The Secure Relationship

01/12/2026

For many couples, s*x becomes one of the ways they restore closeness, feel bonded, and remember that they’re on the same team. And this isn’t only about desire. It is also about nervous system soothing, shared vulnerability, and feeling chosen by each other. When s*xual satisfaction increases, a lot of people notice their overall well-being increases too. That sense of “we’re good” tends to ripple into the rest of the relationship.

01/11/2026

healthyrelationships

01/10/2026

In Session 5 of The Secure Love Podcast, “I Didn’t Get Married to Throw it All Away,” I shift the focus to Bethany’s inner world and the emotional cost of being on the receiving end of Brian’s withdrawal and threats to leave. After spending time understanding why Brian detaches when he feels unsafe, I wanted to give equal space to what it does to the partner who is left in the silence.

In Secure Love Podcast, Session 5, I help Bethany put language to what she usually holds alone: the loneliness, the fear, and the feeling that she is being punished for something she does not understand. We do somatic work to locate the fear in her body, the pit in her stomach and the lump in her throat, so she can access the deeper truth underneath her shutdown.

I also address a listener comment about fear, triggers, and narcissism, because I want to be clear about how I work. In the episode “I Didn’t Get Married to Throw it All Away,” I explain why I focus on the root rather than labels, and why vulnerability is the only path that consistently creates movement for couples who feel stuck.

This session shows something important: when Bethany speaks from her softer emotions instead of frustration, Brian’s defenses soften and his caretaking system comes online. That is the work of building secure attachment. It is not about perfection. It is about learning how to speak and listen in a way that creates safety.

https://open.spotify.com/episode/0KyneHzgALVrO62MzUYyuS?si=6VNTpOChRNivKBG-CxoP4g

01/10/2026

https://www.thesecurerelationship.com/relationship-tips/anxious-attachment-codependency-healing

Anxious attachment and codependency are often misunderstood. Learn how anxiety, emotional avoidance, and self-regulation shape these patterns and what real healing actually requires.

01/09/2026

If you have an anxious attachment, you may notice that anger shows up quickly, sometimes before you even understand what you’re reacting to. A small moment of distance, a change in tone, or feeling emotionally unseen can register in your body as danger.

A post about avoidant attachment was shared three days ago

01/09/2026

If you’re feeling tired of hearing that relationships “shouldn’t be this hard,” this is for you.

01/09/2026

https://www.thesecurerelationship.com/relationship-tips/anxious-attachment-too-needy

Anxious attachment is often labeled as “too needy,” but that label misses what’s really happening. Learn how anxious attachment shows up, what it truly needs, and how to move toward secure connection.

01/09/2026

If every decision turns into tension, distance, or someone feeling like they lost, it’s not because you’re bad at communicating. It’s usually because the conversation quietly shifts from “we’re on the same team” to “I need you to see it my way.”

01/08/2026

You’re trying. You’re reflecting. You’re slowing yourself down and doing the work. And still, you end up feeling emotionally alone, like you’re carrying the relationship by yourself while waiting for something to shift….

When your partner isn’t changing, what hurts most?

01/08/2026

https://www.thesecurerelationship.com/relationship-tips/core-difference-anxious-avoidant-attachment

Anxious and avoidant attachment styles may look opposite, but they share the same core struggle. Learn how both avoidant and anxious attachment relate to anxiety, emotional avoidance, and growth toward secure attachment.

01/07/2026

Protecting a relationship looks like letting go of perfection and allowing room to grow together. It means choosing trust and being someone your partner can rely on. It means staying curious about each other’s inner worlds, even when they change. It means tending to emotional and physical closeness on purpose, balancing seriousness with play, and working on communication when it feels strained. It includes building a friendship, respecting both togetherness and space, expressing anger clearly instead of reactively, and taking responsibility for your own growth along the way.