatalystcoaching.com

07/01/2024

When we think in terms of percentages we end up creating a mindset of score keeping and tallying. When we think,
"I'm spent. I'm only operating at 60% capacity,
and my spouse needs to pick up the slack and give the other 40%," we inadvertently create a checklist and a quick way to disappointment. This is not to say that your spouse won't pick up the slack - it's the idea that you think they "should." These
"shoulds" are wreaking havoc on your relationship and a sure fire way to create resentment at home rather than LOVE AT HOME. Marriage is NOT 50/50. Tune in to this episode to hear part two and learn a healthier approach to your marriage.

Listen to the podcast episode: LOVE AT HOME Episode 4

07/01/2024

When we think in terms of percentages we end up creating a mindset of score keeping and tallying. When we think, "I'm spent. I'm only operating at 60% capacity, and my spouse needs to pick up the slack and give the other 40%," we inadvertently create a checklist and a quick way to disappointment. This is not to say that your spouse won't pick up the slack - it's the idea that you think they "should." These "shoulds" are wreaking havoc on your relationship and a sure fire way to create resentment at home rather than LOVE AT HOME....

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06/25/2024

Powerful remember: it’s not all about you.

You will feel tempted to take their words or actions personally but resist the urge to do so.

Your brain will want to create a story and find “evidence” to back it up. Don’t feed the fears.

This is a profound truth: what other people say/feel/do is NOT about you. It’s about them.

People act based on their own thoughts and experiences, not yours.

Even when things feel personal, it’s not.

What they say or do reflects their own inner world. Read that again.

Each person has their own reality.

Taking things personally assumes others understand our reality, but they don’t.

By not taking it personally, we gain control over our reactions.

We can’t control how they see us, (and we don’t need to) but we can control our perspective and response.

Often, our assumptions about others are off base.

This doesn’t mean that their behavior is acceptable and that you should just put up with it. It means that you have power to choose not to be offended or thwarted by how they’re choosing to spend their energy.

Don’t take it personally.
It’s not.
See their words as a window into their soul.

Doing this helps you feel compassion for them which feels so much better than the negativity that comes from taking things personally.

Don’t forget to subscribe to the weekly newsletter for more!

Link: www.thecatalystcoaching.com

06/25/2024

So much of a happy marriage isn’t in the give and take of the relationship at all - it’s how well you are aware of and can manage your own thinking.

Our thoughts are so powerful, our ability to choose, our agency, what we allow to stay and expend energy on, what story we allow to fester or how quickly we accept (maybe not endorse) but accept the current situation and what kind of a person we want to be in that moment.

Marriages are healed when we do our own healing work.
Less about them and more internal work on ourselves so that we can show up as the spouse we want to be.

That healing will come when we ask ourselves and about them - how can I make this easier on their thought work? How can I make it easier on mine?

When you do your own inner work and make it easier on your own thought work - things change. Your actions change, your demeanor changes.

We never “make” them feel anything but we can influence.

Ask yourself: am I showing up as the person and spouse I want to be?

Is what I am doing/saying going to make it easier or harder on their thoughts?

We have thoughts about everything we see, hear, remember - knowing this, even though you don’t “make” them feel anything - chances are if you are in a mood, and hurl a list of grievances in their direction- they’re going to have thoughts about that.

Just make sure that’s the direction you want to be heading in.

Thoughts are powerful and we can be a help or hinderence to our spouse and ourselves.

Love at home is created when we consider their thought work.

What impact will my actions or words have on my spouse?

How can I make it easier on their thought work?

Need help with this? 👇🏻

1.) Go check out the podcast - LOVE AT HOME
2.) Follow me on SM
3.) Subscribe to the weekly newsletter (link below)
4.) Sign up for the 1-1 coaching

Link: www.thecatalystcoaching.com

06/24/2024

Fights in marriage can seem to come out of nowhere sometimes.
You might be perfectly pleasant and having a good day and then words are said and before you know it, you’re knee deep in conflict.

We can avoid these close calls if we know what to look for and how to show up in a mature and healthy way.

One example is to OBSERVE your partner without LABELING your partner.

Labeling looks like:
Wow, You ARE cranky.
You clearly need a nap.
You ARE being a downer.

Notice the labels:
You ARE and thus You NEED

Immediately, this will most likely trigger a defensive stance from your partner:
NO, I’m NOT!

And quickly, an escalated fight might ensue.

Here’s the truth:
We are REALLY good at people reading and REALLY bad at it too.

We are REALLY good at noticing when something is different
But really BAD at interpreting what that actually is.

Instead of diving into labels, accusations, and blatant statements
TRY making observations, asking questions, and leaning into curiosity.

