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Barefoot, Brave, and Bold, Beloit, KS (2025)

08/28/2025

This woman has captured my truth… and perhaps yours too. Silence causes it to continue… and yet the courage needed to say all this openly is intense. I’ve seen the rolled eyes too. And I’ve felt the avoidance. But I know what happened. They don’t. They weren’t hidden in a corner or closet of my home. I’m so sorry… for all of us that have been deemed “crazy” for telling the truth. ♥️

08/26/2025

You have to know WHAT you’re fighting, to win the fight. For years I thought I was battling against depression… and no matter how many treatments I tried, it whipped my butt.

One day, my doctor said, “I think you have PTSD.” I don’t suppose that most people would welcome that news, but something washed over me as she barely got the words out of her mouth. Oddly, I felt relieved. Being trauma affected suddenly, in a moment…. Explained EVERYthing.

I quickly got into trauma therapy to deal with what had been a barrage of events over the previous 15 months… my dad’s sudden death, my sister’s insistence on WAR related to my dad’s death/ mom’s needs, taking my mother with severe dementia into my home, placing her in care and ultimately my 22 yo son’s 3rd degree burns and in-and-out 6 month burn unit treatment. The fog in my brain was like thick milk, distorting the real colors. The fear in my body (what’s going to happen next?) was like a scream that wouldn’t come out, stuffed in my chest, taunting me.

While we tackled those issues through EMDR therapy, little by little it became clear that, even before that immense pile-up of horrors, I’d experience a decade or (much) more of marital trauma. There were deep layers and I would need to peel them back. If I wanted to get well, that was….. And there was never a question about that. I wanted out of the hell I’d been living.

Trauma therapy is scary for most. I used to say “the only way out is through,” but I didn’t know how deeply true that was for trauma, especially. AND YET, when done by a skillful therapist (which I had), there is so much safety built in to the process. Simply put, it saved me. It’s much scarier to live in all the daily provocation of trauma, than to actually confront it, guided by a professional.

I’m going to spend some time here, explaining trauma and therapy benefits. Maybe not every post … it’s heavy. But when you can finally lay the heavy part down, guess what?

You find out that you can rise. Heck, you can almost fly.

08/25/2025

All women (and men) should recognize “love bombing.” It’s just what it sounds like but it seems so genuine, that it’s hard to pick up on, as a negative. It’s actually a tactic and has little to nothing to do with love, but a lot to do with coercion or manipulation.

Incredibly kind words, deep interest, professions of love, gifts, favors…. Poured on to the “victim.” Yes, victim. I call my first year with my ex, “the capture.” I was in such a good place in my life when I met him. He poured on thick, his interest and attention. He pushed fast for an engagement. Late August to Christmas Eve, only because I SLOWED HIM Down. He wanted to get engaged on my October birthday. He also wanted to get married right after the engagement. I’d just started a new job and said that I needed to accrue vacation days. But still, we married in early Sept., only a week after our one year meeting anniversary. Yep, I’d been captured.

I was “lucky.” The love bombing continued through the honeymoon (some don’t get that far), but the tables turned within the first month. But of course, the verbal attack is then followed by…. more love bombing. So maybe that barrage of ugly words was just a “mistake?” And then it repeats… words / acts of devotion followed by rage, name-calling, and put-downs. Off and on, switching, confusing, drawing us in, putting us “in our place.” For years. For decades. We smile for the world and “look good.” Afterall, it’s all ok… sometimes.

“Good grief, just leave,” people say… that sounds easy but it isn’t. You’re too disoriented, hopeful, crushed, relieved, despised…. They keep the emotions swirling like a tilt-a-whirl. “You don’t deserve good things,” you’re told… I don’t know why, but even if we fight back and say, “yes, I do,” we don’t really believe it anymore. Then you have kids… making it more complicated. Then you might get a few months or even a year of love-bombing. I got a year right after our first child was born. I almost let nyself believe that he had changed for real, for good… gad become truly loving. I was sooo relieved. But it ends. The cycle begins again, and often gets even more disorienting.

Love bombing is not love. It is a “capturing” tool and a “keeping the victim” tool… and it will crush you. When your eyes are finally opened, run for safety. Please.

Is it any wonder it took years to heal and to recognize real love?

08/19/2025

Peace, Personified….

For a long time, I was willing to “try to find our way back” and eventually I realized, not only was it always tenuous, but it just wasn’t enough. Promises lasted a few weeks, maybe months at most. Then I had to live through the upset all over when it imploded… again. And even when he was doing “well,” (not antagonizing or provoking), I realized I was holding my breath, figuratively depriving myself of oxygen. My body was dying, from that lack of oxygen. The reprieves were growing shorter. The destruction was expanding.

