04/08/2026
Emotional Intelligence tip of the day!
Many people who have experienced developmental or complex trauma know what I'm talking about here.
Where at one point you lived in a reality that felt tight, numb, or constricted, where stepping outside the bounds of "acceptable" behavior threatened your connection to the space, or your sense of safety.
Where you learned to please, fawn, be "perfect," follow the rules, stay small, live in cycles of drama, avoid real closeness, chase external validation, or do whatever it is you needed to do to maintain that sense of connection or safety.
Where stepping outside of this norm simply wasn't an option —
you learned to expect a negative response if you advocated for yourself or didn't do what was expected of you.
And when this has been your life for decades, change doesn't happen overnight.
It often doesn't even really make sense at first.
There's a slow awakening to a new reality —
one where you get to slow down and meet new parts of yourself.
Where it's safe to express these parts out loud and you aren't met with defensiveness, avoidance, passive aggression, or collapse.
One where conflict doesn't mean the relationship is over, or you're growth doesn't threaten someone else's personhood.
Where difference can be respected and talked about openly —
it can bring you closer together, and actually strengthen your relationship.
This process takes time. And it is possible.
What once was does not need to also be your future.
I'm doing another in-person workshop on April 18th in the Pearl in Portland.
Please come join us as we breathe, soften, practice presence and engage in joyful conversation and connection with people who really get it.
Regulate + Relate, round two. Let's Go!
https://theeqschool.co/regulate-and-relate