Your partner might be acting differently than how they normally do:
Are they triggered by something that was said? Meaning, are they already sensitive and thinking about something else entirely? Their response to you might be a response to an inner “conversation” in their head.

Are they “cranky” or feeling something else? Frustrated maybe? Misunderstood? (Most likely)

Before “attacking” them - ask yourself:
Is it POSSIBLE I might be misreading them?
Is it POSSIBLE they are experiencing this scene differently than I am?

You can always make observations:
Something seems off - what’s up?

This approach will save you countless hours of stress, arguments, heated debates, hurt feelings, and disconnection.

Humans NEED to be seen and validated just as much as they need food and water.
When we label them - we’re not seeing them.
When we make observations and ask questions - we invite both parties to be seen, heard, and validated.

THIS approach creates LOVE AT HOME
Be the cycle breaker - don’t wait for them to show up from this mature stance - you start it.

You can model it.

You can invite LOVE AT HOME.

1.) Go check out the podcast - LOVE AT HOME
2.) Follow me on SM
3.) Subscribe to the weekly newsletter (link below)
4.) Sign up for the 1-1 coaching

Link: www.thecatalystcoaching.com

06/23/2024

It's easy to get lost in the "doing" of day to day life that we forget how important it is to focus on who we are BEING.

So many of our struggles become lighter when we remember who we are and who we are striving to be.

We've been taught from a young age to concentrate our efforts on "doing", on achieving, on producing.

What are you going to DO when you grow up?
How are your grades?
What have you accomplished today?

David Brooks calls these, RESUME virtues.
And granted, these are important but they're secondary. What is of most importance is our relationships and what kind of a person we are choosing to be.

We want to focus ourselves on who we are becoming, how we treat our loved ones, and the kind of a human being we are right now.

Put your EULOGY virtues first and you will notice a beautiful shift in your day, in your relationships, and in the quality and quantity of love at home.

Need help?
I've got you.

1.) Go check out the podcast - LOVE AT HOME with Hannah Coles
2.) Follow me on SM
3.) Subscribe to the weekly newsletter (link below)
4.) Sign up for the 1-1 couples coaching (even if it’s just you!)

Link: www.thecatalystcoaching.com

06/22/2024

One of my favorite teachings from Confucius is also one of the best pieces of relationship advice:

"Don’t do unto others what you don’t want done unto you."

Eastern philosophy centers on understanding that there is so much suffering in the world. It's a part of life. But we don't have to perpetuate it or especially be the cause of it.

We can alleviate some suffering in our homes, our relationships, and our own lives by keeping this truth close at heart:

If I wouldn't want it done to me - I mustn't do it to others.

We're all familiar with suffering.
We know how painful certain things have been to us.
We know the lingering effects of certain actions from others.

We can stop it.
We can alleviate some suffering for others.
We can break hurtful cycles.

Suffering can be a powerful teacher.
Use what you know (the hurt you've experienced) to take some suffering out of the world, out of your home, out of your marriage.

Need help?
I've got you.

1.) Go check out the podcast - LOVE AT HOME with Hannah Coles
2.) Follow me on SM
3.) Subscribe to the weekly newsletter (link below)
4.) Sign up for the 1-1 couples coaching (even if it’s just you!)

Link: www.thecatalystcoaching.com

06/21/2024

What you think becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

If you think about how your partner never helps out around the house - your going to SEE and notice all the times when they're not helping.

Your brain loves to keep busy.
It always needs a "job" to do and it listens intently to your thoughts.
Without realizing it, when you think and linger on unproductive thoughts- you've inadvertently given your brain a job to do - look for "evidence" to prove it true for you.

Your thoughts are powerful.
They create your experiences and way of life.

If you want LOVE AT HOME start questioning the negative thoughts that arise rather than trying to ignore,suppress, or banish them - that usually backfires anyway.

Think what you want to experience.

Need help with this?

1.) Go check out the podcast - LOVE AT HOME with Hannah Coles
2.) Follow me on SM
3.) Subscribe to the weekly newsletter (link below)
4.) Sign up for the 1-1 couples coaching (even if it’s just you!)

Link: www.thecatalystcoaching.com

06/21/2024

When you care about something or someone you

consider them.

You consider their needs, their comfort, their happiness.

You go out of your way to do things for them because you are

Considering

them.

Consider is the key word.

When you care about something or someone you

Consider them. You consider their feelings and strive to uplift, elevate, and help them for the better.

This is NOT a bash on others who should but aren't considering us. This is a SELF-CHECK.

How are you CONSIDERING yourself today?

If you are focused on considering yourself will you still:

Choose to think that thought? How will that thought make you feel? Will it uplift? Edify? Elevate? Or make you feel better?

