I remember my Mom telling me that she was originally not a planned baby because my grandmother had 4 children. The youngest baby however, struggled with life and went to heaven in early infancy. My grandma was understandably devastated at having had to give her cherished baby boy back to God. One day God spoke to her a told her that he knew she suffered so deeply but this was just the right time for her baby to return to heaven. God did promise my grandma that she would have another baby, her rainbow, my Mom. My mothers years of having babies were busy and stressful. She gave birth to my brother, then my sister, then had a miscarriage, right before getting pregnant with me. She had a rough delivery and I came 6 weeks early. I was long and skinny, and very healthy. It wasn’t long before I was thriving and happy. I was 23 when I delivered my oldest child in 1994. After born, she was not keeping a regular temperature and needed the heating pad and light over her as she waited to see if she needed antibiotics. I was very sick and they wanted to make sure she was OK. After her IV backed up the last time, the pediatrician said to leave it out. Timing was good for discharge. I brought home Rachel Lynn, our adorable little girl whom everybody loved. I became pregnant again when Rachel was just over a year old. It was a surprise and from the beginning, this pregnancy felt different. I was thrilled to be having another baby but I was worried that something was wrong. As it turned out, my intuition was right. I had been scheduled for a 8 week checkup but at 7 weeks I started cramping and bleeding. I knew it was a miscarriage instantly. With an ultrasound, they were able to see where the baby had implanted but had already left me my body. I already knew the baby was gone. I had seen my baby earlier that day in the drainage from the miscarriage. It was over. My baby was gone. I wasted no time and was pregnant again in no time. Once I got past the 12 week mark, I was going to tell all family. At 11 weeks, my husband and I brought our daughter to visit family for a surprise baby shower for my sister-in-law. When we got there, we found out that the much anticipated member of the family had lost his heartbeat. After being induced, my nephew was born beautiful, perfect, but already sleeping. My sister in law was being forced to be a grieving Mother. My pregnancy with my son was healthy, happy, and textbook. He was induced at 38 week due to his size. He was perfect, breathing well, great color, and crying. We were elated but decided we didn’t want to risk another pregnancy. We may have said we didn’t want to go through another pregnancy, but it happened again and we had a little girl born healthy and strong. This is the worst part of all. The baby loss is continuing in another generation. My daughter went in for a routine checkup and they realized my grandson’s heart was no longer beating. She was induced and gave birth to him on August 1, 2013. We held him, memorized his face, smelled him, rocked him, cradled him in our arms, and gave him as much love as we could. We then had to let him go. My Grandson was named Thor Malinko Schweertmann and passed on August 1, 2013 at 34 weeks. Lil’ T has inspired so much love in such a short time. So many women suffer through these losses all alone. We need to wrap each other in love!
