01/12/2026
Letâs be honest.
Do people actually change because they feel ashamed?
Or do they change when they feel safe?
Most of us already know the answer, because weâve lived it.
You go to the doctor.
Or the nutritionist.
Or a provider youâre hoping will help.
And instead of curiosity, you get:
đ¤¨âWhy havenât you done this yet?â
đ§ âAre you still eating that way?â
đA side-eye at your chart.
A pause that silently says, you should know better by now.
No one yells.
No one says anything outright cruel.
But your body contracts.
That feeling?
Thatâs shame.
And hereâs the part we need to say out loud:
đ Shame does not improve outcomes.
Decades of research in psychology, behavior change, and trauma-informed care show that shame:
increases avoidance
lowers self-efficacy
activates fight/flight/freeze
reduces follow-through over time
This is why approaches like Motivational Interviewing, Self-Determination Theory, and Positive Psychology consistently show better outcomes when care is rooted in:
psychological safety
autonomy
curiosity
dignity
Not fear.
Not compliance.
Not pressure.
In fact, when people feel judged, the nervous system goes into protection, and behavior change shuts down.
This isnât a mindset issue.
Itâs physiology.
And this is exactly where health coaching matters.
Health coaches are trained to start from whatâs working, not whatâs wrong.
From safety, not scrutiny.
From curiosity, not correction.
Thatâs evidence-based.
Shame isnât anyoneâs fault.
Itâs been passed down through systems, training, and culture for decades.
But once we see it, we can choose differently.
So whether youâre a client, a coach, or a provider, Iâll leave you with this question:
What evokes MORE change within someone? When you feel ashamed or when you feel safe? And how can you create this in one simple way in your daily practice?
đ Save this if youâve ever felt the difference. Share it if youâre ready to be the change that help changes the model.
