Susan’s Breast Cancer Journey Through Hell

Susan’s Breast Cancer Journey Through Hell The mental and physical toll breast cancer takes on a person.

It has been awhile since I posted here. A lot has changed. My last PET scan showed a lot of progression of the cancer th...
01/18/2024

It has been awhile since I posted here. A lot has changed. My last PET scan showed a lot of progression of the cancer through my body, to include lungs and liver, plus more bone progression. I am now on oxygen full time and will be having procedures to drain the fluid out of the plural area of the lung. They will change my medications and see if they can get the progression under control.

10/11/2023

Well I haven’t written here in awhile. Life has been a struggle. I ask so many time show people can live like this. Some days I am ok and other days I have nothing in me.

This is what I am on now:

I see a lot of people handling all the drugs so well and I’m thinking I can do this. Then, I realize I really can’t. I was on Letrozole, Kisqali, and Xgeva. Plus 10-12 mg. of Oxicodone every 4 hours for pain. I have horrible pain from the bone Mets, hence the Oxicodone. I started experiencing trigger finger and numbness in my left hand, then it spread to my right hand and started to spread to my left foot. I did some research and found that 3%of people in a bunch of studies would get this from the use of Letrozole. I took myself of Letrozole for a month and it’s didn’t fix the damage already done, but I have to say I felt more human off the medication. Then a few days ago the doctor wanted me to try long acting pain meds, so switched to Oxicontin, I was to take them every 12 hours. I did this and by 4 hours in, I was nauseated, sweating and freezing at the same time. I’m fairly sure I was having withdrawal symptoms. So, I called the doctor and she said that I could take one 5 mg of Oxicodone every 4 hours to help this. That wasn’t really helping much. So, by the end of that day I went back to the Oxicodone only every 4 hours. I didn’t understand how the long acting was any better when I was still having to take the short acting in between. The point was to stop setting my alarm every 4 hours and having to take pills. Then the oncologist changed me to Aromasin® (exemestane). Now back to hot flashes and feeling crappy again. The pain in my hands came back almost immediately. I am miserable all the time. No energy ever. I sleep more than I’m awake. I try and go out and do stuff one day and then the next two days I am down for the count. Anyone else experienceing this misery? I feel so alone when I read how well others are doing. I couldn’t even imagine trying to work a job!

04/18/2023

Haven’t posted here with any updates for awhile. Saw my radiology oncologist today. He wants an MRI on my brain to check to see if any cancer has spread there, since I’ve been getting headaches. Leaving Saturday the 22nd to head to MD Anderson in Houston to see what they think. Started a medicine called Letrozole. New medication will start when I get home from Houston. Making the trip with my mom and my youngest daughter. Hoping to see the beach while I am there. Excited to see some family and friends on this trip.

03/24/2023

I really hope people say I was murdered by cancer when I die.

03/22/2023

I am losing touch with myself and reality. It’s been over a year since I wasn’t poked, prodded, dr apts, blood draws, under the knife, biopsies, medication, ivs, port access, etc. I just want to know what it feels like to feel good.

03/22/2023

Thursday is my next PET scan. Just by the way I feel internally, I can already tell it won’t be good news.

03/22/2023

Tomorrow I go get a biopsy on lymph node in my upper shoulder/ neck area on the left side. It’s going to hurt and suck!

03/14/2023

I haven’t posted in a bit and figured I’d give an update. My trip to MD Anderson was rescheduled for April26th due to some glitches in them receiving my medical records. I have a PET scan coming up this Thursday. I have a bone biopsy next week.

A few days ago I cut my pointer finger, while cutting tomatoes, on my left hand. It was a tiny slice. I washed it good with anitbacgerial soap. Later that night it was a little tender so I put some antibacterial ointment in it and a band aid for a couple days. Yesterday morning I woke up and my upper left arm was a little swollen and I figured it was a little case of lymphedema since I had been doing more with my left arm lately. I wore a compression sleeve all day yesterday, then around 7-8 pm last night it was hhurting really bad. I took the sleeve off and notice a lot of swelling and bruising in different areas of the upper arm, plus it was warm to the touch and very tender to touch. I had Terry look at it and then I called my oncologist. I was worried it could be a blood clot. She said to go to the emergency room. Terry and I drove to the emergency room, an hour away, waited an hour to get called back. They ran an ultrasound of my entire left arm and chest area to check for blood clots. After a lot of blood work, they concluded it was a bad infection from that tiny knife cut. Since they removed most of my lymph nodes on the left side of my armpit, I don’t have a way for that side to fight off infection well. So, a small cut led to a giant scary infection. Good news is, I think we fought it early enough and received treatment early enough. I received IV antibiotics and IV fluids. They sent me home with a prescription for antibiotics that I need to go get filled today. 7 days of antibiotics and I hope to be back to my old new!

02/23/2023

Today I want to give up, throw in the towel, and say enough is enough. Pain, misery, uncomfortableness, lack of sleep, and the inability to eat much…..all of these things really just make living almost not worth it. You have to have pleasure to counteract the misery.

02/18/2023

When your married and you visualize what life will be like growing old together. Then one person ends up with cancer and the other is still healthy, it’s very hard to see through each others eyes what is best for each other anymore. I am at the stage where realistically I know for my sanity that I’d like to sell all my horses, horse trailers, tractors, flatbed trailers, and horse equipment. Sell my cows and anything related to livestock. I’d like to buy a motorhome and try and travel between treatments. Maybe find a little house somewhere that could be a home base during treatments. I see all the equipment we have and see that we could sell it and make enough money to live some of my dreams before it’s too late.

My husband refuses to talk about any of this. He is supportive each time I’m sick and through my surgeries, but when it comes to long term decision making, it’s harder for him to let the stuff go. I get it I suppose, he isn’t sick, he is at a different point than I am. He wants to still hold on to all this. I guess he can go ride horses by himself, continue to do all the work by himself, and enjoy all these things by himself.

All the while, I guess I get to sit here and watch out the windows everything I loved but now can’t enjoy. I get to just continue to suffer mentally and physically until I die. Just thought it would be nice to get to have some peace before I left this earth.

Just had to get this off my chest. My husband isn’t a bad person, he just sees things different than I do, I mean I guess why shouldn’t he, he is going to live.

02/16/2023

Well the past week has been a nightmare since my surgery. I have had a lot of pain and vomiting. Last night I started a rash in my chest and can’t figure out what it’s from, took Benadryl last night but it’s back tonight. Tonight after my shower I noticed that part of my incision is broken open and oozing. I just can’t catch a break! Tomorrow I see surgeon for a follow up and then my oncologist for who knows what.

I had my ooperectomy surgery this morning. Went mostly smoothly, however the surgeon accidentally cut, punctured, or nic...
02/10/2023

I had my ooperectomy surgery this morning. Went mostly smoothly, however the surgeon accidentally cut, punctured, or nicked (however you want it justify it) my bowel. So they had to call in a specialist and have them repair and stitch my bowel up. So, that means one more thing to have to worry about and be cautious about firing healing. What would or could have been a semi-easy recovery, has now become a worrisome healing. Could get Infected, could not hol repair and leaks f***s where you don’t want them, could get and infection. I have to be careful of what I eat, try to not get constipated, and be mindful of more advanced pain or fever.

Ugh!!! Just can’t do things the way way.
Why me?

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