05/21/2025
Good Morning! ☀️ This is Niki! 😃 Finally!
I have an update! This is a VERY long post!
My gosh, my journey is going to be a story to tell once I am strong enough to tell it all. 🌻
First, I want to thank everyone, my family, my friends, my community, my church (St. Mary’s), my drs and nursing staff, caring strangers I have yet to meet but have reached out through mail or message, those praying, those commenting and messaging, those who helped, attended, and supported my benefit, all of the meals brought over to the house, the help with our horses, the kindness, selflessness, efforts, compassion, and love you have shown my girls, my mom and I through this hardship is awe inspiring and has made the most profound impact on our lives. My appreciation and gratitude in my heart is overflowing and all encompassing for all you have done to continue to help me fight this. Thank you for your love. Thank you for your selflessness. Thank you for your prayers which I know without a shadow of a doubt God is hearing! You are the good in the world! You are beauty in this world! You are inspiring! You give me hope! Thank you from all of my heart! Please know, your letters and comments are reaching me, even if you have not heard back yet, they are or will reach me. They have meant so very much to me. They keep me going and connected to you! Thank you for every single one!
Boy, has this journey been a hard and wild ride so far… 🐎 This is my update as to what has happened most recently: My apologies it is such a long read!
The past two and a half weeks I had been very, very sick. The sickest of my entire life unrelated to my treatment. The last month or so, I’ve been in and out of the hospital, in and out of the ER, even rushed into the hospital by 911, but through all of these really hard things, something good and beautiful came by the grace of God! There are countless more things going right than wrong with in my fight against this very nasty cancer, where the remaining cancer is in an inoperable nerve at the cusp of my brain. This nerve and the area of my tumor removed through surgery, is where the radiation is treating. Your prayers and my faith is pulling me through every single moment of this! 🙏🏻🌻
Something happened to me unrelated to my first chemo and radiation treatment that took me from walking in strong and ready to fight this cancer, right into a wheelchair in 48 hours. I became very sick like I have never been sick before. Dry heaves all night long, hot flashes, cold sweats, complete insomnia and the symptoms were to the most extreme degree every second of every single day. I was teetering on hospital admission daily, while my radiation appointments turned into full days on the cancer floor for fluids and meds. My cancer team at Hillcrest Cleveland Clinic struggled to figure out what happened to me. My Drs and nurses (those guardian angels on earth at work) worked diligently to try anything they could to fix what I was going through and to also keep me from being admitted. They pulled out all the stops, they tried all the medications, got me the best meds on the market…one med was $160 a pill and it was a heck of a fight to even receive since it’s almost impossible to get. They got it for me! “This should drastically help!” Nope. My suffering continued on. Nothing could touch or fix what I was experiencing. Apparently not even the best medicine for it on the market. They got me into all the right appts. palliative med, a gastroenterologist, psychology, psychiatry…maybe I manifested these terrible physical symptoms because I was so devastated by my diagnosis. It just kept on and at night was the hardest. There was hardly any reprieve or sleep. Pure exhaustion. But…through it all, I reached for my one true healer! I reached for Jesus! I spoke to Jesus what seemed like every single second or moment I laid in my bed I was too weak to come out of. I asked Jesus to keep me close. I asked Jesus for peace. I asked Jesus for healing. I kept my focus on him and even thanked him through my suffering for all my blessings in this life! When I had one second where I was able to rest, I thanked him for it over and over again…thanking my Lord and Savior for simply one second in my lifetime. I became weary though…I saw no end in sight to the suffering I was experiencing, I began to believe I may truly be dying or this sickness would be permanent, and I prayed to find peace with that. Through it all, I stayed determined to try and get better. I missed zero radiation and Dr appts! My able warriors, Jenn, Shauna, Alicia and my dear mom kept taking me…they were determined still too! Finally, almost 2 weeks in to my sickness, right before the weekend, and to the point of physical despair, I decided I would admit myself into the hospital for however long that meant and even if I didn’t come back out. I hoped the hospital could make me better again. That day I went in to admit myself after my radiation appointment, something miraculous happened! My nurse and chemo Dr figured out what was wrong with me and not easily…it was like finding a needle in haystack! Jesus heard my prayers and heard your prayers and said help is on the way, girl! My nurse said, “nope, you are not admitting yourself today! I think we know what’s wrong!” So I got to go home instead and I took what my nurse said. It was the first time I had slept more than 2 hours and completely peacefully in 2 weeks. I slept 4 hours straight and woke up rested, not sick to my stomach. It was the first time I did not dry heave for hours on end all night. And slowly, each day I am still continuing to improve since! I still have a long road of hard treatments ahead of me but I’ll do it! It’s absolutely remarkable the things you can get through it you are determined to and hang onto your faith!
My message to you today is no matter your struggle, please…don’t lose hope! Don’t lose your faith! Fight through the storm! Be strong! The rain will end and the sun will shine again! That is a promise. Each day does pass by and with it a new day is born. Keep going! Keep fighting! You too can get through any battle! ☀️
I love you all! Thank you again…for everything and please keep praying! 🙏🏻🌻🩷 I’ll try to post again soon and get back to those that have reached out too! All my love to you!
Love, Niki
