27/09/2025
I’ve been throwing raging parties since I ran away to be on my own as a teen. My apartment was the spot to escape among friends because there were no authority figures there. Just weirdo me. My neurodivergence often got me cast out but I think I learned to counter that by inviting community to me. To this day, socializing still takes work, but being together is where we thrive.
Meanwhile I had spent years begging for a spiritual leader. Growing up I had been relentlessly bullied by my Christian community, so I knew that wasn’t it. But I was painfully aware of this void in my life so I started changing the equation to see what adds up. I even found myself on the other side of the planet, neck deep in fire, visible before Gods that I did not yet know. I couldn’t meaningfully connect with that at the time, but it certainly wasn’t for lack of trying.
A particularly powerful moment was when my mother-in-law brought me to the family shaman in Mysore, Karnataka to see if I was worthy. I was freaking out! I knew he would see in me something that I did not yet Know of myself, and I was programmed to think that whatever I must be inside wasn’t good. That man gazed upon me for a long spell without saying one word. Gulp! But now I understand, how can you speak on all that has transpired in the decade since? Life is complicated! But I’ve learned it’s whole heartedly good, even in its painful complexity.
When that spiritual leader never came, I had to decide to take charge myself. I had moved to Cincinnati with a newborn during the pandemic and could feel myself slipping away in solitude. During this time my whole life would be made brand new, which so happens to coincide with when I took my children’s hands and stepped into my spirituality, together. And wouldn’t you know it, my life went completely off the rails!! Now I know though, I was busy burning away all the impurities visible to me. Nothing is a coincidence.
So why was throwing ragers so important? I have an eclectic mix of skills that seem unrelated until you see how they miraculously culminate into the work that I do now. Healer, welder, artist, director. It’s another one of those really weird ways life comes together and Spirit kept nudging me to get back to the parties! I thought that couldn’t possibly be the message! ☺️ But I figured out what it meant as I started to put on events centered around self discovery and self care. I had to create what I wanted to see, and in doing so I found out I wasn’t the only one searching.
Last night we hosted our first wellness party in our new little space carved into this brand new life. And it was truly an honor to have you join us and hold us so gracefully, even through my flaws and errors. I have never left a gathering without punishing myself for the imperfections until last night. It’s a mark of the endless growth that this path can afford because I can now see in practice that I’ve learned to truly accept myself. That growth wouldn’t be visible to me without you. So while you learn and grow with me, I too learn and grow with you. ✨
Who woulda thought those wild nights wouldn’t kill me, let alone line me up along a spiritual path. Honestly, it was through rehab where I started yearning to connect with the meaning of a Higher Power. I’m not proud of everything those days hold, but I see why they were necessary. It’s complicated! But it’s whole heartedly good, even in its painful complexity. My mission is to show you that.
We are spiritual beings on this journey together. Thank you for allowing us to walk next to you last night ✨
