Revive Family and Wellness

10/05/2025

Holding Space 💜

Posted • As Mother’s Day draws near… I’m holding space for you ♥️

10/05/2025

Let's talk about "Choose your hard."

"Divorce is hard. Marriage is hard. Choose your hard."

This meme, so often tossed around like confetti at a parade of false piety, pretends to be wisdom. But underneath... it's often betrayal wrapped in a bow.

If you are living inside abuse, manipulation, coercion, or chronic deceit—it isn't a matter of choosing between two equally "hard" paths.

Staying isn't just "hard."
In situations like this, staying can become impossible.
It's a slow death from a thousand tiny stab wounds, the quiet erasure of your soul.

And if the only thing that makes your marriage "valid" is a government contract or a tax return... you don't have a marriage. You have a legal fiction.

❓So what makes a marriage? ❓

Is it the big party?
The state license?
The sizzling IG photo dump?

Or is it—was it always meant to be—the sacred vows made before God?

Because if the vows are broken—if love, honor, honesty, and faithfulness are shattered—then the covenant is broken.

And no list of legalities can patch it back together.

If we truly hold a "high view of marriage," we'd stop preaching *survival at all costs.* We'd stop tying people to crosses God never told them to carry. We'd stop calling suffering "faithfulness" and misnaming bo***ge "sanctification."

A true high view of marriage would:
💥 Value the quality of the relationship over the duration of the contract.
💥 Refuse to sanctify abuse and betrayal under the guise of "endurance."
💥 Demand mutual faithfulness, integrity, tenderness, and truth.
💥 Recognize that if vows are trampled, the marriage is already dead—and God is not honored by dwelling among bones.

What if—instead—we viewed marriage with SO MUCH SACREDNESS that we made it hard to enter and easy to exit when destruction reigns. Why, you ask?

🎁 Because God's heart beats for the oppressed, not for preserving pretty appearances.
🎁 Because a covenant without mutuality isn't a partnership—it's a prison.
🎁 Because enduring endless harm isn't faithfulness—it's participation in your own destruction.
🎁 Because God is a refuge for the brokenhearted, not a warden over their suffering.

And sometimes, walking away is the truest act of love.

Not because you "gave up."
Not because you "hardened your heart."

But...
✅ because you refused to keep lying to cover up someone else's evil.
✅ because you could no longer keep offering unconditional loyalty to someone who keeps handing you betrayal in return.
✅ because you chose INTEGRITY over enabling.

If you've lived trapped in the fog of coercion and control—if cognitive dissonance has numbed your spirit—then seeing that meme about "choosing your hard" feels like a slap in the face.

Because not all "hard" is the same.

The "hard" of healing is real.
It's brutal... even excruciating at times.

But it's the hard of hope.
It's the hard of rebuilding.
It's the hard of choosing LIFE.

(And yes—sometimes the harming partner does wake up. Sometimes the one who broke the covenant realizes the depth of their betrayal and chooses to embark on the long, grueling road of true repentance and transformation. But even then—*even then*—separation may still be necessary.

Separation gives space for the betrayer to prove, over time, through action and character change—not winsome words and pretty promises—that they are genuinely committed to lasting, repentant change.

If this is the path you choose, it’s crucial to know that rebuilding a marriage after betrayal is the kind of "hard" that requires brutal honesty, deep accountability, and immense patience. It is a "hard" that cannot be rushed, and trust cannot be demanded—it must be earned anew.)

Because the truth is—not all "hard" is created equal.

Some "hard" is destructive, and some "hard" is redemptive.
Some "hard" chains you to death, and some "hard" sets you on the path to life.

Choose the hard that shatters chains.
Choose the hard that tears down lies.
Choose the hard that refuses to make peace with evil.

Choose the hard that breaks generational curses.
Choose the hard that exposes darkness to the light.
Choose the hard that rebuilds a future where love is safe and vows are true.

Choose the hard that stands up for safety, stands tall in truthfulness, and stands fearless in God's freedom.

Choose the hard that teaches your children — and reminds yourself — that real love never demands silence about evil, sacrifice of what is sacred, or squelches your soul.

When you choose the *hard* that is rooted in a holy commitment to truth and justice...

You are not abandoning marriage.
You are honoring its original design.

You are not failing.
You are faithful to what is true.

You are not a martyr.
You are a lighthouse.
You are a freedom-bearer.

You are the living proof that Heaven's healing is holy and God's liberty of conscience is sacred.

— Sarah McDugal



💝 FREE SUPPORT GROUP:
WILD Betrayed: Because P**n Addiction+Emotional Affairs are Trauma Too

08/04/2025

“You can be kind yet firm. You can be empathetic while saying no. You can be affectionate while disciplining. You can be compassionate while setting and maintaining boundaries. Harshness and hardness are not requirements of parenting.” - YW

19/02/2025

If you’re in the Chicagoland area, tight income and need affordable housing, this could be an option for you.

05/02/2025

One thing I’m learning is that it’s essential to believe in one’s vision and persevere. With some endeavors, I may initially receive a no more often than a yes, but I see the end goal and I believe in the vision and the value I offer. Therefore, I will continue to learn, grow, and explore ways to advocate for my seat at the table and the opportunity to share with others. The right people will come.

I’ve heard it put like this:

“Some will
Some won’t
So what
Someone is waiting”

04/02/2025

“You cool people and I appreciate you looking out for me. I really be to myself. Most of my family gone, but you always checking up on me and make sure I’m good. You my homie for that for real.”

^^ a note from one of the clients in our program. I’m just doing what I would want done for myself or my loved one in the same situation. Good reminder to show up as you are and continue to do the things God has called you to do. I don’t think I’m doing anything particularly special, but the small things matter.

Remember someone’s name.

Give them space to share about their life and not just check off boxes for your check ins.

Offer empathy and compassion.

Lead with trauma informed care.

People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. 💕

05/01/2024