12/31/2024
We just got back from one of the best trips I have ever taken in my life. We, along with my Mom and Sis, went to Branson Missouri for the Christmas holiday. We lived in Branson a few years ago during one of the most painful seasons I have walked through. I had absolutely no desire to go back and even visit,
But the Lord said it was time to heal.
We went to all the old places we used to go, this time as tourists. It was so different being on that side of it. We laughed and cried and had the best time until my husband wanted to ride the giant ferris wheel we used to ride. I never enjoyed it before but it wasn't an issue to ride it. That was then. I felt myself getting queasy just walking up to it. It looms so large and I felt so small. Getting on was fine but as we got closer to the top of the fifteen story ride, full PTSD set in. For some weird reason I felt like I was back in the ER having just been brought in via ambulance after the accident last year. I couldn't breathe. All I could do was cry and silently pray. As the first rotation came to an end, the attendant asked if I wanted to get off early. I absolutely did,
But the Lord said it was time to heal.
I finished the ride even though I was afraid, so that I could remind my girls that being fearless isn't the absence of fear, it's persevering in spite of it. I do realize that people reading this may think "all that over a ferris wheel?" To me, it was a deep trauma/PTSD trigger I didn't know existed. When we got back in the car I finally started to feel OK again but then my ten year old asked to drive by our old house. My stomach instantly knotted up. I had zero desire to go and actually wanted the Huz to drop me off at the hotel,
But the Lord said it was time to heal.
It was rough even seeing the old place. It is a stately, beautiful, custom built home and just driving by you would assume that whoever lived inside must have the best life with no worries or cares. That was not the case for us. However the Lord is strong and true, faithful and constant, and He is the same for us in the darkness as He in in the light. His strong arms carried me though that season.
We had such a great trip and I intended to come back and post all the pics and rave about the time we had. But this trip was different. Sometimes trauma can actually cause us to overshare and I have definitely done that in the past. But I can back from this trip different. I feel it. Something amazing happened, and while my relatives may post(with my complete blessing) this is all I will be sharing about the experience. These words however are not rooted in trauma. With every stroke of these keys healing and freedom is being released in my life.
Friend, we cannot pursue the future while being tethered to the past. I am so thankful for the One who walks with us and patiently waits until we are ready to let go of the things that have held us back. Lies we have unknowingly partnered with and accepted as truth. Fears that have held us captive. I am leaving a lot of things behind in 2024 and contending for a whole lot more in 2025.
Because the Lord said it is time to heal ๐๏ธ