24/09/2025
LET'S TALK VIGIL PLANS 📝📖 I mention them all the time, but what does that really mean? A vigil plan is simply your wishes for what the space around you feels like when you’re dying. They can be anything you want — simple or detailed — and they can (and should) change over time as you grow. These should be shared with your loved ones regularly so there is no question about your wants.
Here’s a look at what mine is today.
I hope when I die it’s just after dusk, on a clear night where the first stars are beginning to shine as the colors fade from the sky. I hope the late-summer breeze is moving gently through an open window, carrying the smell of grass, earth, and evening air.
I would like to be surrounded by my children, if they wish to be there, and by my closest friends who can support them. (Or whoever they need for them to be supported.) Let conversation be gentle and kind — and let politics rest for this evening.
When you remember something ridiculous we did together, laugh, and share it with each other and with my children. Let the laughter roll as freely as the tears; feel what you need to feel. Don’t apologize to each other for crying, and don’t quickly hand each other tissues. Let the tears and emotions move.
I’d love music in the background, something soft enough that it holds the space without taking it over. Music can range from classic vinyl to quiet chants.
Cover my feet gently with a blanket, but don’t tuck them in. Place my bed so it faces a window; I want to feel the world outside even if my eyes are closed. Open the windows to let in fresh air. Scents I love are cinnamon, rose, lime, lilac, and honeysuckle.
I am comforted by the woods and the mountains. If I seem uncomfortable, you may guide me there with your soft words. Describe the colors, the plants, the trees, the air and any other details you choose. Tell me about the temperature feels exactly perfect, and what the ground feels like under my feet. On a mountain, tell me how far you can see, the blues of the sky, and how the clouds are moving. Tell me every detail. This comforts me.
Please use gentle touch only. You may rub my forehead — my favorite spot is the soft place between the eyes. Please avoid stroking my face otherwise. You can hold my hand. Wrap me in a blanket soft enough to comfort my newborn granddaughter, and when it’s time let me go wearing a buttery soft caftan for comfort.
If I speak of seeing people who aren’t here, know that this is normal. It is not frightening — it is a celebration, a sign of the joy and reunion that waits for me. When my last exhale is not followed by a new breath, do not rush to have my body taken away. Stay with me until everyone who wants to say goodbye has done so.
This is my vigil plan — written with love. I trust the people around me to move with the energy, and if something feels different, follow your hearts. I want light snacks nearby for those sitting vigil, because I know we don’t always feel like eating full meals at this time. Please keep water and tea close so that everyone can stay nourished. Outside my room there can be a place for snacks and quiet space if anyone needs to step away. No one is expected to sit vigil the entire time — please come and go as you need.
Have you ever thought about your vigil plan?
What does it look like to you?
