10/05/2021
Have you ever tried to salvage an apple by cutting around all the dead parts, only to realize it’s so rotten that it’s better to throw out the whole thing?
Sometimes, the same is true for good feedback from abusive people. Abuse packaged in “loving” criticism, sometimes called “gaslighting”, can send you on a tailspin of self-evaluation, in an cyclical search for which of the abusers statements were purely toxic and which were valuable insights.
In some cases, the healthiest solution is to throw out the entire apple, even if there are bits of truth and lessons between the rot.
This is not an excuse to skip shadow work or dismiss patterns in our unhealthy behaviors. Each pain we invite into our lives, including that from abusers, is a reflection of inner work to be done on ourselves.
However, the universe is always conspiring in our favor, and lessons are repeated until we learn them. Trust that you are not avoidant or selfish just because you chose not to sift through rot to find 1 bit of salvageable fruit.
Throw the trash out, sweetie.
