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Chelsey Brooke Cole, Bowling Green, KY (2025)

08/07/2025

Too often in narcissistic relationships, you look at what you’re going to “lose” if you leave.

You feel like you’ve invested so much, tried for so long, given everything you have-

So to leave would be to “throw it all away.”

It feels like you’re “losing” your investment.

But you need to make sure you’re taking in the whole picture.

Because there’s a cost to *staying,* too.

There’s a cost to your mental health.
To your physical well-being.
To your peace of mind.

What have you given up to try to make this relationship work?

Connections with good friends?
Involvement with healthy family members?
Your career?
Your dreams and goals?
Going back to school?
Writing that book?
Opening that business?

Leaving will mean changes.

But staying doesn’t always mean you’re “gaining” something.

The status quo isn’t always a good thing.

It’s not for me or anyone to tell you what to do in your relationships…

It’s just important that you look at the cost of leaving AND staying - both have consequences.

What have you given up to *stay* in a narcissistic relationship?

08/06/2025

Narcissists respond in very predictable ways.

Although it might seem like they’re all over the place emotionally, they actually only have a handful of ways that they respond to things.

Most commonly, they’re:

Defensive
Blaming
Unempathetic
Passive aggressive
Hypersensitive

Occasionally, they’re:

Not quite as antagonistic
Somewhat responsive

Rarely, they’re:

Pleasant
Engaging
Receptive

Your assumption needs to be that they’re going to respond in their most common ways.

And if they respond slightly more pleasant than you expected, appreciate the fluke, but DON’T start expecting that to be the norm.

Because that’s when you get in trouble…

When you assume that a random “good day” means:

Things are getting better
They understand me now
They really do care

Appreciate the good day for what it is - a random ”good day” - but don’t assume the norm has changed.

Or that you’ve just been “too dramatic,” “too difficult,” or “too sensitive.”

Narcissists tell you who they are by their most common responses - believe them.

What reaction was most common in your narcissistic relationships?

Need to know how to communicate with a narcissist? My new course will cover how to respond for coparenting, work, family, friends, adult children, and more! Get early access by joining my newsletter - link in comments!

08/05/2025

Are we in a narcissism epidemic?

Here’s what the research says:

Studies from the 2000s suggest that narcissism has increased in U.S. college students (although some people were critical of these findings).

But we know that NPD has a lifetime prevalence rate of about 6%.

That means in the US alone, 20 million people would meet criteria for NPD.

If we assume thot those 20 million narcissists only negatively impact 5 other people throughout their lifetime (a highly conservative estimate)…

Then that would leave 99 million narcissistic abuse survivors in the US alone.

That’s up to epidemic proportions if you ask me…

Plus changes related to social media have proliferated narcissistic qualities.

The reality is that social media, with its constant need for validation and self-curation, has created a perfect environment for narcissistic traits to flourish.

It's a feedback loop: the platform rewards self-focus, and that behavior, in turn, can increase narcissistic tendencies.

Obviously, narcissism is about more than just being self-focused or even vain.

But it does lay the groundwork for a lack of empathy, minimal honest self-reflection, and an obsessive need for external validation.

What do you think? Have you seen more narcissism or less over the years?

08/04/2025

Do you frequently worry that your loved ones will pull away?

That you’re “too much” in relationships?

That people will discover your inherent “unworthiness?”

These are often fears of those with an anxious attachment style.

This style tends to develop when a primary caregiver is inconsistently responsive to your needs.

Sometimes they’re available and attuned, and other times they’re distant, intrusive, or overwhelmed.

This unpredictable caregiving environment teaches you that love and security are precarious and must be constantly earned or fought for.

In adulthood, this mean you often carry an internalized belief that you’re inherently not lovable enough to get consistent affection and care from others.

You tend to have a heightened sensitivity to cues of rejection or withdrawal, and your internal alarm system is constantly scanning for signs that your loved ones might pull away.

This can manifest as a deep-seated fear of abandonment, a persistent need for reassurance, and an intense desire for closeness that can sometimes feel overwhelming to others.

If you can relate to this, please know you’re not alone!

And that this attachment style didn’t develop out of a conscious choice…

But rather out of a neglectful and emotionally inconsistent childhood environment.

And here’s the good news: Attachment styles can change!

You can become more securely attached.

Here are 2 practical strategies you can start using today:

(1) Use “I” statements

Instead of saying, "You make me feel anxious when you don't text back," try, "I feel anxious when there's a long gap in our communication."

If you’re talking to a healthy person, they will validate your needs and reassure you.

If you’re dealing with a toxic person, they will invalidate your feelings and put the blame back on you.

Either way, you will feel more empowered speaking in this way.

(2) Practice self-validation

An anxious attachment pulls you to seek validation from others-

But this keeps you feeling “less than” and indebted to other’s support.

