10/15/2024
Just a few months ago I was in a very dark hole! I felt like ai was drowning and only found solace in retreat. I slept it away…or I tried, only to found that when I awakened all that I had tried to escape was right there to great me. I made up all these things that people “must” think of me, I told myself that even though I was lonely it was best to isolate myself because no one cared what I was going through and no one wanted me around.
As I pushed my TRASH mom narrative, being thoughtful, rested, accountable, secure and happy, I was NONE of those things. I was asking moms to be authentic and couldn’t even face myself in the mirror. I was grieving so many things, including things I hadn’t lost but told myself I would because I just couldn’t get it together. I was looking up from my hole at the beautiful faces of my children and husband so afraid to reach out because I didn’t want to taint them.
BUT GOD! God sat with me in that hole. Constantly reminding me, “I am here. There is a whole life outside of this hole that I gave you. Not because you deserve it but because you are mine and I am here to prosper you!” He gave me names of people that I hadn’t talked to in years and told me to reach out. “You don’t have to say anything but God sent me and they will know what to do.” I am so thankful to those people for being obedient! I am thankful to my husband who exemplified unselfish love at every turn and stood as the true definition of a husband, my shelter from the storm.
I say all this to one thank God publicly for what he has done privately, for what he is stirring inside of me. Two to say everyone’s authenticity is different, it was mine to encourage others when I couldn’t do it for myself. This season of social media pushed me to share in real time BUT GOD had his hands on the situation & said, “there will come a time when you will be released to share.” Three this is my obedience. Idk who or if this post will help but ai was called to share! Thank you God.