Vacca Associates Family Checks 'n Balances

07/21/2025

Hi there....if you are here, well, you need to join my group because that is where we get all the conversation going!

The latest topic is how to pack for a trip with an older family member.

It seems the older we get the more there is to pack (meds, walker, wheelchair, CPAP, etc etc) and how to best manage all of the 'stuff' plus your loved one.

Haven't joined the V***a Associates group yet??

Scan the QR code and come on in!!!

07/03/2025

To all my Facebook family and friends....

06/26/2025

I finally did it!! I formed a Facebook group for V***a Associates!! If you know anything about me you know I love to share ideas, insights, experiences and learnings with others who are navigating the later years of life. With 40+ years of experience in the field of aging, healthcare and social services -- and growing older myself -- there is much to discuss, much to learn from one another, and a ton of great practical ideas to share. Sooo, feel free to join the group -- https://www.facebook.com/groups/vaccaassociatesfamilychecksnbalances

Send a message to learn more

06/15/2025

06/14/2025

For my many clients and families who have served in the Army....

Congratulations as you celebrate the formation of the US Army.

Thank you for your service.

(Photo credit: US Army Public Affairs)

06/06/2025

The 81st anniversary of D-Day at Omaha Beach. Lest we forget what the greatest generation did that day.

Photo credit: Courtesy of The National WWII Museum

05/10/2025

Here's to a wonderful and blessed Mother's Day!!!

04/01/2025

Lost from View

Ever been in a moment when you think you have become lost...not seen or heard...to everyone around you (even in the midst of a crowd)?

It's a sense of being present, people have acknowledged you, but then you look around. Everyone is engaged with someone but you, and you feel unknown, unseen, unheard, and irrelevant.

Does this sound crazy or does it sound like what so many older adults feel when they are in the midst of family gatherings or sitting at home alone when there are no phone calls or knocks on the door for days?

Even though more and more people are living longer, more and more baby boomers are working well beyond 'normal' retirement age, and most aging adults maintain mental and intellectual capacity well into their later years but...

they become wallpaper - there but not given any attention outside of social pleasantries - the hellos and 'how are you?' and then...that's the end of engagement and conversation.

So, let me share some thoughts with you. Remember, these are just my thoughts and ramblings from a kid raised in an extended family, small town, farm life who has lived on the West Coast from most of her older elementary days to now.

There are some cultures in the world where older adults are held up and honored and admired, given respect and attention. But, in our American culture, we have moved away from agricultural, small town to fast-paced, urban communities with families spread out all over, often many hours or miles away.

In our American culture I believe we shared that respect and honor for older adults at one time but it seems to have slipped away over the past many decades.

Here's one possible reason as to 'why '(I know - there are many more but there's not enough room here to go into all of them).

We have grown up with a mentality of a 'throw away' life - if it breaks, oh well, throw it away and get a new one. It doesn't seem to matter what the "it" is that has broken - rather than try to fix it (my Dad was a great fixer of just about everything!) we toss it into landfills and buy a new one.

What's my point? There has been much research over the past 40-50 years that some of the 'throw away' mentality moved over to how we look at aging and deal with folks who are in that 65+ age group. How we look at people! Our family members as well as other older adults in our communities.

Would you want to be treated as wallpaper - there but not seen?

Would you want to be treated as irrelevant to the conversation and never asked to be engaged with others?

I do believe how we treat our more vulnerable members of society - our young and our aging - says a great deal of what kind of community we really live in.

I may be biased (due to my decades of work with older adults and getting up there myself) but I think too many of us have tossed older ones aside and subconsciously (and consciously!) view older adults as irrelevant to whatever is currently going on.

I mean - they aren't probably as tech savvy as you, it takes them longer to get their thoughts out, they keep repeating the same old worn out stories, they use words you don't understand (haha - think about that one), they aren't up on the latest, greatest trends, they don't stream movies on their phones or TVs.....I could go on but I will stop here.

Yet for all the things that older adult aren't - look at all the things they are.

They are the survivors of their tribe (Maggie Kuhn's great words - she was a forerunner in aging advocacy in the 70s and 80s).

They have gone through so much and have such insight and wisdom.

They can learn new things!!! Can we put that debate to bed?? It's been well researched older adults can learn new things - like computers and cell phones!!

They have had experiences across a lifetime that are rich in understanding of us humans and often can see things from a much broader perspective than any of the younger folks.

They are often much more forgiving, grace-filled and merciful when it comes to acknowledging their own shortcomings and mistakes - as well as those of others.

They have the history of not just world events but, perhaps most importantly, your family history. And, once they are gone...it's gone and lost forever.

Ever wished your Mom, Dad, grandparent, aunt or uncle was still around so you could ask them one more question about your past, what you were like, what silly things you did?

It's time for each of us to stop and consider in what little ways - and big ways - we make an older person feel unseen, unheard, irrelevant - like wallpaper.

What can you do to turn it around and find a wonderful, interesting, compassionate, caring, supportive, thoughtful, insightful, inspiring new friend in an older person??

