08/06/2025
✍️ The Story That Never Has an End ✍️
I comprehend that there are many questions involving su***de.
Was it an easy way out?
Why didn’t they ask for help?
I THINK what they were suffering with wasn’t that serious.
God will condemn them for taking their life.
They say It for attention; they will never do it.
If you say it; you wont do it.
Why did you ask for help if you always planned on doing it?
Depending “who” you are dictates your opinion or belief.
The closest answers to “why” that we will ever get are those who fail at their process…but make the attempt.
I never told anyone on both my attempts. My first time I had no resources. My second time I did.
What hurt me deep down was that I didn’t want to die. I knew I loved my life. I loved my friends. I loved my parents. I loved my career. I loved where I was in life. I loved me.
But from time to time a darkness would come over me. It stopped me from seeing the positive. I could only see the negative. I felt an internal pain that if you have never battled this pain, never battled mental health illnesses to this level…you will never comprehend what this pain feels like. How badly it interrupts your life. How horrible it makes you feel about yourself. How loudly it tells you the people you deep down know love you; couldn’t care less if you were alive tomorrow or not. It forces you to analyze the smallest negative gesture and blow it out of proportion to make you feel like everyone has turned on you.
The darkness comes in tidal waves. Never letting up. One after another. To yourself you say…I just need to keep holding on and this will soon path. You think about your parents; to give you strength at your darkest hour. You remember the emotion of security you get from your mother’s hug. You fight to see the smile come across a close friends face. You battle for the opportunity to jokingly disagree with your best friend just one more time. You close your eyes and hear the powerful words of your father and grandfather and tell yourself…”I will fight to hear these words said to be again in person”.
But these ungodly sized waves they grow in heights, they grow in power, Poseidon is amazed by who could create such a wave bigger then he could ever create. Odysseus is lost; he knows these waves are built stronger then what the gods create. He has no hope that an immortal can survive them.
And then there are the few of us…we want to kiss our mother again, hug our friends, work another shift with our “work-wife”, go on to have memory after memory.
But the darkness comes for us. And it, it’s very self
Says “I know you don’t want to die…I see how much you love the world you live in. I see how much people love you. But my son, the pain I bring you by the minute, by the hour, by the day, by the week, by the month isn’t leaving you…not anytime soon.
So I sit here…loving my life…loving the people in it…loving who I am. But a darkness tells me. I am not leaving without you. I am glad you are not in internal pain. I, the darkness, realize I have caused you pain. I see that you don’t want to die. But if you want to have one moments of peace, or chance to stop thinking, once chapter to feel free from all that does hurt you.
“I need you to take my hand and jump.” I will make the noises stop. I will stop your tears. I will take away all the hurts you. But in return I will take away all that you love. It is the deal you must make in order to be freed from the darkness.
No more waves. No more pain. No more anguish.
You will pass. But in doing so the waves of torture will turn into beautiful floating oceans close to shore. With nightly sunsets. Pain is gone. You hurt no more.
So you see; for some…they don’t want to just “die” it’s the fact that they do love the life they have. But something horrible is pulling them away from it. And they can fight past it for days, maybe weeks, but eventually they just want one day of freedom…no more pain. The chance to wake up and feel positive and not be met with the negativity they ran from the night before; and while asleep the negativity caught up to them and waited for them to open their eyes so the negativity could say “I found you”.
Su***de comes with an ending that very few people get to know themselves let alone be able to share it with others. Because it is not until your breath is gone, your mind turned off, does your spirit decide what story it will tell to god, the devil, the unknown, other spirits,…we simply don’t know what the future is for those who have had to leave by their hand. But reality is…those who leave silently in their sleep, accidentally shot, in the midst of a world disaster, etc. we too, have no clue what their spirits will say for them.
Men Cry Too, MENtal HEALth Awareness For Men & Veterans Michigan Association for Su***de Prevention Stop Soldier Su***de Su***de Awareness / Prevention NAMI Michigan Michigan Mental Wellness Mental healthMichigan Mental Health Counselors Association AFSP Michigan Chapter ***deAwareness DMac Osb Tecumseh Firefighters
