15/02/2022
I spent most of 3rd pregnancy depressed.
By depressed I mean, for the better part of 5 months I wanted to lay in my bed and be left alone. Kinda hard to do when you have 2 other kids.
Of course I didnât realize I was depressed at the time, which is common when youâre stuck in the darkness. When it lifted I recognized it for what it was immediately.
The day I felt better began at 730am on a Sunday. I woke up and decided to take my girls to the grocery store with me while Tyler was exercising. When I told him he looked SHOCKED.
He asked me if I was sure I could handle it.
It was in that moment that I realized how bad I had gotten. How long the previous 5 months had been. How far away from myself I had really gotten.
I wish I could tell you that I did X or Y and that made it better.
Nothing made it better, but there were certainly things that helped. Namely therapy, exercise, supportive people in my life, and hope. Getting back to something that appeared ânormalâ took time and a bit of getting tired of myself.
Youâll hear that pregnancy is temporary and to hang in there.
As I look back on my journal from that time, that stretch of temporary felt like an eternity.
When you want to dry heave all day
When your brain is foggy
When youâre tired 24/7
When its uncomfortable to sit or stand
âTemporaryâ doesnât mean a thing.
What I learned during that very hard time is that sometimes there isn't an easy fix for things, that no one else can make me better, that I have to say out loud "I am not ok" and then ask for what I need. And I learned that sometimes you can do all the right things and still feel like s**t. Side note, that's usually a pretty good sign to get some help.
Pregnancy depression isnât talked about nearly as much as postpartum depression, but itâs a thing. A lonely thing. If youâre there, find people you can talk to about it. Go to therapy, talk to a doctor, find the courage to tell your people that youâre not ok. âšâšIf youâre pregnant and depressed, youâre not alone.
