02/18/2026
From the age of 17 until the middle of my 32nd year I was labeled BIPOLAR type 2. Medications offered no real relief, only side effects and a clouded mind which eventually lead to me abandoning treatment and self medicating.
In my early sobriety i sought out some treatment for the symptoms of my behaviors I could no longer control with the drugs and alcohol. That's the first time i heard it...
"CPTSD. Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Most people don't realize they suffer with it because they don't even know they had a less than idea upbringing!" the doctor said.
"My parents did the best they could with what life handed them. Maybe we didn't have alot, but we had respect and manners and that counts for a whole he'll of a lot more than material things!" I spouted off, feeling defensive.
"Generational Trauma often plays a role in how we bring up our children. I'm not insinuating your parents meant to do harm. They were probably mimicking their own upbringing, as their parents before them and before them. 3 or 4 generations back we had young children marrying and starting families as common practice. Mere survival was the leading force in raising our children. Large families were a necessity and children were a families workforce for that survival. The broken shards get past down from generation to generation." he explained.
"Children are to be seen and not heard. I'm the judge, jury and executioner. I brought you into this world and I can take you out. You are my property until you're 18. When I want your opinion I'll give it to you. If you keep crying I'll give you something to cry about it. Suck it up. Boys don't cry. A woman should be in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant." he continued.
"All common phrases our parents said. They heard their parents and grandparents say these same things. Identity and emotions get removed by unintentional emotional neglect and abuse. I don't think you're BIPOLAR. I think you're BROKEN!"
For the first time in 32 years I felt heard and seen. I made the appointment after 5 years of raw do***ng life in hopes of getting back on meds, but left there feeling hopeful for some actual relief! I wasn't hopeless without help...I'm broken!!
It's been a long road of healing and release. Every tear has been worth it. All the tension is gone. I didn't even know my body was holding so much stress until it started to release.
My story isn't unique!!
There are far too many of us struggling silently, thinking we're just stuck because the medications just don't work for us. Maybe it's a misdiagnosis. Or maybe it's a combination of CPTSD and the changes to your neuropathways due to the CPTSD. That's exactly what it was for me.
If you can relate, maybe it's worth a conversation with your mental health professionals.
I've recently learned that the changes CPTSD can cause to our neuropathways are capable of creating neurodivergent behaviors. This has lead me to determine that a formal diagnosis (or debunking) is something I deserve.
Imagine being 47 years old and finally figuring out my own existence... and they said I was a "gifted student" with "higher intelligence"!
*If you are currently taking medications DO NOT DISCONTINUE without your doctors approval.
**If this resonates with you, please seek out a medical professional to discuss it with as i am not a medical professional.
***BIPOLAR DISORDER is a very real thing. My situation is just that...mine. Please, discuss any thoughts you might have with your doctor.
