12/09/2024
People pleasing isn’t love…it’s fear
People-pleasing is often driven by fear rather than love because it typically stems from a desire to avoid conflict, gain approval, or prevent rejection. While it may seem like an act of kindness or affection toward others, it is more about trying to control how others perceive you or managing the fear of not being liked or accepted.
Here’s why people-pleasing is rooted in fear rather than love:
🦋Fear of Rejection: People-pleasers often fear rejection or criticism, so they go out of their way to please others to avoid being judged or abandoned. This fear of negative outcomes makes them put others' needs above their own, sometimes at the expense of their own well-being.
🦋Lack of Boundaries: When someone is pleasing others to avoid conflict or discomfort, they often don’t set clear boundaries. This can lead to burnout or resentment, as they are neglecting their own needs to meet others' demands. Healthy love requires boundaries and mutual respect, while people-pleasing is more about maintaining control over how others view you.
🦋Seeking Validation: People-pleasers often seek external validation to feel good about themselves. They may act in ways they believe will earn approval, but this is driven by insecurity and the need for external affirmation rather than a genuine, unconditional sense of self-worth that comes with real love.
🦋Fear of Conflict: People-pleasers tend to avoid conflict at all costs. Love, on the other hand, often involves honest communication, even when it leads to discomfort or disagreement. People-pleasers may suppress their true feelings, hoping to keep the peace, rather than expressing their needs and desires authentically.
🦋Conditional Love: People-pleasing can create a dynamic where love or affection is seen as conditional, based on one's ability to meet others' expectations. True love, however, is unconditional and does not require earning or performing for affection. People-pleasing often comes from the belief that you are only worthy of love if you can constantly make others happy.
🐛In contrast, love is based on authenticity, acceptance, and mutual respect. True love involves being comfortable with yourself and your needs while also being considerate of others. People-pleasing is a survival mechanism in response to fear, while love is a deeper, more genuine connection that isn’t dependent on external validation or approval.