I did count the cost over and over for my options… staying, leaving. What I didn’t realize was that Peace’s value (only available if i chose to leave) was much higher than I’d estimated. Peace’s worth is utterly life-altering. In every way, it promised to give me back my confidence and joy. But I was so used to being promised good things, only to receive devastation… so I dismissed Peace’s promises for years…. or decades. The thing is:

Peace keeps her promise. If I’d known that sooner, I’d have taken her up on her offer more quickly.

(Quick note- this isn’t an attempt to refer to peace as God and therefore a female god… simply to personify peace in very general terms).

08/16/2025

Fb, I will tell you “what’s on my mind” but it’s crazy that I’m thinking about this…. And on the other hand, I’ve been witnessing and hearing a lot about this lately, so maybe it makes sense.

I’m probably not the first, but I coined a phrase that I haven’t heard before…
“Deception wound”. All wounds hurt. My grands have real authentic tears when they skin their knees. Oh, what I would give for them never to have a wound any deeper…. And yet, I know life dishes out a lot more than skinned knees.

A deception wound is when someone (usually whom you value highly) actively works to hide truth of who they are from you.

*The partner who cheats

*The boyfriend that presents as a kind, loving person… until you marry him

*The guy who works helping others (such as a Dr, psychologist, or teacher) yet who wrecks havoc in his/ her own family.

*The person who lies about, or even just omits key parts of their history, experience or actions

If you’ve experienced a deception wound, you know… it’s hard to recover because we have so many healing tasks. These are a few of them:

*Try to make sense of the deception (not always possible)

*Figure out you new relationship (or lack of) with the deceiver

*Re-learn to trust yourself… your instincts, you interpretations, your heart

*Decide how to move forward to a life that is forever changed by deception.

It’s a deep wound. They seem impossible from which to recover. But, with work, effort, good listeners, and willingness, i truly believe we can find healing.

More to come… add your thoughts, experiences in the comments if you’d like.

08/15/2025

Open the windows, even if the sunlight streaming in blinds you for a moment. The vulnerability of letting the light come in… it’s scary. It’s hard, but equally, it’s soul nourishing. The light overtakes the sadness and the angst.

Looking at my story again… not because I really want to but because it isn’t being quiet. It’s demanding my attention. What have I missed in my healing journey? Assuredly something, because there’s an ache and groan inside… something not fully pieced back together. Funny, it didn’t show up that way. Nope, it showed up as anger and agitation. Extreme irritation for stolen years. I could push it down, sure. But then it would sit and smolder and stay hot.

So instead, I’m opening the windows… searching it out. The light will prevail.

08/09/2025

My parents were really authentic people… they didn’t go along with the crowd. We WERE the Jonses 😂…. So I guess they didn’t need to keep up with themselves either. They were social, community minded, and just solid people… but they didn’t seem to need to be like other people just for appearances.

Authenticity, as modeled by my parents, has always been one of my favorite traits about myself…. Which meant to do that, I’d have to own up to my faults and imperfections… honestly without being overly self-deprecating. When you become a writer… and share that writing… it’s a delicate line, one I’ve balanced, though imperfectly, all my life.

So, in the interest of authenticity… I’m gonna be straight up…. I’ve realized recently that healing takes longer than I thought. You see, I’ve had a GREAT 4 years of satisfaction, a sense of being settled into a good life, and strong mental health. And yet, for a few weeks (maybe months) I’ve been backsliding. I’ve had more trauma flashbacks, particularly involving marital trauma. That “settled” feeling has become more of an agitated feeling. I feel angry frequently, particularly about the wasted years with my ex, even though I’d let that go at one point.

So, I started seeing a therapist again. Fortunately, I view therapy as a part of life, not something to induce shame. I’m trying to be pro-active, rather than let these things brewing inside become even bigger. I am willing to do the work… again… as often as it takes. I’m down to possibly the last 1-2 decades of my life (none of us know if we even have tomorrow, though). I’m totally unwilling to let trauma inflicted by others steal that time too.

08/07/2025

How often do I have to remind myself that I’m safe? Every day. Sometimes more than once a day. At our marriage intensive (3 months before I filed) I spoke up and said I “felt unsafe in my marriage relationship.” He scoffed. Why on earth would I say it wasn’t safe? (Minimization… again.)

My question would have been… what IS safe about it?

*I couldn’t express my concerns, beliefs or feelings without being put down.

*I could be met with full dialation black eyes (IYKYK) at any moment.

