Preparing For Birth

Waiting on a sweet little turkey.

Pretty kitty at a recent home visit approves of home birth plan.

This is why I do what I do. I will see you at least 5 times after you have your baby, for an hour at a time! Because you deserve postpartum CARE. Not postpartum checkups.

I walked into my six week check with my ni***es in shreds, anxiety levels sky-high, sleep deprivation plastered all over my cry-puffy face, and sweat pouring from every part of my still-new-to-me body.

But I still had some hope.

I had genuine hope that this health professional would surely have seen it all before. That I’d be given answers and referrals and words of understanding.

Oh, the nativity.

I didn’t get my answers, only a run-through of the benefits of the pill.

I didn’t walk out with a single referral, only a pamphlet on the wonders of an IUD.

The words of understanding that I desperately needed were replaced with words of pregnancy prevention instead.

As an LC supporting moms day in and day out, I am reminded all-too-often that my experience isn’t unique…

“My doctor didn’t even check my stitches.”

“I said I felt depressed and my doctor told me that was normal. Turns out I had PPD.”

“I was told to stop breastfeeding because it was painful, even though I wanted to continue. Found out since that baby has a tongue tie.”

Too many of us are walking out of our six week check feeling just as unsupported as we did on the way in.

After attending no less than fifteen thousand appointments during pregnancy, you’d think that postpartum care might consist of more than just a brief chat about birth control, right?

We deserve more, mamas.

And if you’re reading this - at any point in your postpartum journey - feeling exhausted or burnt-out, support is key 👉 https://mothernourishnurture.com

With love,
Louise 💓
Mother Nourish Nurture

Photos from Midwifery Wisdom Collective's post

Postpartum is all about mothering the mother.

Precisely.

I don't know who needs to hear this, but just because there is a new little person in the world people aren't entitled to a visit.
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With that new little person is a new mother who may or may not have had some serious s**t go down and folks need to honor that. ⠀
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We don’t bust in like the Koolaid man if someone just had major surgery or car accident so we need to check ourselves before high kicking into the room of a woman who just had a person exit her body.⠀
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She may feel great and welcome one and all, but if she doesn't, we need to respect it regardless of whether or not we like it.

**tweshouldknowseries

✨Birth as a Portal ✨
“Regarding umedicated, physiological birth, well, there is good news, and bad news.

The bad news: you cannot be “saved”. You can have a midwife, you can have a doula, but it is you alone who must journey to another dimension, to claim your baby. This is spiritual work. We cannot come with you. ⚡️

The good news? You. don’t. need. saving. ⚡️ You see, over time we’ve capitulated to the idea that we shouldn’t need to feel the full extent of the birthing process. Or, that if things get too hard, we’re doing something wrong. We will agree, up front, to a certain amount of sensation, but beyond that it’s too much. What if you knew up front that you were going to be thoroughly decimated? ⚡️ What if you understood: birth will bring you to your edge, and beyond that edge there is another edge, and then another, and another?

What if, you understood that up front, and gave the universe a handshake and a nod that you’re up for it. ⚡️ This is NOT about martyrdom. This IS about reframing most of what you’ve been led to believe about childbirth.

And what if it is not without divine purpose. ⚡️ It IS big, yes. It is ok to be overwhelmed, and even scared because HOLY S**T, NOTHING has prepared you for this (not even your previous births). It’s ok to not know what to do. And it is ok to do it anyway.
The sensations, and our thoughts that come up because of them, in no way mean anything is wrong.
Surrender.

Over and over, soften your muscles, rest between surges, and do it again.

⚡️ Holy s**t, y’all. We came to this earth, in these bodies, because WE ARE CAPABLE. We were given THE highest honor among humans.

And it is BECAUSE of this POWER and CAPACITY we have been convinced of the spin stories. ⚡️ You can curse, and sweat, and cry, and doubt yourself, even wish for a fu***ng epidural, and you can do. it. anyway.

You will emerge from the storm, a tiny boat on the vast ocean just after an epic storm, intact, forever changed, and weathered by the salt of your sweat and tears.

This. THIS is your .”
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Original caption from
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Midwife
Doula

Find more practical words of wisdom within the pages of Henci's new book: Labor Pain: What's Your Best Strategy?

https://hencigoer.com/buy-the-book/

Meet Tiffany Miller CPM, RM | Home Birth Midwife

So this happened.

