Chelsey Brooke Cole (2025)

20/09/2025

What do you REALLY gain by healing from narcissistic abuse?

Clarity?
Peace?
Calm?

Yes - and SO much more than that.

You gain *yourself* back.

Your most precious asset.
Your most irreplaceable possession.

Because *you* are the biggest thing you lose in narcissistic relationships.

Narcissistic abuse systematically erodes your sense of self-worth.

Healing allows you to recognize that the narcissist’s words and actions were not a reflection of YOU, but a reflection of their own issues.

You learn to see and appreciate your own strengths and positive qualities, independent of external validation.

Abuse often forces you to suppress your true self and your passions.

Healing provides the space and freedom to reconnect with your authentic identity, interests, and dreams.

You can rediscover hobbies and goals you may have abandoned and build a life that is genuinely fulfilling for you. And ultimately… you move from a state of surviving to thriving.

The constant chaos and stress of the abusive relationship are replaced with a sense of peace and hope for the future - your future.

You learn to find happiness in everyday moments and build a life that is truly your own.

You take back what the narcissist stole:

Belief in yourself.
Trust in yourself.
Care for yourself.

And that’s why healing is the BEST thing you can do for yourself.

What have YOU gained on your healing journey?

Feeling stuck? I send bimonthly newsletters to help you heal, grow, and become your authentic self. Link in comments!

19/09/2025

Think everyone dislikes conflict?

Think again-

Narcissists THRIVE on it.

Which means they LOVE creating it!

And why would anyone WANT to cause chaos?

Because they want to:

-Maintain control
-Grab attention
-Gain power
-Feel important

Or simply… because they feel entitled to.

Feeling bored?

Text two different people lies about each other and see what happens.

Feeling ignored?

Create a “crisis” to gain people’s sympathy and attention.

Feeling rejected?

Love bomb someone and then dump them unexpectedly.

(Obviously, these aren’t prescriptions - they’re DEscriptions of why narcissists create drama.)

An empathetic, healthy, mature person doesn’t think or act this way.

So when narcissists create chaos like this, you assume it’s “genuine.”

That they ACTUALLY have a crisis.
The their words are TRUTHFUL.
That they NEED help.

You don’t imagine that they’re “stirring the pot” for their own entertainment.

But they absolutely do!

It’s VERY important that you realize… narcissists don’t think like you.

Their motivations are different.
Their intentions are different.
Their fears are different.

You CAN’T assume that they do something for the same reason that YOU would do something.

Otherwise, you’ll stay spinning.

As if you’ve swapped a kaleidoscope for binoculars and wonder why you can’t see clearly.

What “crises” have you seen narcissists create?

Gain CLARITY about your narcissistic relationship - join my free newsletter. Link in comments!

18/09/2025

Have you ever been called “disrespectful” by a narcissist?

If so, it doesn’t mean what you think it means…

Because narcissists have their own “version” of words.

As if they have a completely different dictionary than the rest of us.

Because “respect” to a narcissist doesn’t mean mutual regard-

Where you both are considerate of each other’s views.

Respect to a narcissist has to do with power, agreement, and obedience.

If you agree with them - you “respect” them.
If you do what they say - you “respect” them.
If they feel powerful in your presence - you “respect” them.

So they call you DISrespectful for any dissension from this absolute authority.

If you have your own opinion-
If you ignore their baiting-
If you disagree with them-
If you act independently-
If you call out their lies-
If you set boundaries-

You’re “disrespecting” them.

So it’s very important that you recognize this; otherwise, you’ll try to be more “respectful” and will lose yourself in the process.

You can’t allow a narcissist’s words to define you.

What’s your biggest takeaway from this post?

Learn how to navigate narcissistic relationships! Join my free newsletter - link in comments!

17/09/2025

When you’re raised by a narcissistic parent, you’re raised by pathological insecurity.

By ego.
By selfishness.

