31/12/2023
At the beginning of 2023 I prayed and asked the Lord for a word for the year. What I first heard was “foundation” then “build” I thought this past year was going to be about me pursuing the things he wanted me to build. I had dreams to purchase my first investment property, to start my own business… honestly things that I thought would bring more stability and security to my life.
Now this year coming to a close and as I reflect back that’s not what those words meant at all. This year has been a year of tearing down, brokenness, in a sense coming to the end of myself. Who am I? What am I truly? A year of stripping away, and you know what I found?
I have spent 38 years making decisions based upon fear (mostly). I have been chasing and running towards building things that make me feel safe. And you know what that made me realize? I haven’t been really living. Trying to be safe is not living …it’s surviving, there is a big difference.
So I thought I would be building a tangible foundation in business, Jesus had another plan… he had to tear down the world I built… to lay a new foundation. A foundation on him alone.
When I got my diagnosis this past summer, I shut the door to my room, fell to the floor and cried! I said “don’t waste this Lord, don’t waste this season between you and me!” He showed me through this death that entered my body, that my life was actually dead…most choices I’ve made in my life were a response to fear. Fear was my god. I confessed this deep realization and told God, “No more, I’m tired of not living, fear will not be the motivation of my life anymore…help me!”
By Gods grace and strength I’m considering this first half of my life dead, and I’m not looking back. I’m choosing faith and looking to his guidance. I’m not trying to save my life anymore, I’m giving it away …to find it.
Even though my body wastes away my spirit is being renewed day by day! I’m building an eternal foundation from this day forward…that’s where true life is found! This next year I’m walking into true living …abundant living!
(1st 3 photos before diagnosis, last 3 after)