Selah Counseling

11/07/2025

What happens when "anger" isn't just about anger?
As a therapist, I often hear: “We just have anger issues.” But sometimes what looks like anger is really about control. This distinction matters deeply—for healing, for safety, and for hope.
That's what today's blog post is dedicated to. 💓

Anger is one of those emotions that can look the same on the outside but mean very different things underneath. Raised voices, slammed doors, sharp words—at first glance, it can all seem like “someone with an anger problem.” But in therapy, we learn that not all anger is created equal. There.....

11/06/2025

This round is winding down, but my thankfulness for who I get to work with and what I get to do is not. If you'd like to vote, the link is below. 🩵🩷💗

https://kitsap.secondstreetapp.com/Best-of-the-Best-Kitsap/gallery/?group=530097
-Mental Health Counseling Services
-Selah Counseling, Ashlee Reese, CK

10/29/2025

Conflict isn’t a sign that love is gone. It’s a signal. 🪢 It’s the smoke rising from a deeper fire — the fear of disconnection. When that fear gets triggered, couples begin a dance. Each partner plays a role meant to protect them from pain, but those moves often push the other away.

Today's blog explores three of the most common dances couples get caught in, and how understanding the emotions underneath can change the rhythm.

When non-abusive couples find themselves arguing over the same issues again and again, it’s rarely about the dishes, the tone, or the timing. Beneath every fight lies a longing — a longing to feel secure, seen, and emotionally connected to the one we love. Conflict isn’t a sign that love is go...

10/27/2025

IT'S the FINAL SHOWDOWN! I can't thank everyone enough for voting me into the Winner's Circle another year. 😌🎀

Voting is from Oct. 27–Nov. 7 if you'd like to participate.

https://kitsap.secondstreetapp.com/Best-of-the-Best-Kitsap/gallery/?group=530097
-Mental Health Counseling Services
-Selah Counseling, Ashlee Reese, CK

Thank you EVERYONE for being considered for this beautiful award. 🫶 I have loved loved loved loved loved all that has gone into this year with the incredible people that I get to work with. If that's you, THANK YOU.

10/19/2025

Hope to see you there! 💖
https://facebook.com/events/s/wednesday-wellness-workshop-no/4676715389222137/

10/18/2025

This November 5th, from 6-7 pm, Brett from BC Fitness and I are collaborating to speak on Disordered Eating, Anxiety, and Self Identity. This is testimony mixed with professional insights - from both a Mental Health Practitioner and Personal Trainer. And it's free to serve our community!

As Brett said eloquently, "We’re going to talk about my story (and in a lot of ways, everyone’s story) about what it means to hold it together when life gets heavy... It’s about being human, and finding a little peace in the middle of the mess."

Disordered eating has many similarities to other things we struggle with. I encourage you to join - the things you, or a friend, struggle with may in fact have the same roots. I'm excited to be a part of ending stigma and proclaiming truth over these sensitive topics we often deal with privately, or behind the mask of performance.

Free to attend but limited seats. I want you to be one of them!
🌟 💞 Reserve your spot here:
https://www.signupgenius.com/go/10C0B44A8AE28A7FDC07-58623316-nourishing?fbclid=IwY2xjawNfvYxleHRuA2FlbQIxMABicmlkETExbXJ3QVFrejZ0VUtnbkpJAR5aCkmEeAN9DZYNe_8e1vbfVN1Zzhzer8HzZ2owxjKcWP2hoFnBxliqhwM8Wg_aem_QFil6q7tRbhTJfBFccBdag

Please bring a friend, or just yourself. I'll personally greet you and would love to chat after. We want to pack the house.

Send a message to learn more

10/11/2025

Some great news to share! 🥳

PSA: Selah Counseling has expanded their hours to offer more daytime sessions! If you or someone you love has been looking for a therapist with availability, I'd love to answer any questions you may have before scheduling an intake and pursuing support for those relational, emotional, or mental health needs.

Also, in November, Selah will be speaking on disordered eating at BC Fitness in Silverdale. This will be a free mental health event to support and provide education to the community at "Wednesday Wellness". More info to come on this as we approach the holidays!