You’re raised by someone who can’t fully value YOU because they can’t see around their projection of who you are.

Which means (1) they’re not really even seeing YOU.

And (2) what they DO see is whatever they make up in their own mind.

If you’re an empathetic child and they’re uncomfortable with your softness, they’ll relabel it as “weakness.”

If you’re a deeply inquisitive child and they feel overwhelmed by your questions, they’ll relabel it as you being “difficult.”

If you’re a child who prefers to be spontaneous instead of scheduled, they’ll relabel your flexibility as “irresponsible.”

They stick labels on you that don’t accurately reflect who you are, because they aren’t capable of seeing you in a clear light.

And unfortunately, this means you often struggle to see yourself clearly, too.

You see their labels rather than your strengths.
You hear their criticisms rather than your inner voice.
You believe their narrative that you’re “broken” rather than the reality that your parent is cruel.

But you are NOT who they said you are-

Someone who can’t even see THEMSELF clearly can never be trusted to see YOU clearly.

Yes, they were/are your parent - but that doesn’t mean they see things the “right” way.

You don’t gain a special superpower as a parent to be the authority on all things.

They’re still just a human.

And YOUR value doesn’t change based on THEIR inability to see it!

Rewired for Resilience is my brand new group program, including a comprehensive healing course and weekly group sessions with me! Join my free newsletter and get early access when it opens later this year - link in comments!

16/09/2025

Going IG LIVE!

Have your questions ready as we discuss navigating coparenting with a narcissist!

16/09/2025

You’ve felt the effects of narcissistic abuse: Feeling on edge, frazzled, foggy, and anxious, plus having difficulty concentrating or retaining new information…

It’s as if your brain isn’t “working right.”

You know something is off, but don’t know what it is or how to explain it.

And that’s because long-term narcissistic abuse IS impacting your brain.

Here’s how:

Because of the many strategies used - gaslighting, manipulation, criticisms, passive aggressiveness - narcissists put you in a state of hypervigilance.

Which means your body is producing more cortisol, commonly known as the stress hormone.

Cortisol is especially impactful to the hippocampus, the part of your brain responsible for memory and learning.

When you’re under long-term or high-stress situations, your hippocampus can’t function properly.

Neurons (nerve cells in the brain) don’t communicate as well with each other, which means you literally can’t retain information or learn new things as easily as you should be able to.

Cortisol also overly stimulates the amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for keeping you safe by alerting you to harmful situations.

Which mean your BODY will urge you TO do or NOT do whatever it is that’s going to keep you safer to avoid pain and harm.

As we know with narcissists, that means your body is initially going to tell you "don't say anything; don't share your feelings; just go along" to keep you SAFE.

And because more hypervigilance means more cortisol, which inhibits storage of memory in the hippocampus and overly activates the emotion-driven amygdala...

Your brain is “out of balance” as all of your focus is going toward your emotions and fear response.

So if you've ever wondered:

“What's wrong with me?”
“Why can't I think or form sentences?”
“Why am I forgetting everything?
“Why does my brain feel so foggy?"

THIS is why.

If you want to know how to HEAL from this, that’s exactly what I’m covering in my comprehensive healing program, Rewired for Resilience! Join my free newsletter for early access when it opens later this year - link in comments!

15/09/2025

Growing up, how “safe” did you feel to be your authentic self?

Or even more… did you KNOW your authentic self?

Could you easily say “This is who I am, this is what I believe, and these are my values”?

Or did “who you are” change depending on who was in the room?
On the moods of those around you?
On what was needed?

Children with narcissistic parents are TOLD - directly or indirectly - who they “should” be.

What they “should” think.
How they “should” feel.

A narcissistic parent’s goal is to erase their child’s developing sense of self and replace it with their own-

So that you don’t become YOUR authentic self… you become an EXTENSION of the narcissist.

Meaning that you feel compelled to become what THEY need you to be.

