ARYA

11/14/2025

We need to give a BIG shoutout to Karen!
Karen has been dropping off, little by little, food donations, Christmas decorations, and today she dropped off stockings for each one of the ladies 🥹🙏.

Karen, if you see this, we SO appreciate you and your continued thoughtfulness and love. It means so much to us and the women. Thank you for continuing to show up in all the ways you have- even as a mentor. 💚💚💚

11/14/2025

Emotional Intelligence tip of the day!

This is a topic that comes up a lot —
I find many people believe that being emotionally regulated means being calm and happy.
It means handling everything perfectly and maturely.

But being emotionally regulated isn't just about happiness —
it's the ability to stay present with whatever it is that you're really feeling.
You can be angry and be regulated.
You can be scared and be regulated.
It's actually only when you are regulated that you can be fully present to these feelings — so that you can feel and metabolize them and let them move through you.

Being angry and being regulated can look something like:
I feel hurt by that person's comment; it stings.
But I'm also able to hold on to the wider picture, which is that I love that person and know they care about me, too.
A part of me feels defensive and angry and I can justify that internally — that was a crappy thing for them to say and I didn't like it. That wasn't okay.
But I also know that that comment isn't true; I know that the comment isn't about who I am.

Being regulated allows me to be able to hold on to these several truths at once, so I can turn to this person and say, "hey that comment felt pretty crappy. Is everything okay?"

Being dysregulated puts me into a self-protection and I lose the ability to stay connected to the wider truth, and to being curious.

Being regulated allows me to stay with my feelings, my body, and the present moment. I don't forget myself or how I feel, but I can also hold on the larger truth, too.
I can still be curious and present with the other person.
Being regulated allows me to be open to the fact that maybe there's something missing that I don't know here.
It helps me hold space for nuance, diversity of thought, and complexity.

It doesn't mean the comment was okay, but it helps me take the steps to stay present enough to move *through* this moment (imperfectly) instead of avoiding it, taking it personally, or reacting as though that comment is the whole truth.

This is the work that is really hard if we've never seen this modeled or had people stay present with us in hard moments. But it is possible!

11/14/2025

😂FrIdAy FuNniEs😂
Look, I don’t know about you, but things have been heavy lately- from uncertainties with the economy that have been dysregulating our nervous systems, adjusting to winter coming and how that affects mental health, to some of the stressors that surface around the holiday seasons popping up… we need to laugh more!

A while back I really wanted to start doing “Friday Funnies” for the reason of having an intentional laugh that we could go to. Well, here it is.

🧐According to Mayo Clinic (good info in this article), laughing can:
* soothe tension
* improve your immune system
* relieve pain
* reduce cortisol
* improve your mood
* stimulate your blood flow

https://www.mayoclinic.org/health/stress-relief/SR00034?utm_source=chatgpt.com

Happy Friday, y’all! Enjoy a laugh today! 🤭

11/13/2025

The pressure to drink at holiday parties can make celebrating difficult for those in recovery. Respecting when someone says no to alcohol is important in creating an inclusive environment for all.

11/13/2025

For a lot of people, the holidays aren’t peaceful. They’re performative.

The same person smooths tension, makes amends first, bridges the silence, and keeps the connection intact.
And let’s say that person is usually you!

When you’re the one who always manages the repair, your body doesn’t get to rest. So it’s not wired for safety - it’s wired for management.

That’s why gatherings can feel exhausting, even when nothing has gone wrong. Because your nervous system isn’t always reacting to present day conflict - it’s also reacting to carrying the emotional weight again.

True safety isn’t created by keeping everyone calm. It is created from accountability and genuine care that moves both ways in the relationship.

When repair IS mutual, it doesn’t have to be managed!

Safety can’t take root when repair depends solely on you. Your body needs to see that connection can mend without you prompting it and that care can move toward you TOO.

This season, notice where you’re holding what isn’t yours to hold. Notice where you’re taking responsibility when it isn’t yours to take.

You don’t have to be the bridge every single time. You’re allowed to let others show you if they’re capable of taking responsibility or not. You’re allowed to let connection be a shared experience or not one at all.

We’re not doing one-sided repair this holiday.🖤

11/13/2025

11/13/2025

For anyone interested in Recovery Coaching…

11/12/2025

Emotional Intelligence tip of the day! 💚

When we widen the lens on our behavioral patterns, we will always find that they are not unique to this moment in time. Humans are nothing if not creatures of habit.

And when we widen the lens even further, we will see that many of our most frustrating behaviors are old responses to some earlier environmental or relational pattern, and that that behavior served us in some way.

We yell because we learned that you needed to yell to be heard.
We stay quiet because using our voice elicited disdain or disconnection from caregivers.

Whatever the behavior is, I can assure you, when you zoom out the lens, it makes sense.

It makes sense that you have big feelings when people don’t listen to you.
It makes sense that you want to run away when people try to get close.
It makes sense that you self-soothe with food, screen time, or alcohol if you didn’t learn other ways of navigating emotional distress.

It makes sense.
And when we can approach ourselves with compassion instead of shame, we can bring ourselves into the present moment and increase our curiosity around the underlying need.

And when we lessen the shame, we can begin to try to find new ways of navigating our world so that we can better meet these needs in ways that feel more in alignment with our values.

In case you missed it, The EQ School can send daily texts to your phone — which is great if you’re trying to spend less time on social media but still want reminders that help you check in with yourself, and to remind you of why you’re doing this life changing work.
https://hdly.me/theeqschool

11/10/2025

Emotional Intelligence tip of the day!

People pleasing.
This is the one that unlocked a new level of understanding for me, and how I learned about my own areas of emotional unavailability.

I NEVER thought I was emotionally unavailable, despite often finding myself in relationships with or pursuing emotionally unavailable people. After all, I felt my feelings strongly and I was very attuned to other people’s emotions, so that must mean I was available, right?

What I’ve slowly learned is that by downplaying my own needs and feelings in order to hold space for and meet the needs of everyone else, I wasn’t being honest with myself OR them.

I wasn’t actually letting people see me.
I was controlling the narrative, and would often end up being passive aggressive later on down the line because I hadn’t been open about what was working for me throughout the relationship. Sometimes I didn’t even know, because I was so desperate to be accepted that I was just trying to be who I thought they wanted me to be.

Emotional availability is being present to your feelings and needs and being willing to share them, and allowing the other person to have their own feelings and responses to your needs. It’s vulnerable bc we’re never sure what’s going to happen.

And of course, we people-please for a reason.
I didn’t do this on purpose; it was what I was raised to do in my family system because many parts of me were shamed early on, so I developed the ability to hide them.
I still sometimes have to fight the urge to downplay my own needs and to actually speak up when my feelings might inconvenience someone.

But I see it now.

Hiding your actual needs and feelings doesn’t allow other people to see the real you. They don’t get to know the real you or hold space for the real you. They don’t get the privilege of helping you when you need it, or get to show deeper sides of their personality if they’re only ever responding to one aspect of yours.

In case you missed it, The EQ School can send daily texts to your phone — which is great if you’re trying to spend less time on social media but still want reminders that help you check in with yourself, and to remind you of why you’re doing the work.
https://hdly.me/theeqschool

11/09/2025

If criminalizing homelessness worked we wouldn’t have to be doing this again this year. More tents, more heaters, more propane tanks, more sleeping bags. We do more because the policy makers and their policies have failed to address this issue. In fact they’ve made it worse. If we don’t do what we do, people freeze to death.

It is long past time to admit that the policies of criminalizing homelessness do not work, hold yourselves accountable and come together in a collaborative way with those doing this work to come up with real solutions. We’re a message away, hmu.