Meet Tiffany Miller CPM, RM | Home Birth Midwife We had the good fortune of connecting with Tiffany Miller CPM, RM and we've shared our conversation below. Hi Tiffany, how has your work-life balance changed over time? Over time, I have discovered that there is really no such thing as work-life balance as a home birth midwife. Not on a day-to-d

"People will contemplate their child's first birthday party or first haircut more than they'll research circumcising their son"
- Nicole Curtis Michigan native and home renovator

Are you fully informed on circumcision? Make sure you are fully educated on the subject, including the functions of the fo****in and the benefits of leaving your son intact. Start your research here!
Intactnetwork.org/research

Trust yourself. You know what you need.

We can’t figure out why always looks so damn good at births 🥴😍 but we do love her stories of redemption and transformation!
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“Can you still see her shoes on?! 😂
2nd babies are notorious for coming QUICK! Her labor appeared to be going that way… and then we waited… and waited. I knew this baby’s head was asynclitic… so we moved into all different positions to help her rotate through. We had conversations with baby that all was safe out here but a TIGHT, THICK, persistent cervical lip kept rebounding her back up not letting her nudge her head past mama’s p***c bone. I whispered to mama encouraging her to listen to her body and to move into positions that would serve her birth. She finally looked up at me with determined serious eyes after hours of off and one again pushing and said, “I need to go to the hospital”.
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To me… home birth is never about the birth, it is about a women feeling empowered, listened to and getting the care which emulates nothing but trust and love. I inherently trust that a woman knows her body and her baby above and beyond anything else. So when she looks at me saying “I need to go to the hospital”, I know this is different then “I can’t do this” please guide me back to my strength.
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I called ahead to the local hospital, faxed records, dad got their hospital bag ready. We got her up and out of the tub, put a diaper on her, her shoes and started walking towards the stairs. With the first step down the stairs, with her arms draped around my shoulders, she screamed “something is burning… my va**na is burning” I quickly knew what this meant. We took a few steps backwards inside the house and I pulled down her diaper to see a crowning head.
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With one more push and waves of meconium thick fluid behind her, a screaming very healthy baby landed in my arms. We quickly took off her shoes and ripped the diaper off of her ankles and slowly step by step walked back to their bedroom where the excitement of such an eventful birth melted into a puddle of tears of bliss and divine trust of her body working so beautifully!”
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Waiting for baby.

.midwifery with .repost
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Love when this one makes the rounds! It’s funny because it’s true! 😂
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In case I haven't mentioned it lately, I love this job. So much.

If you've ever seen ancient Mayan birthing statues you'll see how much the birthing mamas face looks like she's in lion pose in yoga! Like the mama in this image, too!

Courage comes from the word heart.

Birthing with courage does not mean you don't have any fears - fears are actually totally natural - we're facing a big unknown and a major athletic event!

Instead, it means you face your fears and do it anyway. But to do so we need to find our way from the fears to our heart - and our lioness heart, at that! In fact, in today's birthing culture, it may take owning some fierce, too.

So how do you build courage? And fierceness?

⚡ First, it's really important to acknowledge and honor your fears. It's natural to have fears of the unknown - and birth and parenting are big unknowns. Be honest with yourself and write down your fears - your worst fears - and then dig a little deeper into unpacking where you think they come from - a story you heard once about a birth gone wrong? family legacy about birth? a TV show that left you with unpleasant images? Never be afraid to say "I am scared" including in active labor - sometimes just saying it releases it.

⚡ Next, have open and honest conversations with your birth providers - us midwives and doulas are really good at helping mamas work through fear, dispelling myths and misunderstandings, and helping you have a concrete plan to address your fears and 'what ifs.'

⚡ Ask questions, for example, if you're afraid about something specific, learn more about it - usually this will help you see that the fear itself is probably not going to materialize in life, but it will also help you be informed about anything you might be facing and will help you know how to tackle any challenges that might arise.

⚡ Learning about self-advocacy: Knowing your rights and practicing speaking up will help you be in your courageous, fierce place - which is a powerful place to come from should anything arise that requires you to face challenges and still allows you to create the birth energy you want.

⚡ Finding your posse is also so important. The women you can lean into who will remind you of your strength, power, grit, and courage - and who will also have your back if you need to rally your courage.

⚡ Learn to stay centered in your heart and grounded in your body. Fear happens when thoughts run wild, setting off a cascade of stress hormones that trigger anxiety and worsen the loop of worry thoughts. Meditation, deep breathing, visualization, getting out in nature, and other practices that consciously & intentionally release fear and worry can be powerful allies in pregnancy, labor and birth, and into motherhood.

Bottom line: you've got this mama, even if you don't know it. Now you can learn to welcome in and practice the tools that help you have it on purpose! And if courage wavers and fears creep in - that's normal and natural - just rinse and repeat the steps in this post - which I hope you will save for future reference and share with other mamas you know and love.

xx, Aviva

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Let's normalize breastfeeding in public.

