Jill Marnee, West Des Moines, Des Moines, IA (2025)

07/29/2025

TW: substance misuse

I wanted to share this here because I wish someone would have told me this earlier in my journey of dealing with crippling anxiety.

That nightly glass of wine to relax after a long, overwhelming day-it is making your anxiety worse! I know that it feels like it helps you unwind, not to mention everywhere we turn, we are sold the idea that a drink is the perfect solution to a hard day,

But here’s what’s happening behind the scenes—
Alcohol disrupts the brain’s natural balance (homeostasis), especially in areas that regulate mood and anxiety. It suppresses nervous system activity while you're drinking… but once it wears off, the brain often overcorrects.
That overcorrection can look like:
➡️ Racing thoughts
➡️ Restlessness
➡️ Waking up at 3am with a pounding heart
➡️ Heightened anxiety the next day

So even though alcohol may seem like a helpful stress-reliever in the moment, it can actually increase baseline anxiety over time.
Further complicating the matter is the shame and stigma around substance misuse. I know that I often went through my day wondering if I was the only one who struggled with breaking this anxiety/drinking to calm down/more anxiety cycle.

It wasn't until I truly understood the brain chemistry behind it that I began to understand exactly why it was so hard to break the cycle. It was a light bulb moment for me, which is why I wanted to share it here.

If you struggle with this and don't know where to turn, my inbox is always open. The relief that I experienced once I finally cut those ties for good was massive. Life changing.

07/29/2025

I am pretty sure that I came out of the womb as a sensitive and deeply feeling human being. And if not, it developed rather quickly because even my earliest memories include 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 a lot. It's hard to describe, but if you're a deep feeler, you know exactly what I am talking about.

I remember a lot of emotional outbursts and getting into trouble. If I had a nickel for every time I heard: "The world does not revolve around you..." I would have been a millionaire by age 10. You see, I was always really confused when my parents said that to me because I never expected the world to revolve around me. In fact, it was quite the opposite, but I didn't have the words to explain it. So I tried to tone it down and worked hard to feel nothing--which was a total disaster in the end. What I needed to learn instead was how to sit with those feelings.

What I have come to realize is that life is meant to be felt. As Jill Bolte Taylor says: "We are not thinking beings that feel; we are feeling beings that think."

Read that again. Let in sink in because most of us, in Western culture especially, have been taught that we think and then we feel, when in reality, we feel before we think.

The ramifications of this are immense in terms of how we view and live our lives. We aren't just moving through life doing things, which is how many choose to live their lives. We are human 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴, and we get to move through life feeling the world around us. That is the beauty of being human. 𝘞𝘦 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭, 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘥𝘰.

For some of you, the thought of feeling the world might be incredibly scary or overwhelming. Maybe you are trying to hide and numb those feelings because it hurts to feel. Trust me. I get it. But I promise that once you learn how to feel deeply, you will experience life the way it was intended to be lived.

If you are ready to start fully feeling and experiencing life, but don't know how to start, I would love to chat with you about how my programs can help you along your journey. Send me a DM or book a call using the link in the comments below.

Remember...healing is always better together.

07/26/2025

You’ve spent hours in talk therapy, dissecting your childhood, naming your patterns, and intellectually understanding your pain — but deep down, nothing really feels different.
You still get hijacked by your reactions.
Your body still tenses when conflict arises.
You’re still exhausted, anxious, and wondering,
"Why can’t I just move on?"

Here’s the thing that most people don't realize:
Understanding your trauma isn’t the same as healing it.
Lasting transformation happens below the neck — in your nervous system, your body, and the parts of you that learned survival as a way of life.

Somatic work rewires the felt sense of safety in your system.
When you include the body in the healing process, everything begins to shift:

You don’t just know you’re safe — you feel it.

Triggers lose their grip.

You stop repeating old cycles.
You move from feeling stuck in endless loops of insight and discover relief, regulation, peace and joy..

If talk therapy helped you understand the why — but not the how to change,
It’s time for a new approach.

My coaching weaves nervous system healing, somatic practices, and trauma-informed support to help you embody the freedom you’ve been working so hard to find.

