03/30/2022
We often hear from teens and their parents that this is the hardest time to grow up as a teenager. Each generation faces new challenges because of improvements in technology, cultural changes, and a multitude of other factors.
The good news is that, regardless of generational differences, the solution to parent and teen struggles is rooted in healthy communication patterns.
Here are some steps we recommend to help develop this pattern:
1. Listen with an open heart. Know this: your teen will know if your heart is open or not. For this phase of a conversation, you truly have to consider their argument. This doesn’t mean adopting their point of view but rather adding it to yours and seeing what comes out the other side. After all, this is what we would ask of a co-worker, friend, or relative as a sign of respect, so why wouldn’t we offer it to our kids?
2. Reflect back what you’ve heard and clarify that you’ve got it right. Let them know that you have really listened to their perspective. If your teen senses that you are demeaning or negatively judging their perspective, this won’t work.
3. Speak your reasons and indicate the decision. Your reasons here are so important! With this, don’t expect for your teen to agree with you if your decision is to limit their freedom. It’s your job to limit them, it’s their job to push back. If they argue back, you may listen, or you may also choose to express your understanding of their frustration and that your decision is final. Of course, this can lead to an outburst. Give them time to cool off before you give them consequences. Punishing them right away will lead them to feeling hopeless and, often, to raising the stakes.