♥️ “What if we told women the truth about birth
We’d have to tell them that contractions will probably be more than “surges” or “sensations.”

That they’ll probably rock your f✨cking world and leave you begging for salvation as you clutch the edge of the tub or the hospital linens

That your gentle breathing exercises and your Spotify soundtrack will be left in the dust as you sweat and pant and sway and swear your way through it

That you’ll trip harder than any mushroom you ever did in college and vomit with the same ferocity and travel to places deep within yourself that you didn’t know existed. That you’ll float above your body and simultaneously be trapped in it with an intensity you’ve never tasted

And in that intensity, in the sweating and the swearing and the swaying and the vomiting and the endless hours of contractions crashing down upon you
You’ll find your strength
You’ll find a resilience you’ve never known
You’ll find the power you need for the journey of motherhood ahead

In the messy humanity of it all
You’ll find that you are holy
A portal to the divine
Capable of indescribable miracles
A vessel of sacred life

What if we told women the truth about birth?
We’d have to tell them they are capable of anything
Worthy of being treated like goddesses
Made to walk through the flames
Surf the tidal waves
Dive into the underworld
And come out alive

Not unscathed
Not unchanged
But whole
And healed
And ready to take on the world

If we told women the truth about birth
We’d have to admit that we’ve lied about everything else
And that they are more powerful
More fierce
More capable
More beautiful
Than we’ve ever let on.

If we told the truth about birth?
We’d shatter the world.”

Spirit Y Sol

My hands don't always have to be the first to touch your baby. You, your partner, your other children, or your own mother's hands are welcome. I promise -- I will be right there to help make your birth as family centered as possible, even if my hands are the ones needed in that moment in order to maintain safety. No one who loves you should feel like they are in the way, or unnecessary, or irrelevant.

✨Siblings at Birth✨
Some say midwives change the world one birth at a time. This couldn’t feel more true in this photo. From the birther and babe to the sister catching, the world will never be the same.
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Do you involve family centered care during prenatals, birth, and postpartum? How often do your families desire this?
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Fantastic 📸 by

I am not sure who originally made this, but there you go.
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OB's are surgical specialists. Important, life-saving specialists! We need them.
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Hiring one when you are low-risk, healthy, and desire a physiologic birth is like hiring a pediatrician to babysit a healthy toddler, "just in case". There's nothing wrong with that, but it's a little overkill.
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Midwives are much more like lifeguards. We have the skills necessary to step in and save you, but mostly we just let you do your thing and only jump in when it's needed. And of course, we are ready to pass the baton to an OB as soon as it becomes evident they're needed -- before it becomes an emergency.
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Lactation support isn't a luxury. It's a need. So many women have a strong desire and motivation to breastfeed. Then, when they struggle, and there is no one who can listen, assess, and help make a plan to overcome those struggles, these women feel like failures. Only, they didn't fail. The system failed them.

This support is so critical, in my opinion, I started including a visit with an IBCLC in my fee. I recognize that, while I have had good training and a solid foundation, I am not always the best resource for navigating many breastfeeding challenges. And she is.

Lactation support is a necessity!

Serendipitous consultation this morning with a sweet family who mixed up some addresses. I love this job.

I have never had a csection, and I have learned to listen and follow the lead of my VBAC clients in how they frame their experience. For some, the term "belly birth" is comforting. For others, insulting. There is no right way to frame your own experience. The right way to frame another's experience is to simply pay attention.

👏 👏👏👏👏 Yes, yes, yes. Why are people so incapable of sitting in the discomfort? Why do they feel the need to put a silver lining on *your* ? Why do they feel the need to push you through your grief?

Don’t they realize that these actions just make you feel unheard and unseen? And incredibly isolated and alone?

We can stand in the truth of our emotions. We don’t have to make things pretty for the comfort of others. We can move through our grief and disappointment at our own pace. And other people need to learn what true empathy looks like. That’s listening and comforting, not judging.

Read our article “Please don’t call my cesarean a “cesarean birth:” https://vbacfacts.com/2019/04/24/cesarean-birth/



ETA: Comments below really drive this home and we want all birth professionals to read this: Calling cesareans a “belly birth” or a “cesarean birth” completely and totally miss the point. Those terms make some feel completely unheard. Ungrateful. And like they should just be quiet all ready about their pain. And so they do. Please be aware of the language others use and don’t insist to them that they “still gave birth” when they are clearly still grieving.

