Iron Therapy

09/30/2024

Hey everyone!

So I finally landed at Mohawk Correctional Facility (State Prison). I'd appreciate it if anyone would like to talk with me, add me on JPAY Messenger. My DIN number is 24R2112. If anyone has questions as to how it works feel free to ask. I would truly appreciate any outside contact I can get. I'm truly trying my best to hold myself together, but in all honesty, it's not easy. I have always been the person people came to when they needed help and now that I'm in this situation I don't have many people to turn to. So if you're reading this and can think of a time where I offered you a helping hand please feel free to return the favor.

At the moment my Mother is the only outside contact I have and it would mean the world to me to be able to talk to you also. My days are filled with struggle after struggle, and at this point in time, I really just need some positivity in my life. If any of you have been waiting for a letter from me please know that I fully intend on writing to you. I just need to wait until I can get some stamps as this facility does not let us mail out free envelopes like the last reception facility I was in.

I'm trying my best to remain positive and use this time in some way to better myself, it's just not easy when you're alone. Thank you for even taking the time to read this and please know that you could make the biggest difference in my life just by letting me know that you care.

08/14/2024

Sovol 3D Printer w/one spool of filament
$95
Details
Condition
Used - Good
Color
Black
Sovol 3D Printer...bought on Amazon for $189 plus spool of filament for free
Pickup only Delhi, NY

08/11/2024

OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND

As the days click by I’m starting to notice something I have feared, start to come into fruition. You see, I have this long list of phone numbers that I will pull out when I'm feeling down and
need somebody to talk to. Usually I don't make it past dialing the first few numbers before somebody answers. Lately that hasn't been the case. Mind you I'm not calling collect, but paying for the phone time out of what little funds I have left. But as the days pass I notice less and less people even have the time to answer me.
In some cases I feel like this is because promises were made to me that were never fulfilled. Things I never asked for, but were offered. I get that they all meant well and may feel ashamed for letting me down, but what really hurts is feeling like I've lost friends and connection to the outside world.
I feel so alone at times. Like nobody understands how much it hurts getting your hopes up, only to be let down time and time again. This jail no longer even has a mental health person that
can come in and speak to us. We have a lady that can only come in one day a week and all she says she can do for us are evaluations. Well after she evaluated me she was in tears and advised me to advocate for this jail’s administration to hire a more qualified person. I did and I got a reply back saying that they are looking for somebody to hire. I have been here 8 months so far and am doing anything and everything I can to hold myself together, as well as, provide support to my fellow inmates.
IT’S JUST SO DIFFICULT. I miss Tom Dwyer so much. He is the jail’s old counselor and he may have a reputation of being a bit odd himself, but he truly cares and that's what matters most. I need more people in my life like Tom who are willing to put in the time and effort before I can even think about healing.
Just please don't make empty promises to anyone who's locked up. I cannot begin to express how much it hurts getting your hopes up, only to be let down time and time again.

07/30/2024

Paul now has no access to the outside world through phone calls or emails..so I am asking for help to insure that he can. Knowing what is going on outside of those walls is imperative to his mental and emotional health. I would normally take care of this myself but every penny I had went into saving the life of his dog, Lilah, a week ago today. She survived emergency surgery and is recuperating successfully, but slowly. So anyone who would like to help via commissary can cash app to me, $DeborahLFontana or visit www.accesscorrections.com his DIN is 4107. Thank you for whatever you can do to help!

07/14/2024

One of the first things I learned in the treatment field, and am now experiencing, is that you cannot expect a person to heal from past trauma if all their most basic needs are not met first. You'd think in jail those needs would be met. They are not. If a person doesn't have means to buy simple hygiene products, like deodorant, they must go without if this jail DCSO will not provide it.

It's always been hard for me to reach out and ask for help. I know that played a major factor in my arrest too. So if any of you would be so kind as to click on this link https://beautifulstruggle.substack.com/ and check out my substack account for just 5 bucks a month you get access to my prison journal and other cool true stories. Plus first hand accounts of the corruption running rampant through our judicial and carceral systems.

I've met some truly amazing people throughout my journey and hopefully, through my writing, their memory lives on and continues to touch the hearts of others as they did mine.
Please share this around for your bro behind bars

07/07/2024

Thought For The Day

Sometimes I feel like reality isn't really relevant. Perception is. How else could you explain how
“WE THE PEOPLE” allow those in power to remain in power, even after so many atrocities they
have and continue to commit.
They use fear to control us. We are being manipulated now and have been for some time. It's
time for CHANGE. Just don't know what that change will be.
Will we benefit or will those already in power just find new ways to keep their hold over us. The
sad reality is that the vast majority of people prefer the bo***ge of social order, strict laws and
materialism.
THE ONLY freedom people want is the freedom to become comfortable, but even their comfort
is confined.
I ask you, “What is that false sense of safety really worth?”

