19/08/2024
Are You Paying Enough Attention to How You Communicate?
Years ago I worked for a sleep and meditation app and one of the things we trained on regularly was communication. We not only had a diverse group of coaches, but our client population was from around the globe and quite diverse as well. It was important not only to recognize cultural differences within the coaching relationship (some cultures looked at the coaches as 'experts' and wanted us to tell them what to do), but also communication styles (almost all countries are higher context communicators than US citizens meaning the conversations were much more implicit and dependent upon when, where, and how words are said). Needless to say, there were a lot of factors affecting our coaching sessions such as our clients' ethnicity, the country they were working in, their role in the company, and so on that all influenced communication within our 20-30 minute coaching sessions. It was amazing to connect to people around the world and is one of the reasons (aside from having a non-verbal child) that I am fascinated by communication.
Verbal communication is one of the ways we connect to our world. Because of this, communicating clearly is very important. Don Miguel Ruiz in, The Four Agreements, talks about being impeccable with your word. This idea is paramount in all aspects of verbal communication whether you are communicating cross-culturally with business associates, strangers you meet in public or someone you love, especially in an emotional situation.
While it is important to speak your truth, it is just as important to do it in a responsible way that isn’t violent, passive-aggressive or reactive. Finding space in the heat of the moment, asking the person you are communicating with for a break (if possible), or realizing when the person you are speaking with is flooded (even though they may not be aware), are all opportunities to gather your thoughts, choose your words wisely, and let emotions subside. I like to connect communication with yogic philosophy: specifically the principles of Ahimsa (nonviolence), Satya (truthfulness), and Saucha (purity).
Ahimsa, nonviolent communication, is a subject that I wrote about a few months ago. I won’t go into it much here, but you can read my post about it in this link. Basically, you are communicating in a way that doesn’t attack your partner and your partner is actively listening to you in order to understand your feelings.
Speaking your truth, Satya. This is where vulnerability and being able to identify your feelings comes into play. Taking time for the wave of emotions to subside so you can identify what you are truly feeling, why you are feeling it (I felt ____, because _____), and then being ‘impeccable with your words’ and expressing that constructively.
And finally Saucha, purity. Purity or cleanliness not necessarily of the physical area around you (which is part of Saucha), but purity of heart and mind. Not bringing others into the discussion, not having ulterior motives, being transparent.
Certainly these will look a bit different depending upon the context of your interaction, but the basic principles still apply. Be intentional with your words. Take responsibility not just for what you say, but also for how you say it. And above all, communicate with love.
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