09/08/2023
Institutional Dying and Dying at Home
After many hours of experience and end-of-life doula education, I was still unprepared for family members' questions as one of our loved ones was dying. I was drowning in the moment that this was my loved one. An aunt looked at me and asked why I kept repeating that you do not want our loved one to die in a facility. The question brought me back to what I know and the many families and dying I have helped.
If all options are exhausted, and there is no longer a want, need, or chance for medical intervention, and we are just laying in a cold room, surrounded by the noise of alarms, meal carts, and no windows we can see out of, why not go home to where you are comfortable, surrounded by your things, your animals, your bed, quietness, and peaceful music. The aroma of candles, or however you picture your last days at home. Do you imagine looking out your window into a field you have farmed all your life? A canopy above your bed with dim lighting resembling your belief in heaven. Many faiths, religions, and spiritual wishes can be honored and performed according to your wants or desires at the end of your life in your home. Having an end-of-life doula will ensure you are comfortable and at peace.
The end-of-life doula will also assist your family. The grieving process is overwhelming and exhausting. The family needs relief and options to be involved in the loved one's last days. Most Americans do not speak, think, or prepare for dying. We think of institutional dying. Not all want to spend their final days in an institution or facility. An end-of-life doula works alongside hospice, and hospice is limited to when hospice can be in the home. The end-of-life doula fills in the gaps for the dying and the loved ones.
Recently, a member of a dying family called to explain the wishes of their loved one. The wishes consisted of being placed outside their garden under a canopy when the time was near. The wishes express the aroma in the air and the prayers to be said. The end-of-life doula arranged every wish so the family could focus on their loved one. The dying and their family members were comforted knowing their dying loved one was comfortable and at peace; they took their last breath just as they had wished.
The end-of-life doula made all the appropriate phone calls while the family could spend those last moments before the funeral home of choice picked up their loved one.
When you are planning your end-of-life wishes, the sky is the limit. An end-of-life doula will ensure you receive the proper care in your preferred environment. Your family will also receive the care and comfort needed during this process.
I am available to discuss any arrangements you are considering when all medical intervention has been exhausted. Serenity Now is a nonjudgemental end-of-life doula service.
**End-of-life doula services do not assist with medical or assisted suicidal death