If you’re done living in survival mode and ready to feel like yourself again, I offer free, gentle discovery calls where we explore what’s really going on beneath the surface — no pressure, just space to be heard.
https://portal.jillmarnee.com/sp/6516218bbed

07/25/2025

I am the Queen of over-complicating things. I am a perfectionist, which I have learned is a part of me that is considered a "protector part." It showed up because I was afraid to make mistakes or get into trouble; especially at school. If I was perfect, I would never have to feel the sense of shame that accompanied mistakes.

This is also why I am co-dependent. If I can make everyone around me happy, then I feel as though I have accomplished something--I am of value to the world. So I over-analyze the actions of others, which never leads to good outcomes because when we make assumptions, we are almost always wrong.

I am learning to let others be. I can't control their thoughts anyway so just "let them." I can only control my own actions. There is a great deal of freedom in that.

And the best times in my life are when I can simply let go and "just be." I'm not thinking about what I should have done better in the past or what I should be doing next, I am just in the moment.

It takes a lot of practice to be able to consistently stay in the moment, but it is worth the effort. It is in those moments where I appreciate being alive. Where my heart swells with the love that I have for my children. Where I appreciate the beauty of all that is around me. Everything else just fades to the background because when it comes down to it, life is about those moments, not about everything else we make it out to be.

If you spend a lot of time in your head, over-analyzing the past or planning ahead for what might come to be, you know, deep down, that you are missing the moments that truly count. Maybe you don't know how to even get to the point where you can possibly feel "in the moment" because life is totally overwhelming. Trust me, I get it.

I'd love to share with you the practices that have worked for me and to chat with you about how I might be able to help you in your journey to live in the freedom of "just being."

Send me a DM and I'd be happy to chat with you!

07/24/2025

I remember my therapist telling me that anxiety is one of the worst things to feel, but also one of the easiest to treat. That has always stuck with me because if it was so easy, why did I spend so many years in therapy with little relief from the pain? Why do I talk with women on a daily basis who suffer from anxiety? Why are so many women asking what to do in the moment when they are panicking?

I am excited to be offering Attachment Focused Bilateral Stimulation as part of my coaching. This is the method that I used to finally break free from crippling anxiety. It has changed my life.

This is a method that I can do on my own between sessions to self-regulate and when practiced regularly, can expand the capacity of my nervous system so that I can handle more challenging situations without becoming dysregulated. (It can even be used with children when they become highly activated!)

If you know that something isn't right and that life is meant to be more than just pushing through and you long to experience more grounded and joyful days, living in the present moment rather than stuck in your head worrying about what has happened in the past or all that you have to do in the future, I'd love to chat with you to see how this method can benefit you.

Send me a DM and we can chat! I currently have a few openings prior to the start of school. Make the back to school transition smoother by starting from a place of inner calm and strength.

07/23/2025

Sometimes I feel so incredibly overwhelmed, it hurts to breathe. Lately, I've been having these intense hot flashes whenever I think about our current financial situation. I can feel my brain slowing down and I just sit and stare...like I'm watching someone else live my life.

Going through the motions, desperately longing for quiet and some ice! I am trying to catch those racing thoughts before they get carried away and noticing how my body reacts is the best way to do that. Because my body understands before my brain can put words to it.

If this sounds familiar, you are definitely not alone. It is a hard and sometimes lonely road and there are days when we wonder if we will feel like this forever.

The answer is no. We won't. It will pass. The question is how do we respond to the cues our body is giving us?

If you feel stuck and overwhelmed, you can get unstuck! If you like to learn more about my Trauma Unlocking Program, send me a DM and we can work together to see how this might help you in your healing process.

07/23/2025

When you are in the thick of something, it feels all consuming and you wonder if you are going to be stuck there forever. You wonder if this will be the final straw and if this will be the time that the darkness swallows you.

I have learned that it does get easier. Each time we recognize a new technique, deal with a past wound, or discover a new coping technique, we get a little bit stronger and the darkness is a little shorter.