If they want you to become a doctor - you become a doctor.
If they want you to be the “adult” in the relationship - you take on adult responsibilities as a child.
If they want you to solve their problems - you become a fixer and a helper.

And you don’t make this decision by CHOICE - this is COERCION.

You become what you need to become to be loved, attached, and safe.

If this was your childhood, it’s very possible that you don’t know “who you are” as an adult.

Because you weren’t allowed to EXPLORE your interests.
To EXPRESS your ideas.
To OWN your feelings.

But here’s the good news: You can start doing that TODAY!

You can begin, little by little, to open up more space for YOU to come forward.

Your inner self.

The one that was pushed down as a kid.
The part that was told to be quiet.
The part that was hidden.

You can begin to:

Listen to your gut feelings.
Get curious about your interests.
Pay attention to your body’s cues.

Until you can say “I know me.”

And that’s a powerful place to be.

Want help discovering “you?” My new group program, Rewired for Resilience, includes my comprehensive healing course + weekly access to me via group coaching. Join my newsletter for early access when it opens this fall!

14/09/2025

Are you trying to heal from a narcissistic relationship… and wonder why you’re not getting better?

Are you “doing all the things”… but still feel exhausted and overwhelmed at the end of the day?

If so, you might still be living in “survival mode.”

In other words, you’re in a chronic fight, flight, freeze, or fawn state.

Let me explain.

Sometimes the approach to healing from narcissistic abuse is too “academic.”

You focus too much on what you “should” be doing.

You read the books.
You listen to the podcasts.
You do the journaling exercises.

And these are all good things!

But healing is more than just “understanding” what you went through - it’s about starting to FEEL differently.

It’s not just KNOWING you were gaslighted - it’s BELIEVING and FEELING that your reality is valid.

It’s not just UNDERSTANDING the trauma bond - it’s FEELING whole and safe in your body again.

It’s not just SEEING the warning signs - it’s TRUSTING your gut feeling.

If you’re struggling to take the next step in your healing, it’s time to adjust to a body-approach.

Here’s what that looks like:

-Practice trauma-informed yoga or a slower paced version, like Yin Yoga
-Do anything to move your body more (walking, rowing, swimming, hiking, etc.)
-Find a few guided mediations that you like and do them a few times a week
-Work with a therapist that uses IFS, EMDR, or somatic experiencing
-Focus on bringing more attention to your senses (in each environment, ask yourself: What can I see, hear, taste, touch, feel?)
-Find more GLIMMERS (look for things that create a sense of stillness and safety in your own body)

Have you used any body-based approaches in your healing journey?

If you want a COMPREHENSIVE healing program that walks you through these steps in DETAIL, sign up for my newsletter to get early access to my group program, Rewired for Resilience! Link in comments!

13/09/2025

Listen to the full episode of my interview with Christina Wenman on the podcast! Link in comments!

12/09/2025

Do you care what people think of you?

If so, how much?

Will you change your opinion just because someone else disagrees?
Will you hide your authentic self if you think it won’t be accepted?
Will you go along with things you don’t believe in to be liked?

To an extent, we all care what people think of us.

But when does this become harmful?

If you struggle with self-worth, then the opinions of others become too loud.

You look outside of yourself to see what you “should” think.
What you “should” do.
How you “should” feel.

And if you’ve experienced narcissistic abuse… this makes sense.

(Especially if you grew up with it.)

Because safety WAS found in someone else.

In a narcissistic relationship, safety means reading the room, anticipating their needs, and trying to “mind read” what they want from you.

So what YOU think, how YOU feel, and what YOU need isn’t relevant to staying safe.

This is how, over time, you become completely disconnected from what you want or who you are.

So after narcissistic abuse, you have to learn a new way to safety.

One that doesn’t require you to sacrifice yourself.
To give up your authenticity.
To ignore your needs.

Sustainable self-worth (and healing from narc abuse) looks like:

Getting quiet.
Checking in with yourself.
Listening to your inner voice.
Paying attention to your body.
Noticing your gut reactions.