You would make their day if you brought them into the conversation. Trust me on this one! I know.

Send a message to learn more

03/11/2025

What do you mean by "It's just me"??

Ever gone into a restaurant and the hostess ask you how many in your party and you respond, "Just me"?

Or, it's Thanksgiving and your neighbor ask you who is coming to your home for the big day, and you respond, "Oh, it's just the two of us this year."

What have been your thoughts and emotions when you give that response?

I know for me, at times....I have felt awkward, almost embarrassed, sad, lonely, depressed. Can anyone relate??

We humans are social animals. We like others around us (ok, my great grandfather was a hermit so some don't want others around). We feel out of place by ourselves. Privately, most of us long for someone to come up to us and say, "Hey, come join us. We would love to have you be with us."

As we age, being "just me" becomes the norm. More frequently, you find yourself on your own....going window shopping by yourself vs with your best friend, preparing dinner for one vs two or more, going to a movie on your own.

Growing older, being the survivor of your family and friends, often means you are the one left after a spouse or close friend becomes ill and can't go out anymore or passes away.

The kids are grown and on their own, and often move away taking the grandkids with them (boo).

You are on your own....alone.

It becomes "just me."

How well do you cope with being "just me"?

In my work, I am often the only person in my client's life. They are truly the 'survivor of their tribe' (Maggie Kuhn, an early leader in the aging movement, coined that phrase). I have two such clients right now. One is still healthy and able to be in his own home, active and engaged. The other is in an assisted living facility and can't do much but loves playing solitaire card games.

And, I have often found myself in the position of being "just me."

For some, being 'just me' is not really an issue. They have hobbies, interests, part time work....you name it, they have a lot going on and don't mind being on their own without someone else in the home or close by.

For others, it is the time in which a deep sense of loneliness, sadness and depression can set in and they begin to isolate, afraid to venture out (if they are still able to).

Much of how we handle being on our own is directly related to our health...physical, mental and emotional.

If we are healthy and able to come and go (yes, don't take our cars away...lol), be engaged as we want to....life moves forward even if we have lost loved ones.

But, if you aren't in good health, and suddenly find yourself, on your own, unable to come and go as you would like, unable to engage with others.....life seems like it is standing still or going backwards.

So, how do you begin to get honest with yourself and those closest to you to let them know when you aren't coping well with being 'just me'?

Well, first, like I just said...check in with yourself, be honest about what you are thinking and how you are feeling about being on your own. Come to understand when it is ok and when it's not ok with you to be alone.

Next, if you find that it is bothering you to be alone, you are finding more times and days where you feel sad, lonely, crying (even those few tears), struggling to figure out what is next in life....please let your family and friends know you need to talk together and see what options there are to help you feel involved and engaged in living life.

Family and Friends.....don't wait, please...don't wait for your older family member or friend to reach out to you....stop and consider that they may find it hard to talk to you about how they are doing and feeling.

Don't ask them how their feeling.....just ask them to come and be a part of a special day, a celebration, a trip to the mall, going out to dinner, spending the day at your home....or maybe, you all go spend the day at their home (uuhhmm).

Don't get so wrapped up in your schedule and activities that you forget that with a bit of extra effort you may just make someone else's day....and save them from something much worse than just sitting alone in their home and wondering if anyone knows that they are still on planet earth.

Yes, I know this has turned into more of a discussion about what family and friends can do but....that's how you help someone get over the "just me" syndrome.

Our older family members and friends don't want to be a bother. They don't want you to know how alone they feel (yes, it's hard to admit that to yourself let alone anyone else). They're not sure how to tell you to include them....it's unknown territory for them.

So, let's find a way that being "just me" is not anything to be embarrassed by or awkward about.....because it is more the norm than most us know. There are more and more younger and older people who are on their own.

So, let's make this new norm into a positive Let's build new ways of doing life together and supporting one another across the ages and lifestages!

(And, you can invite me to dinner!! LOL)

Send a message to learn more

02/28/2025

Oh my, it has been soo very long since I have posted on my V***a Associates page! Life has thrown some punches, but I have maintained my work for my older clients and their families. That's good news!!

Here's some more good news!! I have relaunched my website, www.vaccaassociates.com, with a whole new look. Let me know what you think (leave a comment below).

I also have a new offer, which you can read about on my website. Briefly, due to many requests for assistance from across the US, I have decided to provide up to 2 hours of consultation for a low flat fee (and, if you know me at all, you know you will get more than that, as I am here to help support you and provide solutions!).

And, I am going to start a podcast! I'm so excited! So many colleagues have encouraged me to do so but I have been hesitant (don't ask me why).

I have refreshed my YouTube channel () and have it ready to upload my podcast there.

I plan to do a number of interviews (so you don't have to listen to me yacking the whole time...lol) of professionals in the field of aging and elder care services. Many are fellow colleagues I have worked with over the years that are the best of the best in their specific area of support and care.

I am excited to be in touch with everyone again.

Let me know if I can help you by leaving me a quick note in the comments.

Talk with you soon!!

Sometimes Life is a Balancing Act....and Providing Balance is Our Business