Relational Growth Therapy

04/03/2026

When emotions run high, your brain isn’t trying to connect… it’s trying to protect

That reactive part of your brain can quickly kick you into fight, flight, freeze, or fix mode and suddenly the conversation isn’t a conversation anymore… it’s a wildfire.

🔥 More heat
🔥 More defensiveness
🔥 More disconnection

So how do you stop the fire from spreading?

Start here:
1. Notice
“My emotions are heightened. Their emotions are heightened. This is a lot.”
2. Name it
“This feels overwhelming for me.”

It sounds simple, but naming the experience actually lowers reactivity and gives you access to clearer thinking and more connected communication.

✨ Instead of throwing gas on the fire… you’re pouring water on it 👩‍🚒

Bonus: get curious
What’s really coming up for me right now?
When have I felt this before?
What actually helps me in moments like this?

🏔️ If you’re in Colorado and want support in your relationship or within yourself, I’d love to help ❤️ reach out through the link in my bio to schedule a consultation.

03/24/2026

Emotional labor often doesn’t get named in relationships.

It just quietly gets carried.
It’s the constant noticing.
The anticipating.
The managing of moods, logistics, and invisible details that keep everything running.

And for a while, it can even feel like
“this is just what I do.”

Until it doesn’t.

Until the weight of it turns into frustration, distance, and resentment...and the fights start to become perpetual and unsolvable.

Because somewhere along the way,
the relationship stopped feeling like a partnership and the story became "I am doing this alone" or "I'm the only one that cares"

And without the ability to communicate with each other, couples stay stuck in the same conflict...and the distance turns into a Grand Canyon of loneliness.

✨ Follow for more honest conversations about relationships 
📩 In Colorado 🏔️Link in bio for a free consultation

03/20/2026

The midlife shift no one warns you about…

It’s not a crisis.
It’s an awakening.

It’s the moment you start noticing all the parts of you
you gave up,
shrunk down,
or forgot
just to keep everything (and everyone) else running

And then one day something in you says:
…yeah, no. f**k that!

You stop abandoning yourself to keep the peace.

You start reclaiming your voice, your needs, your space.

It’s not selfish.
It’s a return.

And it’s one of the most powerful shifts you’ll ever make.

If you’re in this season, you’re not alone.
And you don’t have to figure it out by yourself!

✨ Book a consult (Colorado residents) if you’re ready to explore coming back to you.

03/19/2026

While dramas on tv are fun to watch, in real life your relationship deserves better.

Next time you're in conflict try these steps instead 👇👇👇

What happened was…
(just the facts, not your Netflix documentary reenactment 🎬)

What I’m telling myself is…
(aka the story your brain cooked up at 2am)

And about that I feel…
(real feelings only—“I feel like you’re annoying” is not one 😅)

What I would like is…
(a clear ask, not a full personality rebrand)

It’s simple. Not always easy. But way more effective than arguing about the same thing on loop.

Save this for later & try it next time things start heating up 🔥

And if you’re in Colorado and want help practicing this in real life, click the link in my bio 💛

03/18/2026

If you keep having the same fight with your partner…try these steps to Speak From Your Regulated Self ⬇️

✨ What happened was…
Just the facts; use I statements when possible
(Think: what a camera would see.)
"We agreed to share the chore of doing the dishes and I have done them the past 5 nights"

✨ What I’m telling myself is…
Name the story or meaning you are making
"I'm not a priority to you"

✨ And I feel…
Say the emotions that are coming up for you about the story...even if it feels vulnerable.
"I feel overwhelmed and angry"

✨ What I would like is…
Make a clear, request for something different.
"I would like to create a schedule for chores so expectations are clear"

This isn’t about winning.
It’s about feeling understood 🤍

If you’re in Colorado and stuck in the same patterns, I can help.
👉 See link in bio to get started

03/16/2026

Couples don’t repeat fights because they’re bad at communication.

They repeat fights because they’re stuck in the same story of each other, of their relationship, of their roles.

I often work with couples who fight about the dishes (or other household task)

Every week. Same fight. 🍽️ 💣

She says: “You never help.”
He says: “Nothing I do is enough for you”

But the dishes are not the real problem. The story they are stuck in is...

🧍‍♀️Her story: “I’m alone in this, he doesn't care” 💔
🧍‍♂️ His story: “I’ll never be good enough, I always disappoint her.” 💔

Small moments of rupture confirms the story.

And the fight keeeps repeating.

If you keep having the same fight, explore the story of disconnection underneath.