*Words of hatred flung about the “home” I lived in. Or alternately, there was silence that didn’t acknowledge my existence for weeks/ months.

That’s. Not. Safe.

The counselor stood up for me in my assertion. I was still trying to “fix” things by being vulnerable. Now I know thats a HUGE mistake with a toxic partner. They are equally committed to seeing vulnerability as weakness and more so, “information to weaponize.”

I know I’m safe now…. Or do I? Most of the time, I do. But out of the blue, I can suddenly feel unsafe… a memory. A flashback. They are rare. There can be months in between. But they are real, when they occur. It takes our nervous system MUCH longer to be convinced that we are safe, than it does our “aware mind.”

So I do remind myself daily that I’m safe. I may need to do it the rest of my life. That’s OK. It’s ok if you need to, also.

08/06/2025

Hi everyone! I’ve never had a “number goal” for this page. I had/have no intention to monetize it. I just want to let others in tough spots in life know they aren’t alone. I want to let people know it’s ok to “heal outloud,” tell our stories, and work through our multitude of feelings. In a month (Sept 5…. Ironically my old wedding anniversary), this page will be a year old. I noticed that we are nearing 400 followers and while it’s still not a numbers game, it would be fun to hit 400 by the 1 year mark. If you have friends that might enjoy the page or wish to share a post or two to your own page to add awareness, please feel free. Meanwhile, may we all keep healing!

08/06/2025

The breaking point.
The straw that breaks the camel’s back.
The rock bottom.

The day we decide to seek therapy.
The day we leave .. or file the restraining order.

The day we stand up for ourselves.
The day our fear of the unknown is less….
Than the pain of abuse, infidelity,
Or death by a thousand cuts.

These are the days our new lives begin.

New lives are highly under-rated because we’re so afraid to leave our “old life.”

New lives can be epic. Then we ask, “what took me so long?” Oh yeah… the pain (fear) of the unknown. But new lives… that’s where hope lives. I chose/ choose hope.

07/29/2025

If you have experienced trauma, it’s quite possible that your body, nervous system, and sub-conscience mind KNOW even more than your “aware” mind knows. In a landmark book, Bessel Van Der Kolk explains that truly…. “The Body Keeps the Score.” Even before I read his material, over and over, I had times when I’d get uneasy… or agitated, or even more often down or depressed without warning and without understanding why.

After a while, I’d have a sudden memory…. “Oh yeah, I was nearing a calendar date when a significant event had occurred.” It happened to me again last week. Unsettled. Tearful. Not feeling very “in charge” of my emotions. A few days went by and then “it” smacked me in the head. We’re nearing the first weekend in August.

That’s the weekend, 8 years ago, while sitting on a plane bound for Dallas that I *knew* I would finally leave my abusive marriage. Before the phones were ordered turned off by flight staff, I made a post…. A solid orange background with a little emoji airplane in the middle, no words. It didn’t mean the obvious thing it appeared to represent… that I was flying to a destination on a plane. It meant, “I’m soon flying away from these insults to my soul, from utter disregard of my personhood and the exploding rage, from walking on eggshells, and getting heart palpitations when I turned the corner to see that his vehicle was parked in the driveway.” It meant that the line had finally been crossed. I could endure no more.

Most of the next 2.5 months, while I worked on prep for my son’s wedding, were enveloped in silence. The husband chose to give me an extended silent treatment, which felt both like intense disregard but also like blissful peace. The tension still existed but the noise didn’t. The silence helped to strengthen my resolve. It turned out… to be just what I needed to quietly, methodically make a plan of escape (for after the wedding).

Yes, our bodies KNOW, even after healing… they know. And sometimes they’re telling us that more healing is needed. That’s why I made contact with a trauma therapist. It’s never too late to heal another layer. I will be doing just that. I am resolved that the trauma inflicted upon me will NOT define my days… I will continue to heal, even when the trauma response comes on suddenly… especially then.

07/25/2025

Yes, there will be sunshine. Sunny days and sunny smiles.

When I used to experience deep depression, I sank even lower on cloudy days. But having flown in planes a lot for work and often flying above the clouds into sunny sky, I’d remind myself that the sun was still there, just covered up. It still existed, even if it didn’t seem so. There were days that thought was the only thing that kept me in semi-forward motion.

That visualization got me through many otherwise very dark days. Now, gray days don’t phase me. I live in hope that the sun will return. I hope you do too! ♥️

Barefoot, Brave, and Bold

08/28/2025

08/26/2025

08/25/2025

08/19/2025

08/16/2025

08/15/2025

08/09/2025

08/07/2025

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07/29/2025

07/25/2025

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