08/16/2023
's & Dementia PSA
(possibly a rant)
Please don't keep your loved one with dementia at home out of guilt.
That is a useless emotion.
If you aren't capable, if you can't keep them safe...
Your job becomes to find a community that can.
Your job is to be there, be present.
You need to ensure you entrust this task with professionals.
You have to shop around for the best rates and the best care... the two rarely are found in the same building.
Enjoy the fun times left, and allow professionals to help your loved one thrive within a safe environment.
It becomes your job to take on the hard work.
Make those choices.
You are just one person.
It takes a team of people, in different roles, on different shifts to care for someone with dementia.
And even they clock out for a break.
If you don't know how to redirect, and you think it's your job to help them remember...
you can't take care of them.
If you don't know how to step into their reality, and think that they belong in yours...
You're making it worse.
If you think your cognitively impaired loved one knows what they need and they are telling you, "I don't want to go to a memory care community."
You would likely be mistaken.
Essentially listening to a child refuse to go to school.
Not everyone needs to be in memory care.
Many seniors are fine to age at home In care of family.
But, when they do need it
You will know it.
You see mom almost set the house on fire, flood it, get out down the street, take a car.
Granny is hitting you.
Pawpaw is making inappropriate comments at Sunday School....
It's time.
And that is not a reason for guilt...
It's not a time to find blame.
It's a time to find solutions.
Solutions that prolong and improve quality of life.
This is the time to evaluate all possible options.
It's an invitation to find the right place.
The right people.
The right price.
The right level of care.
Some people know Mom needs memory care, put her on an Assisted Living Unit and refuse to believe they are setting their loved one up for a unfortunate decline. Good job recognizing you weren't equipped.
Failure in choosing the appropriate level of care.
Your uncle's dementia is just as bad as the people "back there;" but he masks it well.
When we have to have the police bring him home because you refused the lock down unit... remember...this was your choice.
Memory Care requires programming.
It shouldn't just be the unit in the back where the behaviors and odors are kept hidden away from view.
It requires finesse.
Therapeutic Lies and creative correction.
Support and Rigid Routines.
Regular exercise of the procedural memory.
So much goes into care for this population.
Say you do finally bite the bullet.. Dad is on a memory care unit...
And you're fighting staff over things Dad said you know ain't true.
" He's wet, and nobody has changed him in a week now. "
You're screaming at care staff because dad lost his green hat.
Furious he rolled out of bed.
Take that same critical eye and evaluate the situation.
Yes.. there will be falls. Did you want them strapped down? Drugged?
Yes.. there will be odors here and there.
Bodily waste does this.
Sometimes people with Dementia have accidents.
Yes.. there will be behavioral issues.
Elopement Risks.
Missing and lost
Items.
Its MEMORY CARE!
Some communities do place people in the so called Memory Care unit as a means of seclusion and being "tour ready.."
But in a functional memory care, we try to keep residents engaged. Not seeking an un met need and falling.
When they do fall, we assess. We monitor. We send out for treatment.
When they have accidents, we clean them. We bathe them... even tho you couldn't pull it off at home.
Mom never let you shower her...
But somehow that night shift girl can get her in every time.
We keep them safe.
We try to keep Missing and lost things together.. but all the residents believe that they are at home.. and what is in their home is theirs.
So maybe Earl took Frank's hat. Let us look. We will find it.
All the complaints.
All the excuses.
Inaction to provide better care is almost as neglectful as offering none.
Please...
Don't let guilt ruin your last few years with Nana.
Let people who can help her try.
Credit to the owner.