If you’re in Colorado and ready to break the cycle, I’d love to help.

💌 Book a consultation through the link in my bio.

Follow for more real relationship tools. 🤍

03/02/2026

“We just need tools.”

I hear this all the time in relationship consultations.

And I get it.

We’re not taught how healthy communication.
And research from The Gottman Method shows that “healthy” couples do have specific behaviors, rituals, and habits that keep them connected.

So it makes sense to think:

If A + B = C
Just teach us A and B…
…and we’ll be C (connected). ❤️

But here’s the part we don’t talk about enough:

Tools only work when your emotionally regulated wise adult self is in the driver’s seat.

Tools require:
✨ Emotional regulation
✨ Self-trust
✨ The ability to stay open instead of protective

When my wise adult is leading...
The tools work beautifully.

When my wounded or adaptive parts are driving...
When I’m reacting from an old story that says I need to protect myself...

The tools?
They fly straight out the window. 💨

This is why relationship therapy isn’t just about learning scripts.

It’s about asking:
👉 What gets activated in me?
👉 What am I protecting?
👉 What wounds are still tender?

Because lasting connection isn’t built from better "tools".

It’s built from healing the parts of us that struggle to use them.

If you’re in Colorado and ready to do this work 🏔️individually or as a couple 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩I’d love to support you.

Reach out through the link in my bio to schedule a free consultation. 🤍

02/16/2026

Hi, I’m Alana.

I’m a relationship (couples + families) and individual therapist.

My role isn’t to dictate your journey, it’s to create a space of trust and safety where real vulnerability can happen. Because healing requires honesty. And honesty requires safety. 🤍

I’m here as a knowledgeable guide while you do the brave work of growth.

💛 Relationships

The strongest partnerships still need support.

Couple Therapy can help you:
• Shatter destructive patterns
• Communicate with clarity and confidence
• Restore and fortify trust
• Cultivate deep emotional security

✨ Rediscover the connection you deserve.

🔥 Mid-Life Women

This is the season of evolution.

You can:
• Stop overfunctioning and carrying it all
• Release the pressure to be everything for everyone
• Let go of outdated expectations (and give fewer F*cks 😉)
• Fully own your voice, needs, and desires

This chapter isn’t a crisis, it’s a reclamation.

🌿 Caregiver Support

If you’re holding aging parents, growing kids, a partner, and a career… it’s a lot.

You deserve space to:
• Stop carrying the weight alone
• Set boundaries without guilt
• Navigate burnout and overwhelm
• Feel grounded in every role you hold

You don’t have to disappear inside caregiving.
You get to matter, too.

If you’re in Colorado and ready to feel more connected, aligned, and supported, let’s talk!

📍 Schedule a consultation today.
Your next chapter deserves intention.

02/11/2026

Relationship Lessons from Cartoon Dogs 🐕

Are you living in the joy of playing the game or getting caught in the disconnection of who is right and who is wrong💔

⛰️In Colorado and wanting to explore your relationships? Reach out for a free consultation at the link on my bio 🏔️

01/23/2026

What is Relational Recovery? 💔➡️❤️‍🩹

Relational Recovery comes from the work of Terry Real and Relational Life Therapy (RLT). At its heart, it’s about healing not just the individual, but the relationship itself.

Many of us were taught to focus on being “right,” self-sufficient, and/or emotionally armored.
Relational Recovery asks something different:
✨ Can we stay connected and accountable?
✨ Can we move from blame to responsibility?
✨ Can we replace power struggles with partnership?

In Relational Recovery, we look at:
• How old survival patterns show up in our relationships
• The difference between being right and being relational
• How to shift from automatic reactions to intentional connection
• Repairing harm through accountability, empathy, and truth

This work isn’t about perfection.
It’s about repair.
It’s about learning how to show up with strength and care.
It’s about creating relationships where both people matter. ⛰️🏔️Are in Colorado and in need of relationship support? 🤳Reach out at the link in my bio

07/11/2025

New blog post with Free Worksheet

In the hustle of daily life (work, errands, family demands, endless to-do list), it is easy for couples to slip into logistical mode and forget about each other. Conversations become about who’s picking up the kids or what needs to go on the grocery list, and the deeper connection can quietly drif...

06/06/2025

New blog post, on the impact the "No" and "Yes" messages from childhood.

Discover how early “No” vs. “Yes” messages shape your relationships today. Learn how childhood experiences influence adult attachment and how therapy can help you build healthier connections.