Deeper Water: The Alchemy of the Unseen: My Journey Through the Great Shift

05/09/2026

THE LATEST UPDATE! GOING HOME SOON!! FREEDOM!!

First of all, I want to thank Andrea Henn for her recent visit and thoughtful gifts of word puzzle books and pen to help me pass the time in here! A key word and concept that continues to stay with me at this particular time is freedom! What does freedom mean to me and how is it expressed in all areas of my life? Lately, every time I’m reminded of personal freedom, I shout FREEDOM!! (Mostly in my head but sometimes out loud as well🤣).

I have had a number of such occasions to shout ‘FREEDOM!’ Like the time I no longer needed the gastrointestinal tube and could eat solid foods. And when they went from 6 or 7 IV lines down to 0 IV lines. Or having a catheter for 3 months to no catheter two days ago! And today, I was given permission to roam my floor and my room unassisted!! FREEDOM!!

04/17/2026

RIGHT NOW!!! Happy Friday everyone! Life is wonderful, amazing, exciting, scary,hard and just about any other adjective you want to use but it is only reflecting back to you what you are focusing on and giving your attention to. Last week and a half I struggled to even walk after going out to dinner with my cousin. Went to the doctor and found out that I had 4 tumors in my hip, pelvis and tailbone area. Explains why I was having more pain in my left leg and lower back. I could have freaked out about that news and worried about what’s going to happen next but I did not. I was prescribed more effective pain meds and muscle relaxant which helped. But the real help was in changing my mindset. The story I was telling myself on a daily basis as someone living with a stage 4 cancer diagnosis, that this is normal and will take a long time to heal and more or less it was a victim mentality at worst and a fighter mentality at best. Both views are limiting beliefs in my opinion. Both point to the idea of lack and what is an obstacle or missing in my life and not to what is beautiful and abundant and fulfilling in my life. I’m neither a victim nor a fighter/warrior(sounds so admirable). I am that I am. An extension of Source Energy, All There Is, the Universe, whatever you want to call that power that animates all life. That is where my identity lies. Not in my circumstances or this body. I am the Operant Power in my life and co-create my reality with my thoughts, feelings and beliefs. My inner life creates my outer experience. I’m coming to understand, practice this idea and thus experience the positive results of such a change in focus that only reinforces to me the truth and validity of this mindset. When I changed my mindset about the essence of who I am, my ability to walk, swelling in my leg and pain level changed almost overnight. I no longer needed the walker the next day and the cane was enough support. The day after that I no longer needed the cane to get around, only as a precautionary support when out in public for any length of time. Today I need NO support walking! I sincerely believe that as I dismantle the limiting beliefs that I’ve picked up in this life, my outer world has no choice than to change and mirror back to me what I’m focused on and feeling in my inner world! I give my attention to what I prefer to experience. I imagine it and feel what it would feel like if I had it right now and not in the future. RIGHT NOW!!! That is a key tool you can use to manifest the life you want!

03/05/2026

Here I am at my first physical therapy appointment since leaving the hospital three days ago. Hard to believe that just three days ago I was slow moving and fairly weak in strength. Today, I feel so much stronger, vibrant with a pep in my step, ready to live and enjoy life! Being at home with my husband, Erik, has made all the difference! His love, support and constant advocating for me in the hospital was relentless and he truly was and is “the wind beneath my wings!” I want to thank everyone that prayed for me, sent positive energy and thoughts my way. You have uplifted my spirit and filled me with so much love and appreciation! These next two weeks are packed with dr follow up visits and resuming chemo.

02/12/2026

Reflections before my first chemo treatment…checking in at St. Elizabeth now! ☀️

Discovering the Infinite in the Limited

Tomorrow, my physical form begins a new cycle—one dictated by Stage 4 colon cancer and the start of chemotherapy. To many, this looks like the ultimate wall. A dead end. A limitation that strips away the "self."

But I have come to see that we are not the roles we play, the energy we expend, or the health of our cells. We are the consciousness that observes the dance.

The Myth of "More"

We live in a world that worships the infinite: more growth, more doing, more time. We are taught that authenticity is an outward pursuit—a mountain to climb. But through the lens of our shared existence, I’ve realized that the most authentic version of "The One" is found not in the expansion, but in the container.