When you have a strong feeling, overwhelming trigger, or anxious feeling in your gut, be curious instead of critical.

Ask yourself:

“What just happened there?”
“Where did that feeling come from?”
“Does this remind me of something from my childhood?”

Knowing WHY you have a trigger means you can put your feelings into context and give yourself more grace and understanding rather than judgment.

Want help creating a more secure attachment? Get early access to my new course on healing childhood wounds and developing inner strength when you join my newsletter. Link in comments

08/03/2025

When abuse happens, it’s normal to want justice.

You want to see the person who harmed you have consequences for their actions.
You want them to be held accountable.
You want them to stop hurting people.

And this is a valid desire.

However, we often don’t get that - at least, not in the way we want.

And when you see the person who hurt you…who caused so much damage…

Going about their life with seemingly no consequences…

It’s disheartening.
Gut-wrenching.
Infuriating.

And this can keep you stuck for months, years, and sometimes decades.

As you’re fixated on this injustice.

And as much as I understand this pain… I want more for you.

Because as long as you stay stuck on the injustice of it all… they’re still controlling you.

They’re still abusing you.

And you deserve more than that.

The best revenge is YOU having a happy life.

You making meaning out of the pain.
You healing.
You helping others grow.
You taking what they meant for your harm, and using it for GOOD.

The light ALWAYS overcomes the darkness.

(As long as you’re willing to let it shine.)

What you have inside of you-

Kindness.
Compassion.
Understanding.
Pure intentions.

They will NEVER have.

And they can NEVER take those things away from you - as long as you don’t let them.

Sometimes justice looks like *you healing.*

In what ways have you taken your power back and created your own form of justice?

If you feel stuck in your healing, my comprehensive course was built for YOU! Get early access when you join my newsletter - link in comments!

08/02/2025

Being authentic isn’t just a popular idea - it’s essential for your health.

Because being “inauthentic” has consequences.

You may not have thought about it like this before, but suppressing your emotions *is* being inauthentic.

I know that’s not how we intend it to be…

In fact, most people really value being authentic-

They like authentic people, and they want to be an authentic person.

But how can you live authentically if you shut down your own feelings?

Never express your real opinions?
Ignore your gut feelings?
Rarely set boundaries?

Because doing all of those things means you’re not truly living in alignment with what you want, think, or need.

Now I know - these behaviors aren’t always conscious, and they aren’t what you *want* to do.

Because most of these behaviors are about seeking safety.

And we will always choose the behaviors (consciously or unconsciously) that we believe will keep us the safest.

Which is why you have to increase your ability to sit with uncomfortable emotions.

Because being authentic - saying what you *really* think or feel - is going to be uncomfortable and stressful at first.

It might even feel downright scary or terrifying, especially if you’ve had narcissistic relationships.

But here’s what we KNOW is happening if you suppress your emotions and live in a heightened state of stress:

1. Increased stress hormones

Chronic high cortisol is associated with weight gain, increased risk of cardiovascular disease, diabetes, osteoporosis, and mood disturbances, to name a few.

2. Weakened immune system

High cortisol levels suppress your immune system by reducing the activity of immune cells like T-cells and B-cells, which are essential for fighting off infections.

3. Digestive issues

Chronic stress is associated with a disruption of your gut microbiome, increasing inflammation and your risk of digestive issues.

4. Chronic pain

Long-term stress and high cortisol levels contribute to increased inflammation in the body which can exacerbate chronic pain.

So before you suppress your emotions, ignore your needs, or tell yourself to just “get over it,” ask yourself: “Is this worth damaging my body for?”

I hope eventually your answer is a resounding NO!

Want help feeling strong enough to be more authentic? Get first access to my comprehensive healing course by joining my newsletter - link in comments!

08/01/2025

Seeing your ex can be triggering.

Anxiety.
Rumination.
Shame.
“Ick.”

These are all common feelings when you’re preparing to see your narcissistic ex.

And while these feelings are common…

They aren’t the only emotions you can feel.

If your breakup was recent, or you’re still processing what happened…

I know it can be hard to imagine anything but panic and dread.

But once enough time has passed and healing has occurred…

You start to feel very differently when your ex appears.

You feel… calm.

Knowing that you’ve gained your autonomy from them and you’re no longer bound to believe their lies.

You feel… assured.

Knowing that you see right through their attempts to look charming and confident.

You feel… grateful.

Knowing that you don’t have to deal with ANY of their betrayals, manipulations, or criticisms anymore.

You no longer care what they think of you.

You no longer feel the need to prove yourself to them.

Trying to decipher their lies - is no longer your problem.

Trying to deal with their constant betrayals - is no longer your problem.

Trying to make things work when you know it’s the wrong relationship - is no longer your problem.

You’re FREE!

