03/11/2025
the aftermath of birth trauma is so weird sometimes.
the 2nd anniversary of my assault came & went silently. I didn’t wake up in a panic, I didn’t feel claustrophobic, I didn’t spend the day having panic attacks.
but the anniversary of reporting my assault? it’s been the exact opposite. I’ve spent the last twenty four hours feeling helpless & out of control, overwhelmed & lost. I vividly remember having to recount the events of my night at the ER three times, to three separate people - all who downplayed what happened to me or tried to justify the events by saying “well at least they saved your baby!” - as if that justifies assault. lack of consent. abuse of care. && knowing that my baby, two years ago, was still safely inside my uterus? that’s the kicker. because nothing that was done to me was to “save” Noah - he was perfectly safe. In fact, he didn’t even decide to show up until a full 30 days after that night in the ER.
1 in 3 people report feeling traumatized by their birth experience.
45% of people report some level of birth trauma during their care, labor and/or birth.
The effects of birth trauma can continue LONG after your birth, and can have lasting effects on your health.
Instead of thinking about how I’ll have a two year old in a week, I’m reliving my assault, the re-traumatization of reporting, and the further mental attack of knowing nothing was ever done to the healthcare workers who facilitated my assault.
Birth shouldn’t be this way. Becoming a mother, having a child - it shouldn’t result in this.
I’m proud of myself for seeking therapy, for finding light in the dark, for fueling my rage & passion into birthwork. For wanting to change the system. But today I’m sad, and that’s okay, too. 💛
