01/19/2024
Thoughts on death, as I reflect on the physical loss of a life long friend today...
Personally, I don't believe that *we* die- meaning the essence of what we truly are, our energy, soul, whatever you wish to call that which gives our physical body a spark- but that only the body ceases to function and exist. That energy must go somewhere, whether it rejoins with the Universe or comes back to live another physical iteration until all learning is completed, energy cannot be created or destroyed, but simply is. Believing this, being "dead" isn't a negative for those who experience it, it's simply another phase in our cycle of existence. So, why then is it so difficult for those of us left behind to cope with the physical loss of someone? Needless to say, the lack of them being present in the physical, and all of the emotional aspects that arise with this, is a given. We understand this, and grieve accordingly. But one aspect that is less considered, though equally as important, is that we also must grieve ourselves. More specifically, a part of ourselves- *the person that we were* when we were with them, while they simultaneously existed in the physical realm, who we have been while they shared our space. Because this part of us also dies. We can no longer identify as the same as before, because that can no longer exist without them. And this brings up a lot of emotions.
Allow yourself to also grieve and process the part of you that dies along with whom you've lost. And with any grief (or any emotion, really), let everything that comes up be fully seen and felt, the good and the bad. It is safe to be seen and felt within you- and remember that whether you want to actually look at it and feel it or not, that it's there regardless. And the only way to truly move on is to let it fully exist within you. Acknowledge it, honor it, thank it... Then allow it to be purged on its own time. Know that it will be, no force required. Be grateful for what this person brought to your life and who "you" became as a result (again, good or bad- it is *all* valuable), and grateful to the pattern that we identified as "ourself" when we shared a physical space with them. All of it has led to this very moment, and that is all we have. Have gratitude and love for this present moment.
Know that it's ok to feel pain. Often, we're taught that our ultimate goal is to be happy. We go to great lengths to avoid our negative emotions and force ourselves into a better state of mind. But how well does the really work? Those stored/suppressed emotions will eventually resurface, often in a much stronger and harder way to handle, or even manifest as illness or a difficult situation or traumatic event (often to force us to look at them). I don't believe that our highest purpose is to feel happy, but rather just to *feel* - and to feel all of it. After all, this is what makes happiness able to be fully and truly felt and appreciated.
Summary? We grieve not only the physical loss of someone, but also, the loss of who we were when we were with them. Love yourself enough to just feel all that arises, even when it's hard. *Especially* when it's hard.
****Please also note**** If you or someone you know are struggling with unwanted and overwhelming feelings and emotions, especially for those with mental health challenges, addiction, or suicidal thoughts, please seek support and help from a licensed medical professional, and reach out to a friend or family member that you feel safe talking to. You don't have to do it alone.
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