Free from their control.
Free from caring about their judgment.
Free from the weight of being constantly criticized, mocked, and devalued.

And THAT - is a feeling worth holding onto.

A feeling worth pursuing.
A feeling you can work toward.

Because it’s MORE than a feeling… it’s a state of being.

It’s something you develop as you heal.

As you see them for who they are.
As you build back your self-worth.
As you realize they DON’T get to define you!

Have you ever felt this way after seeing your ex?

If you want to experience this shift for yourself, but don’t know where to start, my comprehensive healing course is for you! Sign up for my newsletter to get early access - link in comments!

07/31/2025

Narcissists don’t want to see your point of view.

They don’t want to understand how you feel.
Or what you think.

They just want you to agree with them.

Believe them.
Go along with them.

They don’t care that it’s not a balanced relationship - because they feel entitled to a one-sided relationship.

They don’t care that your needs aren’t met - because they’re selfish and really only care about their own.

They don’t care that they manipulated you into this relationship - because their grandiosity makes them believe you want them no matter what.

These truths aren’t easy to see or accept - but they’re essential.

Because before you know these truths, you keep trying to have a “normal” relationship.

One where you can share your feelings and needs.
You can expect empathy and compassion.
You can have conversations based in reality.

And because you expect these things that aren’t happening, you try harder.

Which leaves you feeling more like a “failure.”

Your attention has to shift from “How do I get them to see or understand this…” to “How can I enjoy my life regardless of what they do?”

“How do I want to spend my time?”
“What relationships are worth my investment?”
“What brings me joy, peace, and meaning?”

Because THESE are questions you CAN control!

These are questions you can take full ownership of.

Because YOU decide the what, when, how, and where these questions get answered.

But asking yourself how you can “get” the narcissist to see your point of view…

Is starting from a place of disempowerment.

Because there’s *nothing* YOU can do to get them to understand because it’s not a “you” problem - it’s a “them” problem.

Today, what’s ONE thing you want to do more of (or less of)? These “small” shifts is where the healing is!

Get my personal guidance on your healing journey by joining my newsletter - link in comments!

07/30/2025

There are some key truths narcissistic abuse survivors need to know to heal.

Here are some of them:

1. You’re not invisible.

Narcissists attempt to erase your identity.

To tear you down to nothing so they can mold you into who they want you to be.

But you’re *not* nothing.

You DO matter.
Your needs ARE valid.
Your perspective IS real.

Narcissists just don’t want you to know this, because that’s when they lose their grip on you.

But the more you step into this truth - the more you don’t just agree, accept or go along with what they want (even in your own mind)…

The more you step back into yourself.

2. Your pain is valid.

No, you’re not crazy.

You’re not making this up.
Or making it worse than it is.

You’re not being overdramatic.
Or too sensitive.

You’re being *abused.*

And you know what those who are being abused *usually* do?

Minimize the pain.
Minimize the harm.

Because to see it is hard.

It’s confronting and gut-wrenching.

But to NOT see it means you keep blaming yourself.

And I don’t want that for you - so please, lean into your gut.

It’s not lying to you.

3. You’re not alone.

Narcissistic abuse isolates you.

Separates you.
Disconnects you.

At least - in part.

Because you feel like everyone else is living a normal life, while you’re struggling to just get through the day.

An afternoon without being criticized is a given for others, but for you, it’s a rare “good day.”

You compare yourself to people in healthy relationships, and wonder what’s “wrong with you” that you can’t have that, too.

But here’s the truth: There are *literally* millions of people who understand what you’re going through.

Who knows what it feels like to be ignored by those you love.

Exploited by those who were supposed to keep you safe.
Used by those who promised to love you.

We understand you - because we are you.

Bottom line: you’re NOT alone!

Which of these truths did you most need to hear today? Drop a 1, 2, or 3 in the comments and let me know!

I’m creating a deep dive course and group program to help you get unstuck and take back your self-worth! Join my newsletter to get early access - link in comments!

07/29/2025

Narcissists don’t see themselves or others accurately.

They see “flaws” in others that don’t exist.
They see “weaknesses” in others that aren’t there.
They see “problems” in others that aren’t real.

Essentially, narcissists see in others what they refuse to see in themselves.

They claim you’re selfish - because they’re selfish.
They claim you’re difficult - because they’re difficult.
They claim you’re ungrateful - because they’re ungrateful.

This is often why you feel so bad around a narcissist-

Because they’re constantly projecting onto you!

Telling you you’re not who you really are.

And coincidentally, you do the same thing… in reverse.

You see the good in others because you’re seeing a reflection of YOU!

You misinterpret the narcissist’s selfishness for immaturity.

Their antagonism for stress.
Their grandiosity for confidence.

Essentially, you’re giving them every benefit of the doubt.

Every second chance.

Even though they aren’t well-intended like you.