ETA: For those who experienced a traumatic birth: https://vbacfacts.com/2022/03/30/my-birth-story-was-traumatic-what-do-i-tell-my-kids/

Posted • After my first C-section, I was searching for anything that would help me make sense of my experience.

I saw a lot of positive images of women with their scars. I saw a plethora of positive, inspirational quotes claiming 'C-Section births are births', or 'You just had a belly birth'.

None of this made me feel any better. I didn't relate to any of it.

During my studies, I came across and saw a post from them that resonated with me.

The writer candidly explained that when people referred to c-sections as 'belly births', she found it infantilising and dismissive of her experience. She also said that she did not align with the sentiment that she 'still gave birth.' in fact, she said, she felt totally robbed of experiencing birth.

This was the first thing I read that articulated what I was feeling. It validated my anger, my disappointment, my overwhelming grief. I felt so much better when I read an honest, unapologetic, frustrated, straight-talking woman, able to voice that she was always going to be, a little bit pi**ed off.

People felt uncomfortable by what they heard from me when I shared my stories, so they tried to reframe my narrative, justify what happened to me and soften the sharp edges. Good intentions, for sure, but I felt gaslit at worst, and misunderstood at best.

I'm always going to be, just a little bit pi**ed off, y'know. We don't need to fix it.

Can you sit with those that may feel the same?

Should Dads Should Wrestle Their Daughters?

Some of my best childhood memories stem from wrestling matches with my dad. My kids, including my daughters, always clamored for Daddy to, "Play beat-up!" Don't be afraid to lovingly beat the snot out of your kids as often as they want it!

Should Dads Should Wrestle Their Daughters? There are a lot of reasons, and they're the same reasons dad should roughhouse with their sons.

😂

Are you sick and tired of women lustfully whipping out their b***s in public to breastfeed their babies while drawing attention to themselves?

Well my latest product could make your embarrassment a thing of the past. My Breastfeeding Anti-Embarrassment Glasses take just seconds to apply to your face, and you can keep them on until that sex-crazed h***y has put those ‘look at me, look at me’ shirt potatoes away.

Perfect for Daily Mail readers.

Man Behaving Dadly

It's that time again! All of us at .midwives, , and are gathering for our annual reunion picnic!
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Bring your family to stop by and say hi! I would love to give all of you a squeeze, and marvel at your sweet baby's growth.
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See you soon!

This horrible advice is why my oldest was diagnosed with failure to thrive at 6 months old.

Y’all. I’m hot.

I’m bothered.

My blood pressure is boiling.

Anyone can write a book. Anyone can spew “parenting advice”. Did you know this? Look at Ezzo and Pearl. I mean, really. Ok. Don’t look there, actually. Just trust me. They shouldn’t have any advice to give about parenting or infant feeding. And yet. There they sit. Best selling authors.

There is another crew of folks advocating parenting “techniques” and making bank off people who trust their credentials and techniques/advice.

It’s bad, y’all. It’s just bad.

I looked at some of their “feeding schedule plans” and I’m fairly well ready to faint. 🤦🏻‍♀️

CAN YOU REALLY SAY FEEDING AN 8 WEEK OLD 5 TIMES PER 24 HOURS IS SOLID INFO?

Imma just say NO!

It’s not.

An 8 week old should still have unlimited access to tell a parent they need food, drink, comfort, sleep, etc from their feeding cues.

I’ll say it again. It’s. Not. Just. About. The. Milk. Transfer.

Babies breastfeed. They are biologically HARDWIRED to seek comfort and nutrition from the breast.

5 times per day? Hell. I eat more often than that!!!!!

These “schedulers” suggest 12 HOURS OVERNIGHT with no feedings.

For an 8 week old human baby. 😰😰😰

12. Hours. With. No. Milk. Removal. Or. Breast. Feedings.

You think a new/fluctuating supply can withstand this? You think a brand new baby (who may or may not still be having feeding issues) can go 12 hours with no food/comfort?

No. Not likely. Rarely? Maybe? Some magical unicorn kids may be able to transfer enough milk from 7am-7pm but not likely in 5 feedings.

Let’s do the math.

If a baby is getting 5 feeds in 24 hours:

If a baby can transfer 2-3 oz per feeding.... that’s only 10-15 oz per day. IF they could transfer 4-5 oz per feeding (not all that common) that’s still only 20-25oz per day.

Babies at 8 weeks need an average of about 30 oz per day.

Under feeding your baby can cause all sorts of health and development issues.

The math alone suggests 5 feedings per day isn’t enough. 🚨

Babies learn at the breast. They learn trust, comfort, love, fullness, security, safety, satiation, the beauty of sleep...

