24/07/2024
We had stopped at this bridge twice before each time we floated down the river. I just hung out and cheered my friends on. Honestly I didn’t feel the pull to jump.
When I thought about jumping today, I knew that the fear was the reason that was making me not want to jump. I felt the urge and wanted to jump, but my fear was telling me not to. That’s how I knew that today was the day.
My beautiful sweet friend said she would jump with me. I hopped over the ledge and stood, staring down about 12 feet to the river.
All the butterflies came in. Clammy pits.
I could barely feel my legs. I was so terrified.
it’s wild how I watched 20 people, jumping and be completely fine, but the fear felt so overwhelming.
I felt the urge to hop back over the ledge and just bow out. I’ll just hold other people’s glasses and backpacks 🤣 it’s cool.
I told her I was super terrified and she said “let’s hold hands. You can do this.”
my mind kept telling me not to do it and as my anxiety increased, she started our countdown.
3
2
1
And I jumped.
I felt my stomach in my throat as I was falling through the sky, and then I hit the water. I popped back up, looked around, and she was waving at me to start swimming back to the shore before the river just carried me along past where you hop out.
HOLY. TALITO.
I felt invincible. So proud. Ecstatic. Like I could do anything.
I probably had 5 million thoughts over the course of those five minutes of preparation telling me not to jump. 5 million reasons why I shouldn’t do it.
5 million reasons why I wasn’t brave enough.
And then I did it.
You get to choose what choices you make.
You get to choose if you speak up & share that idea.
You get to choose if you text that new friend for coffee.
You get to choose if you sign up for that Pilates class.
Not your thoughts.
YOU.
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