10/07/2025

When someone is emotionally available - willing and able to show up - we don’t have as many blanks to fill in. We have a person to explore, someone to know, understand, and be excited about.

When someone is emotionally unavailable, there is a heck of a lot of space to fill. And here’s where we make a choice: do we see that person for where they are and decide if this works - or - do we fill in the space with fantasies.⁣
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Because when we romanticize people, it’s generally because we have less of an emotionally available person to explore. And this is where we project our hopes and excitement of what we want on to this person. They become the fantasy, and this is one way we trick ourselves into sticking around with someone who isn’t able to meet us.

We aren’t actually sticking around for what we currently have and where this person currently is, we are sticking around for the fantasy we have created around them. We are clinging to the idea of them, the hope of them, and the projections (of what we want) become about them instead of what we need to own. ⁣
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So let’s pause here.

It’s important we work on being present and fully seeing people. Their patterns, even if that pattern is a void or withdrawal. Hold on to your hopes and dreams and future excitement, but keep it your own until someone *earns* it. When our hope *becomes* someone else, we get desperate that they are the only ones who can fulfill all the wonderful things we want. And that’s the trap my friends. Because it’s so far from the truth, and the longer we project on to people who cannot meet us, the further away we are from finding the partner we are looking for, the parent we can rely on, the friend we actually can trust...

This is one of the "appeals" of unavailable people.

10/06/2025

There is a phrase that says, “The body achieves what the mind believes.” Vulnerability, frustration tolerance, being generous, grief, experiencing joy, and emotionally stepping out to do hard things are all *physical* experiences even if they visually look like internal processes. We are interwoven and holistic beings.

❤

Positive affirmations have been getting their much-deserved time to shine in the last several years, but is there any truth to them? Science says yes, in fact.

Self-affirmation theory, coined by social psychologist, Claude Steele, is a psychological theory that suggests people are able to maintain their sense of self-worth by repeatedly telling themselves what to believe. Empirical evidence shows self-affirmation can help people cope with stress and may also help improve their performance and health outcomes.

I strongly believe it has its place in our lives and in our children’s lives, too. While the days are long in these early years of being a parent, the years are short.

Shaping the way my children think about themselves is my highest honor and priority as their mother. My children take risks, but I often hear them go from nerves to pride as they latch onto the affirmations I have vocalized to them. That pride often propels the action they were immobilized by a few minutes before.

Here are a few affirmations I’ve said during my seven years as a parent:

You can do difficult things.

Your opinions matter.

You are capable.

You deserve an apology, I have wronged you.

You have a voice inside of our home.

You are loved just the way you are.

There’s nothing you can say or do to change my love for you.

You are not what you do.

You’re a good kid.

Having feelings—no matter how big or small—is normal.

Your time and energy are invaluable.

You don’t have to be perfect to be powerful.

The effort you put into things is amazing.

You are strong and confident even when you’re afraid.

You are brave enough to be bad at something.

People’s opinions of you may change, but what God thinks of you never will. (If you are not spiritual, you could say "what 'I' think of you never will).

Everyone makes mistakes.

Welcome to my mistake crew! I love that you're in my club.

You do things with your own style.

Anyone would be lucky to be your mom/dad.

You are a blessing on your hard days, and your easy days.

You were chosen and are wanted.

Would love to hear the things you WISHED you heard as a child, and the things you desire to impart to your littles and loved ones.

On the journey with you. - Selah.

09/27/2025

Good Morning Everyone! 🥰🫶
To be nominated in 3 regions, and win Best of Kitsap 3 years in a row is such a beautiful privilege. Selah Counseling started word of mouth, and has grown from that basis - from you sharing the stories of me working with the incredible people in your lives. I can't say THANK YOU enough times. I love my job, because I love the people I sit with.

If I have worked with you, thank you . I have loved being with you. You are what make these moments have significance. Best of Kitsap Clients Forever 🥹💓 -Ashlee

08/25/2025

Love that lasts makes room for your “no” as much as your “yes.” 👏

💞 This includes love for yourself.