12/21/2022
Longing…a beautiful word I’ve become so familiar with..
I love the way it transitions here into an empowered word “want”.
The feeling of longing for something feels gray and static and deep. Sometimes for me, it has felt destined. Like I’ll never not long for something or someone.
I’ve come to understand, for myself, my place of longing can be a beautiful state of being.
I’ve also come to understand, for myself, the longing is directly connected to how I identify what I want.
When I am not sure of my want…I long for something. I can’t quite articulate it but it’s there. Ever present- in the background of my experiences.
I used to think this was sadness or depression- but I see myself more clearly now.
I believe many of us long for something we aren’t experiencing in our realities. Especially women.
It’s the existential hunt. Hunting. An action women must give ourselves permission to carry out because it’s not inherent in the societal messaging as it is for men.
We gather. We gather resources to fill the space and take care of what we have but we long for the hunt…the hunter, the huntress.
The longing is the hunt of getting to know ourselves deeply. And the hunt of finding belonging with those alike in ways we most want to keep company.
My goal now is to feel the longing. To let it take up space in my body and soul. To dance with it for a bit as it works it’s way into letting me feel what I want.
I want to merge the longing with the hunt. The feminine and the masculine energy within me. The all-ness of one like me. The leader and the follower in me.
What do I want? Who do I want? Where do I want? Is my wanting welcomed? Am I punishing my wanting?
All these questions help the quality of my wanting elevate.
I’ve got quite a way to go…
I have come to this knowing for myself…
When I can identify what I want, I can ask for it.
When I ask for what I want, I can seek it out.
I have the ability to create it on my own or recognize an offering from someone else.
Also, I can transform what I want. I can allow myself to want something differently. I can want a new perspective, more love, less drama, more alignment, more joy, less resistance…
My Longing is my teacher. My Wanting is my answer.
Happy Wednesday💜