Will you eat that food? Will it make you feel better afterward? Will it edify? Uplift? Or help your body to feel better?

Will you say yes or no to that invitation? Will saying yes be in alignment with your values? Will it be a reflection of honesty (and not a people pleasing move?)

Consider yourself.

A reflection of genuine self-care is how you consider your feelings.

When you care about yourself - you also care about your feelings.

It's time to stop self-sabatoging behaviors that make you feel icky.

Link: www.thecatalystcoaching.com

06/21/2024

When you care about someone you

consider them.

You consider their needs, their comfort, their happiness.

You go out of your way to do things for them because you are

Considering them.

Consider is the key word.

When you care about someone you

Consider them.

You consider their feelings and strive to uplift, elevate, and help them for the better.

This is NOT a bash on others who should but aren’t considering us. This is a SELF-CHECK.

How are you CONSIDERING yourself today?

If you are focused on considering yourself will you still:

Choose to think that thought? How will that thought make you feel? Will it uplift? Edify? Elevate? Or make you feel better?

Will you eat that food? Will it make you feel better afterward? Will it edify? Uplift? Or help your body to feel better?

Will you say yes or no to that invitation? Will saying yes be in alignment with your values? Will it be a reflection of honesty (and not a people pleasing move?)

Consider yourself.

A reflection of genuine self-care is how you consider your feelings.

When you care about yourself - you also care about your feelings.

It’s time to stop self-sabatoging behaviors that make you feel icky.

Link: www.thecatalystcoaching.com

06/20/2024

So many of us grew up with the idea that marriage should be 50/50.
We've taken truth: Partners in marriage ARE equal to mean something not true: that each partner should be pulling an "equal" share of the load.

This is dangerous territory because if something is "equal" - the load, for example, that means that someone or someones - are quantifying and calculating actions - looks a lot like scorekeeping and tallying.

This mindset breeds one of the most poisonous feelings for a relationship - RESENTMENT.

While we unknowingly enter the resentment cycle with good intentions - we cycle through feeling awful and creating resentment to the one we promised to love the most.

The cycle looks like this:
I do XYZ for YOU so that you can be happy!

Sound good, so far, right?

But then we cycle around to our spouse - Now I need you to ABC so that I can be happy.

But what if spouse doesn't do ABC?
You might try again...I do QRS so that you can be happy...

and then you wait, and look out for, and start noticing that spouse is NOT doing what you think they SHOULD be doing.

Disaster. Resentment. Disconnection.
The opposite of LOVE AT HOME.

In the latest podcast episode of LOVE AT HOME I dive into this cycle, why marriage is NOT 50/50 or even 100/100 - and what it is and can be instead. I talk about how we can ditch score keeping all together while still showing up with your values - and NOT being a doormat.

This is heavy topic so this is part ONE of TWO episodes.
When you're ready - have a listen and learn how to create more LOVE AT HOME.

Link: https://loveathome.libsyn.com/episode-3-marriage-is-not-5050

06/20/2024

So many of us grew up with the idea that marriage should be 50/50.
We’ve taken truth: Partners in marriage ARE equal to mean something not true: that each partner should be pulling an “equal” share of the load.

This is dangerous territory because if something is “equal” - the load, for example, that means that someone or someones - are quantifying and calculating actions  - looks a lot like scorekeeping and tallying.

This mindset breeds one of the most poisonous feelings for a relationship - RESENTMENT.

While we unknowingly enter the resentment cycle with good intentions - we cycle through feeling awful and creating resentment to the one we promised to love the most.

The cycle looks like this:
I do XYZ for YOU so that you can be happy! 

Sound good, so far, right?

But then we cycle around to our spouse - Now I need you to ABC so that I can be happy.

But what if spouse doesn’t do ABC?
You might try again...I do QRS so that you can be happy...

and then you wait, and look out for, and start noticing that spouse is NOT doing what you think they SHOULD be doing.

Disaster. Resentment. Disconnection.
The opposite of LOVE AT HOME.

In the latest podcast episode of LOVE AT HOME I dive into this cycle, why marriage is NOT 50/50 or even 100/100 - and what it is and can be instead. I talk about how we can ditch score keeping all together while still showing up with your values - and NOT being a doormat.

This is heavy topic so this is part ONE of TWO episodes. 
When you’re ready - have a listen and learn how to create more LOVE AT HOME.
Link in bio ❤️

06/20/2024

It might sound nice that marriage should be 50/50, where each partner gives an equal amount, but in reality, it becomes quite problematic. The idea of "equal" means that one or both parties are doing a bit of score keeping and tallying who is doing what or doing more and noticing the other isn't "keeping up". This kind of mindset is a recipe for RESENTMENT....

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