Just as a flute only creates music because of its empty space and the specific placement of its holes, our lives only become a melody when we honor our limitations. My current limitation is this diagnosis. It is the "wall" I am currently standing against.

The Acceptance of the "Now"

In my design, I carry the frequency of Acceptance. I’ve learned that transformation doesn't happen by fighting the floor you stand on. It happens when you finally stop pushing against the limitation and start being within it.

Authenticity isn't about being "healthy" or "successful" by the world's standards. Authenticity is the courage to wait for clarity in the middle of a storm. It is the wisdom to know that while my body is undergoing a rigorous process, the "I" that observes it remains untouched, whole, and deeply connected to you.

An Invitation to Your True Self

I invite you tonight—not to look at my limitation, but to look at your own. What are you fighting? What "law" of your life are you trying to break through force?

What if that limitation isn't your prison, but your sanctuary? What if your "authentic self" is simply the one who can sit in the silence of the "not knowing" and still feel the pulse of life?

We are all points of the same light, experiencing ourselves through different filters. Tomorrow, my filter becomes more focused. I am not my cancer. I am not my body. I am the awareness that accepts this cycle, waiting for the mutation of spirit that only comes when we finally say "Yes" to exactly where we are.

Be still. Wait for the invitation. Honor your boundaries. That is where the music begins!

02/12/2026

Discovering the Infinite in the Limited

Tomorrow, my physical form begins a new cycle—one dictated by Stage 4 colon cancer and the start of chemotherapy. To many, this looks like the ultimate wall. A dead end. A limitation that strips away the "self."

But I have come to see that we are not the roles we play, the energy we expend, or the health of our cells. We are the consciousness that observes the dance.

The Myth of "More"

We live in a world that worships the infinite: more growth, more doing, more time. We are taught that authenticity is an outward pursuit—a mountain to climb. But through the lens of our shared existence, I’ve realized that the most authentic version of "The One" is found not in the expansion, but in the container.

Just as a flute only creates music because of its empty space and the specific placement of its holes, our lives only become a melody when we honor our limitations. My current limitation is this diagnosis. It is the "wall" I am currently standing against.

The Acceptance of the "Now"

In my design, I carry the frequency of Acceptance. I’ve learned that transformation doesn't happen by fighting the floor you stand on. It happens when you finally stop pushing against the limitation and start being within it.

Authenticity isn't about being "healthy" or "successful" by the world's standards. Authenticity is the courage to wait for clarity in the middle of a storm. It is the wisdom to know that while my body is undergoing a rigorous process, the "I" that observes it remains untouched, whole, and deeply connected to you.

An Invitation to Your True Self

I invite you tonight—not to look at my limitation, but to look at your own. What are you fighting? What "law" of your life are you trying to break through force?

What if that limitation isn't your prison, but your sanctuary? What if your "authentic self" is simply the one who can sit in the silence of the "not knowing" and still feel the pulse of life?

We are all points of the same light, experiencing ourselves through different filters. Tomorrow, my filter becomes more focused. I am not my cancer. I am not my body. I am the awareness that accepts this cycle, waiting for the mutation of spirit that only comes when we finally say "Yes" to exactly where we are.

Be still. Wait for the invitation. Honor your boundaries. That is where the music begins!

02/02/2026

Welcome to my new blog! I couldn’t decide if I wanted to do a blog on substack, Wordpress , my Deeper Water website or the Deeper Water page. It just became too much to figure out and my energy was leaving me fairly quickly and ain’t nobody got time for that!! So I decided to create this page dedicated to my journey with colon cancer.

This page will not be a bunch of medical procedures and Dr. visits post but will be my honest sharing of my life, my thought processes, my beliefs/philosophies of life and my love for life and love for those with whom I share it.

This is not a battle with cancer but an experience, an acceptance of physical limitations even as it is transcended through spiritual awareness and practices. I hope you follow along as I share my stories with you, as it allows me to be in a flow where I need not hide or try to look good but I can be my authentic self, at peace in any moment no matter the outward circumstances. And also remind you that you are not alone, we are all in this life together!