01/02/2026
Four years ago today (New Year’s Eve - 2021) shortly after 11:00 a.m., I made one of the hardest and most important decisions of my life: I chose to get the right kind of help for my mental health. At the time, I was a police detective working a patrol shift on New Year’s eve, and my mental health was deteriorating in ways I didn’t yet fully understand or want to admit.
Following an on-duty critical incident where I used deadly force on someone in 2016 (this person died), my mental health steadily declined. I carried the weight of that incident with me every day. Like many officers, I told myself to “deal with it,” to stay busy, to push forward. Instead of processing the trauma, I relied on poor coping strategies like emotionally shutting down, isolation, abusing alcohol, casual s*x, self-harm, using ma*****na, and suppressing everything I was feeling.
I thought avoiding the pain meant I was managing it. In reality, I was making it worse.
In law enforcement, we’re trained to be problem solvers, protectors, and responders, not patients. I convinced myself that struggling meant I was weak or broken, that asking for help would define me by my worst moment instead of my years of service. So I suffered in silence while the cumulative stress, guilt, hypervigilance, and unresolved trauma took a serious toll on my mental health.
Four years ago, something changed. I reached a point where continuing the way I was felt more dangerous than asking for help. Getting the right help meant finding professionals who understood trauma, critical incidents, and law enforcement culture.
It meant confronting the shooting, my reactions to it, and the unhealthy ways I had been coping. It meant learning that trauma doesn’t mean failure and that ignoring it doesn’t make it disappear.
Finally putting myself first wasn't easy. Healing is not linear. There were setbacks, painful realizations, and days where progress felt slow or nonexistent. But there was also growth. I learned healthier coping strategies, how to process trauma instead of burying it, and how to rebuild my life beyond the badge and the incident that once defined me.
In April 2022, I was terminated from my role as a Detective while I was in the process of getting help for my mental health. With the right treatment and support, I was able to heal, rebuild, and ultimately return to law enforcement as a police officer.
Today, I’m proud of that decision. Choosing my mental health quite literally saved my life. If sharing this helps another officer who’s struggling after a critical incident or anyone living with unresolved trauma know that they are not weak and they are not alone, then it’s worth saying out loud.
It's o.k. to talk about your mental health. You are not alone. Don't suffer in silence.
Photo of Stop The Threat - Stop The Stigma Founder Captain Adam Meyers, CPS in 2021 when he was a Wisconsin Police Detective
www.stopthethreatstopthestigma.org
