School Speechie Resources

05/18/2025

Recently, I overheard a conversation between a couple of teachers. They were talking about a student on the spectrum who has some of the common issues – – difficulty staying on task, auditory comprehension of instructions and anxiety. The comment was made that the child didn’t pay attention and wouldn’t finish his work. The conversation led me to believe that there is the belief that he is defiant in his refusal to work, and in his inability to pay attention. One of them told about his frequent statements that he wanted her to stop looking at him. She went on to say that she has to look at him to make sure he’s paying attention. At this point, I could no longer keep my mouth shut. I interrupted, telling them that he perceives her as staring at him. (The response was “well I’m not”, which I know is true, but it doesn’t matter that she’s not, his perception is that she is.) I shared the story with them about my son, how he was unable to cope with what he thought was people looking at him. He wore a hooded sweatshirt with the hood pulled up around his face for many years. It took incremental steps from an understanding teacher to slowly help him feel safe enough to go without it. He was trapped in a defensive fright or flight pattern just like we might be if put into a scary environment or felt unsafe. He felt just like I might if someone was walking behind me on a dark street. I can turn and look at that person and he can tell me that he’s not following me. But does that change how I feel or perceive that person? Am I being willfully stubborn in my belief that this person is following me? Or am I just scared and anxious? In that state of mind, I can tell you that I could not learn some new concept or do a math equation! The entire situation would change if I had a strong, brave friend join me in my walk (just like the child might if a loving aide was nearby to help in the learning process.) I get really frustrated with educators who do not understand this and that they perceive this child as being willfully disobedient and willfully defiant. We are the adult and we can change our behavior, attitude and teaching practices much easier than the student can change the way he perceives the world or how he learns. In grade school my son was mistreated after not getting out of his seat to join his class to go to PE. His teacher did not know why he wouldn’t go, just that he was refusing. Her response was to force him to leave the room and to punish him for his refusal. Her attitude was that he would do what she told him or else! I hated her for the fear she inflicted on him. Even as an adult, my son asked me why we let his teachers hurt him when he was little. That is how he perceived it, that they were hurting him and we let them. It still breaks my heart that he suffered in this way.
Don’t misunderstand, these are well intentioned teachers who truly care about their student, but they don’t “get it” and I feel like I’m in a losing fight in my attempts to help them understand.

08/21/2024

💙

04/21/2024

Edited further to add:

I'm going to think on this some more.
I'll follow up on the weekend.

Edited to add:

My main takeaway from this was that people still have an expectation of what Autism looks like. If your child doesn't match that expectation then their needs often get dismissed, invalidated, written off as poor behaviour. Especially our PDA kids.

I'm not suggesting that other Autistic kids have it easier. I know very well that they don't.

I know.

No matter your support needs, Autistic people do not have it easy.

These words share the perspective of a parent who is feeling it all today.
............

“If my child flapped his hands when he felt overwhelmed, would you like him more?

If my child flapped his hands when he felt backed into a corner, would you show him sympathy in place of contempt?

If my child rocked back and forth when his work is hard, would you modify his workload and coach him through the struggle?

If my child rocked back and forth when the playground was too noisy, would he receive support through that transition?

If my child flapped and rocked would you call him;
Insolent
Non compliant
Disobedient
Belligerent
Defiant?

Or would he finally earn adjectives like;
Struggling
Overwhelmed
Overstimulated
Anxious?

If he was Autistic in all the ways he’s ’supposed’ to be Autistic, would the Special Education Department reply to my emails? Would he still be punished for his behaviour in a moment of overwhelming? Would he still be forced to comply, over and over and over again?

But he doesn’t flap or rock or vocally stim.
He fights or he flights, and on days where just one more expectation feels crushing, he sometimes does both simultaneously.

He talks back and he disagrees, and subconsciously engages the part of his brain that is wired to protect him from threat at all costs.

Unfortunately for him, his brain is Autistic and can’t always distinguish if that threat is a lion or a line that he’s expected to stand in.

If my child flapped,
If my child rocked,
Would my child be worth helping?”

🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈

This profound collection of words is part of a longer piece that someone sent to me in my DMs (requesting to remain anonymous).

It feels so relevant, especially for our PDAers.

It reminds me of Ross Greene’s work where he talks about ‘lucky’ and ‘unlucky’ behaviours.

Our PDA kids often exhibit ‘unlucky’ behaviours that often result in adults being angry rather than empathetic, judgemental rather than curious. Our kids get heavier behaviour plans, bigger consequences.

I hope we are sorting it out.

Understanding is the first step.
Yes?

Em 🌈

03/17/2024

One of many easy to use and FREE AAC apps.

‎Child not talking yet? This app helps you find out what your child wants. It has choice boards, voice controls, and Augmented and Alternative Communication (AAC) functions.