You assume the best - because that’s the kind of person YOU are.

So my encouragement is two-fold:

First - don’t take their criticisms personally.

They truly aren’t about you.

Second - don’t assume, watch actions.

Your tenderheartedness will make you see good intentions, even when there aren’t any.

Can you relate to this?

I send newsletters 2x a month on how to HEAL from narcissistic relationships- link in comments!

07/28/2025

Toward the end of my last narcissistic relationship, I realized that I had let someone convince me I’m someone that I’m not.

I felt less than.
Chronically guilty.
Constantly ruminative.
Overwhelmingly anxious.

Sure, I’ve experienced those things throughout my life-

But not at the level I was at.

Not to the point at which I no longer recognized myself.

Even though I wasn’t the betrayer - I felt shame.

I felt guilty.
I felt broken.

I felt… like a mess.

Like I had dug a hole that I wasn’t sure how to get out of.

But I did know one thing - one truth that kept ringing loudly, above all the confusion, self-doubt, and shame: I will survive this.

And I will live differently because of it.

I will no longer tolerate abuse.
I will no longer make excuses for inexcusable behavior.
I will no longer give unlimited second chances.

If my gut speaks, I will listen.
If my intuition screams at me to walk away from someone, I will leave.
If my mind keeps replaying scenarios because they don’t add up, I will recognize the manipulation.

Essentially, I will become MORE like ME.

I won’t believe what others say about me.
I won’t wear those negative labels.
I won’t own their lies as truth.

Because living as a shell in someone else’s shadow is no way to live.

You can’t help anyone if you’re too afraid they’ll judge you.
You can’t encourage someone if you’re too afraid they’ll reject you.
You can’t build meaningful relationships if you’re too ashamed to show up authentically.

And those consequences are too great for me to accept.

I won’t let narcissists (past and present) take what is most precious to me: Living a life of meaning, purpose, and intention.

Showing up as me.
Saying what’s true.
Being kind and courageous.

They don’t deserve to squash my inner sunshine-

And I deserve far more than living in their darkness.

What can you vow to NOT let a narcissist take from you?

Join my newsletter to get specific tips on taking back (and building) your authentic self - link in comments!

07/27/2025

Smear campaigns are one of the worst parts of narcissistic abuse.

It feels like a wildfire that’s out of your control.

People think things that are untrue.
They judge you harshly.
They hear false accusations.

And the lies spread more quickly than you can correct them.

With the sad reality being that most people don’t even ASK for the truth!

And that’s how smear campaigns work-

A narcissist spreads a bunch of lies so that when you try to correct them, it looks like you’re “causing drama.”

As if you’re perpetuating the gossip by bringing it up.
As if YOU are the one who’s being dramatic and difficult.

But as much as you want the lies to stop, you can’t control it.

You can’t stop a narcissist from manipulating the truth.

And you can’t stop the people that will believe them without giving it a second thought.

But the good news is that you don’t need to do those things to heal!

In fact, trying to control the narrative, the narcissist, or the noise is NOT how you deal with a smear campaign.

Here’s what you CAN do:

* Recognize It for What It Is: Understand that a smear campaign is a deliberate and manipulative tactic. It's not about truth; it's about control and damaging your reputation. Recognizing this helps you detach emotionally and strategize more effectively.

* Stay Calm and Don't React Emotionally: This is crucial, as the narcissist wants to provoke a reaction. Emotional outbursts can be twisted and used against you as "proof" of their false narrative. Take deep breaths, process your emotions privately, and respond thoughtfully, if at all.

* Document Everything: Keep a meticulous record of any communication, accusations, and interactions related to the smear campaign. This includes emails, texts, social media posts, and even conversations (note the date, time, and what was said). Documentation can be invaluable if you need to take legal action or defend yourself later.

* Limit or Cease Contact: If possible, minimize or completely cut off contact with the person orchestrating the smear campaign and anyone who is actively participating in spreading false information. This deprives them of fuel and reduces your exposure to their negativity.

* Focus on Healing and Self-Care: A smear campaign is a form of abuse, and it takes a toll. Prioritize your physical and mental well-being. Engage in activities that help you relax, reduce stress, and reconnect with yourself.

* Consider Legal Options: Depending on the severity and nature of the smear campaign (e.g., defamation, libel, slander), it might be necessary to consult with a lawyer to explore your legal options. They can advise you on the best course of action to protect your reputation.

Which of these strategies have you used to deal with a smear campaign?

Feeling triggered by the narcissist’s lies and those who believe them? My next newsletter out tomorrow will teach you HOW to deal with any trigger. Sign up below!

Chelsey Brooke Cole

08/07/2025

08/06/2025

08/05/2025

08/04/2025

08/03/2025

08/02/2025

08/01/2025

07/31/2025

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07/27/2025

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