I often fall into the trap of letting go a little bit--a practice (like yoga or journaling) falls away or I stop taking an important medicine and BOOM! I don't know why the human brain works this way; I suppose it's our belief that success means we fixed the broken part and now we can go back to the way things were before we started adding these healing components into our lives.

That's the thing--we're not broken. It's not like a broken bone that a cast fixes and then comes off and we're back to normal. These healing components were meant to be part of our lives from the beginning. Not a "fix," but a way of life.

Our nervous system is a complex system and it is designed to keep us alive so why do we ignore the signs that it sends to us each day? The need to rest and reset or to take that energy we have and harness it toward a goal or move away from a toxic relationship?

We hold the wisdom, but it takes practice. Daily practice. What have you cut out of your life that is healing and would bring you back to center and grounded? What changes do you need to make to get back to a place where you are practicing that on a daily basis?

07/23/2025

Today I took 5 of my kids and my three nieces to rock climb (I had help)! I was surprised that my 10 year old wanted to go because he typically doesn't like to leave the house to do things that are new. Plus, he had been at VBS all morning so he was all "peopled out."

We noticed that he had no issues climbing up, but he didn't like letting go to go down. He stayed in one position for at least 10 minutes, trying to figure out how to climb down, but it just wasn't possible. Eventually he did it! And he climbed right back up. This time, he was up there for about 5 minutes. But he did it.

A little while later, I looked up and he was in this position and I could tell that he was trying to get the courage to let go. I said: "You can do it buddy."

He called back: "My mind is telling me to do it, but my body is saying no!"

And I realized he had just explained exactly how the nervous system works. He couldn't let go because his body was telling him that it was not safe. It didn't matter that he knew he was safe, his body wouldn't let him go.

Eventually he had no issues letting go. I asked him what changed. He told me: "I have a strategy now. I let go with my right hand first and then when it feels safe, I let go with my left hand."

And that is how we regulate our nervous systems. I talk about nervous system regulation a lot, but I wasn't sure if they were listening. Turns out they were listening more than I thought. ❤️❤️

07/22/2025

You're constantly on edge—and you don't even remember what calm feels like.

Your shoulders are tight. Your mind won’t stop spinning.
Every little thing feels like too much, and even when nothing’s wrong… your body stays braced for impact.

You’ve tried deep breaths. You’ve tried being “positive.” But the stress always comes back.

Because it’s not just stress.
It’s your nervous system stuck in survival mode—responding to old wounds, old stories, and unprocessed pain that’s still living in your body.

That’s where the Trauma Unlocking Workbook comes in.
This isn’t just a journal.
It’s a trauma-informed healing guide, grounded in somatic tools, nervous system education, and gentle reflection—done with me as your coach.
Together, we’ll untangle the patterns, calm the chaos, and help you move from shutdown or fight-or-flight… into deep, embodied healing.

You're not too much. You're not broken.
You just need support that meets you where you are.

If you would like to explore the Trauma Unlocking Experience, send me a DM and we can chat about what your healing journey looks like for you.

07/21/2025

We often think of triggers as signs that something is wrong with us.
But what if they’re actually sacred messengers?
⠀
In IFS, we learn that every emotional reaction is a part of us trying to speak — a protector, a wounded inner child, a past version of ourselves just longing to feel safe.
⠀
So when you're triggered… pause. Ask yourself:
-What part of me is feeling scared or unheard right now?
-What does this part need from me?
⠀
This shift doesn’t just calm the reaction — it opens the door to real healing.
⠀
What’s a common trigger for you that might be trying to say something deeper?

07/20/2025

I talk with a lot of women who don't understand why they stay in toxic relationships. What most people fail to understand is that a trauma bond is an addiction, created through a biochemical loop of reward → withdrawal → intermittent reinforcement → hope.

It’s not weakness.
It’s chemistry.
But awareness helps you break the loop.

If you are involved in a toxic relationship and are unsure about how to get out of the cycle, send me a private message. I have a program designed specifically to help unlock the trauma associated with narcissistic abuse. I'd love to chat with you about how I might be able to help you break free, once and for all.

Jill Marnee

07/29/2025

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