06/30/2024

Another Thought....

Reality isn't really relevant. Perception is. Allow me to explain. We are all human with the same basic needs. That's the reality. Yet we feel the need to compete instead of living in harmony. We attempt to control one another out of fear. That's the perception, upon which we act. Pitting us against one another, making us easier to manipulate.
Nobody seems to question the motives of those in power much. Too many distractions. That's how those in power stay in power. True freedom is far from free. It requires much pain and
sacrifice.
The reality is people prefer the bo***ge of social order, strict laws and materialism. The only freedom they really want is the freedom to be comfortable. But this comfort is confined. Outside of our “comfort zone” is chaos, death and destruction. All being done by those we task with keeping us comfortable.
I ask you this, “what is this false sense of security worth?” If you were to look around, it comes at a very high cost. To whom is the cost though? It falls upon you and I anyway. I'd rather the
pain and sacrifice that comes along with freedom, in this day and age, than the false sense of comfort afforded to those who chose to only color in between the lines.

06/30/2024

Just A Random Thought

People fail to realize that true freedom requires sacrifice and pain. Most only think they want true freedom, when in reality they prefer the bo***ge of social order, strict laws and materialism. The only freedom people actually want is the freedom to be comfortable. Now I myself chose to trade comfort for freedom. But what does that mean? I follow most basic laws and treat people with respect in most cases. But if I follow my own free spirit and allow my heart
to guide me, sadly, I am seen as a threat to the oppressors as I'm not afraid to stand for what's right and I'm able to navigate tiers systems and make them actually do their jobs. They demand
our respect, yet set no example for us to follow in regards to accountability and honor. I say if they want respect so bad then give us something to respect. Be fair and honorable and stop taking advantage of your positions. Give us something to respect!!

06/18/2024

No matter what, never give up searching for the things that you love… and those who love you back. Run to them.

The old saying “What doesn't kill you makes you stronger”- yeah that is not something I entirely believe. I'm pretty sure that's how trauma is formed. Those situations have always left me angry and or sad and hurt. True strength comes from the good things in life.

FAMILY-FRIENDS-HARD WORK AND TAKING PRIDE IN YOUR TRADE-SERVICE TO THOSE IN NEED-KINDNESS AND COMPASSION.

Those were the things which kept me whole. That's what I long for now. I just have to make it through this without losing hope. I don't want to come out the other side of this broken, consumed with anger and with hatred like last time.

I know I have to be alive for a reason. I pray it's a good one. A worthy cause. Something that
could justify all my pain and give me purpose again.

I MISS MY PASSION.

05/22/2024

Would you like to read a TRUE and CAPTIVATING TALE ABOUT MY FIRST HAND ACCOUNT OF BEING BOTH DELAWARE COUNTY JAIL’S AND MARCY NY STATE PRISON’S FIRST EVER SUBOXONE PATIENT? I felt some growing pains along the way that's for sure. Check out - M.A.T. MAYHEM- AND -THE BOX- @ BEAUTIFULSTRUGGLE.SUBSTACK.COM TRIGGER WARNING!! - DRUG USE-DEATH N SUICIDE-GRAPHIC VIOLENCE . ALL TRUE AND WELL DOCUMENTED EVENTS THAT I AM GRATEFUL TO HAVE SURVIVED. CHECK THEM OUT!!

05/19/2024

Paul's "Honey Bun" Fund... That is what fills his tummy because apparently the jail has cut down their food budget! So anyone who would like to help via commissary can cash app to me, please DM me or visit www.accesscorrections.com his DIN is 4107. Thank you, Debbie

The secure way to Send Money and SecureMail messages to an incarcerated loved one. Access Corrections offers online inmate deposits, email, post bail, court, parole and probation payments.

05/19/2024

Have you ever wondered WHAT goes on behind these cold concrete walls and razor wire fences? Well here at ASK-AN-INMATE all of your questions will be answered and, as always, Raw and Uncut just like that good dope should be. Please feel free to leave your questions below and I promise to answer each and every single one. The Best Questions will earn their own video Break Down and be featured both on FB and Substack for free. Because my friends and I know that ”Knowledge is Power.”