How one could limit a tiny nugget baby to every 4 hours is beyond me. They NEED to suck. They NEED to eat very frequently. The breast NEEDS stimulation to MAKE MILK.

Can y’all please put down these books and programs?

Please?!

Trust your gut.

Trust your baby.

Trust biology.

I’ll add. You can still be a pumping/working parent/family/mom and do this. Babies who are receiving bottles can be fed in breast-like manners when separated from their breastfeeding parent and can be fully breastfed when together. It happens all the time. Babies are adaptable. But they NEED food. Lots of it.

I was still feeding my 8 week olds on demand. For sure. Sometimes 12+ times a day/night. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Please feed your babies. As often as they “ask”. For an 8 week old that’s likely to be 8-12+ times per day.

Not. Five.

Reach out if you need help. If you feel like you’re stuck to a schedule that isn’t working. If you feel like you’re “doing it wrong” because your baby won’t bend to a feeding plan. If you’re worried about milk supply or baby’s gain (they should be gaining an ounce a day for a long while!).

We are here for you and your families. No judgment. Just help and love and support. Board certified lactation consultants know a thing or 1000 about breastfeeding, breastmilk, and biological norms. We can help.

❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

My heart is so touched. 🥰 I was dumbfounded to receive such a deeply personal gift from a client and her family. The connections I am blessed to make in such an intimate time of life are a privilege I cannot earn. As another amazing midwife likes to say, "That's just the oxytocin talking." But I can't minimize the bond it can create. I am humbled and pretty sure this was really meant for some other midwife. 💖
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1) One of the BEST handmade cards I have ever seen! .midwife
and I are shown on the left, helping his momma. He and his sister are in the middle, and mom, dad, and baby are on the right. Baby is also in a heart to show "how special you are for helping my baby." 😭❤
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2 & 3) Take a look at the names for the beautiful yarns on the left! Filthy Hobbitses was custom dyed to match this picture of Bilbo (swipe left), just for me! 😍🧶😍🧶😍 Guys, I can't even. And I cannot WAIT to make something beautiful!
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🧶

These are the same newborns we’ve had since the beginning of time. They have the same instincts they’ve had since the beginning of time. They have the same wants and needs they’ve had since the beginning of time.

Holding your baby after birth isn’t a new method. Feeding your baby on demand isn’t a new method. Responding to your crying baby isn’t a new method. Co-sleeping with your baby (gasp) isn’t a new method. Why are we so commonly throwing out the mechanisms we were born to do?

Your baby isn’t broken, they were born to signal for you. Your baby isn’t broken, they were born for the need of human contact. Your baby isn’t broken, they were born to desire to be at the breast and feed often. So how can we be wrong for helping our babies do what they were born to do?

The answer is we aren’t.

You see, we don’t have a baby problem, we have a society problem. A society that expects biological, instinctual baby behavior to change just because the culture has. A society that not only frowns at a mother for answering her baby’s normal biological needs, often discourages it. A society that does very little to support mothers and babies but does a whole lot to make them feel like they’re broken.

Your baby isn’t broken, and neither are you. Your baby needs you, you want to respond, and that’s the way it’s always been.

I think this quote by J. Milburn sums it up “How broken is a society where a mother is told she has anxiety because she doesn’t want to be away from her child for too long? Wanting to be close to your child is as natural and instinctual as it gets. It’s not a medical condition; it’s called attachment and it’s incredibly healthy and fulfilling for both mother and child.”

Follow Milkitivity on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/milkitivity_/

Sometimes, a little trespassing is in order when your client lives on a lake, and you just need a minute after your postpartum home visit. I literally gave myself ONE minute on a shared lakefront stretch that was for residents only. What can I say? 🤷‍♀️
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with .repost
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It’s ok if you’re not crushing parenting right now. These are hard times, and what's most critical to our mental health - which is the foundation for our parenting - is how we talk to ourselves.

Join me in making self-compassion a goal for this weekend. After all, so many of us, when we feel overwhelmed, layer on self-blame ("How did I forget to order kids’ snow boots this year?") and self-criticism ("I'm the worst parent.") - the opposite of self-compassion! When we self-blame, we inflame our distress. And when we add self-compassion, we don't get rid of distress, but we soften it a bit or at least pause it's growth. And honestly, sometimes that's the best we can do.

Let's all do an exercise. How cool to imagine so many of us doing it at the same time. Try to really feel that: Place your hand on your heart and your feet on the ground. Yes, it's normal if you start crying just by assuming this position of slowing-down and self-compassion. Tell yourself, aloud or inside your body, "This feels hard because it is hard, not because I’m doing something wrong."

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