And the best part?

Is that you can do all of these things SILENTLY!

Which means if you’re still IN a narcissistic relationship, you can make these changes without the narcissist EVER knowing.

And that’s HIGHLY important, because anything you do that’s GOOD for you, the narcissist will try to destroy.

So if you’ve struggled with:

Self-worth.
Self-trust.
Self-love.

Get quiet.
Tune in.
And listen.

Your intuition has always been there - you just have to get quiet enough to hear it.

What’s one thing you’ve done to grow your self-worth after narcissistic abuse?

11/09/2025

Coercion is the “unseen abuse.”

It’s all the things narcissists do to harm you - without ever touching you.

They subtly threaten you:

"Be careful who you talk to. You never know who's listening."
"I hope you're not making a mistake you'll regret later."
"Some people don't know when they have it good."

They guilt-trip you:

"After everything I've done for you, and this is how you repay me?”
"I'm sorry you feel that way."
“If you really loved me, you would…”

They manipulate you:

“I can’t be with someone who doesn’t trust me.”
“You really need to learn to take a joke.”
“No one will ever love you like I do.”

They say things that make you question yourself…

“Am I making the right decision?”
“Am I seeing this the right way?”
“Am I being too needy or difficult?”

Narcissists love to say and do things that, to the outside world, would sound fine.

But to you (who knows the history of the relationship) it’s clearly abusive.

They always want plausible deniability.

And blackmail and coercion are perfect ways to do so.

Have you ever experienced these “unseen abuses” in your narcissistic relationship?

Learn how to respond to these antagonistic remarks - I send free bimonthly newsletters to help you navigate toxic people and heal. Link in comments!

10/09/2025

Have you ever felt like something is “off” about someone?

You don’t know what it is, or why you feel that way, you just get an uneasy feeling about them.

And when you spend time with them, you notice changes in yourself, too:

You question yourself more.
You feel more anxious.
You leave conversations feeling confused.
You ruminate about how to bring things up.
You feel more on edge.
You slowly stop giving your opinion.
You feel guilty for needing anything from them.
You apologize even when you didn’t do anything wrong.

(And this list is just the beginning.)

Having spent thousands of clinical hours working with narcissistic abuse survivors (and experiencing it myself), I’ve noticed one common theme: Your gut always knew.

You knew something felt off.
You knew they weren’t trustworthy.
You knew they were hiding something.

But you didn’t TRUST that you knew these things.

You pushed it to the back of your mind because:

You wanted a relationship.
You were tired of being single.
You wanted a friend.
The job seemed like a great opportunity.
They’re family.

And perhaps because:

You were conditioned to dismiss your gut.
You didn’t feel like you had a right to say no.
You thought this is what you deserved.
You assumed you couldn’t get anything better.
You would feel like a bad person for ending the relationship.
You were worried about what others would think.

I’ll be the first to tell you, I can relate to many of these.

Looking back, I know exactly why I got into narcissistic relationships and why I stayed.

At first, it brought up a lot of shame-

A lot of, “How could I not see it? What’s wrong with me? Am I that broken?”

But after lots of healing, I see it differently-

I look back and see a roadmap of red flags and warning signs that NOW… I listen to.

NOW… I trust my gut (even before I know “why” something feels off.)
NOW… I’m very picky about who gets access to my inner circle.

And YOU can do the same!

I guarantee you’ve learned a lot more than you give yourself credit for.

What do you know NOW that you didn’t know before your narcissistic relationship?

Join my free bimonthly newsletter for more on how I overcame narcissistic abuse - link in comments!

Chelsey Brooke Cole

20/09/2025

19/09/2025

18/09/2025

17/09/2025

16/09/2025

16/09/2025

15/09/2025

14/09/2025

13/09/2025

12/09/2025

11/09/2025

10/09/2025

Address

Website

Alerts

Contact The Practice

Shortcuts

Share