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Earth & Grace Co., Fullerton, CA (2026)

06/20/2021

I remember how quickly Josh won my dad over.

I remember how quickly he befriended him.

I remember the first time meeting his dad and thinking “woah! They look so much alike.”

I remember how many times dad would smile at Josh as they talked about techy stuff while the rest of us were clueless.

I remember how many times my father-in-law and Josh would talk about audio stuff while the rest of us were clueless.

I remember Josh wanting to make steak for them all the time.

I remember Josh saying “Tony will like that” to many things.

I remember Josh saying so many outrageous and silly things all the time, making my father-in-law laugh often.

I remember them listening to Josh as he went on his keto tantrums.

I remember them going on bike rides together as they found a new passion.

I remember their excitement when Josh and I got engaged.

I remember when they talked about grandchildren and the joy that it would bring.

I remember dad walking me down the aisle and my father-in-law calling me daughter for the first time.

I remember visiting with both of them right smack in the middle of our honeymoon just cause we didn’t get to spend at much time with them at the wedding as we wanted to.

And I also remember dads voice when he called me to tell me that me saw my husband get hit by a car.

I remember calling my father-in-law to let him know and how quickly that call would change our lives.

I remember their faces as we were in disbelief at the hospital with what has been our darkest hour.

And I remember the presence of Our Father, and never leaving us since...

Today is a tough one.

Pa,
Dad,

Josh and I love you so very much.

“The Kingdom of Heaven is near.
You should come.”
Joshua Ryan Pumphrey

M A R A N A T H A

05/13/2021

On a lighter note...

So grateful for the opportunity to have been able to work with the amazing 🤍
Her work is just simply lovely.

Planning & Photo:
Dress:
Floral: .co
HUMA@
Invitations:
Model:
Shoes:
Vow Books:
Ribbon:

05/09/2021

It’s a bit different this year.
Mother’s Day has taken on a completely different perspective for us.

These women are radiant. I have seen them walk through the most painful situation and still be mothers.

I honor them.
I respect them.
I love them.

I think of Mary, the mother of Jesus. What emotional roller coaster she must have gone through. To be given the son of God to care for only to watch him die and be hung on display for all to see. And yet she had to bear that pain that many didn’t. Not only the pain of watching her savior die but of her child. But don’t worry... He’s alive ;)

I wish this Mother’s Day looked different. I wish our moms could enjoy all their children , I wish I could be the mother of Josh’s kids, I wish we could all spend this day together.

And yet somehow, I’m expecting God to show up big for us today. With tender love.

For all you mamas that have lost, can’t conceive, or whatever your situation may be, know that our Heavenly Father has called you blessed today. You will be comforted.

Oh Pumphrey, Id do anything to have you near us. I love you, husband.

“The Kingdom of Heaven is near. You should come!”
Joshua Ryan Pumphrey

M A R A N A T H A

04/23/2021

Another month.
5 months without my best friend.

“This is so dumb, God”

“Papa, tell him I miss him”
(I call God Papa.)

“Really? This?”

“I wish I could tell him”

“Was I not enough?”

“Just make him come back”

“But Papa, he’s my promise”

“Help me to move on... I mean move forward...”

“Papa, I don’t even know what I need.”

“Papa, tell him I love him.

“Papa, I’m lonely. “

“Did I miss it?”

“He’s suppose to be here!”

“Papa, please speak to me.”

“What now?”

“Does he even think of me?”

“I don’t get this. This so stupid”

“Was this my fault?”

“Papa, he was worth it.”

“Papa, why him?”

“Can you just take me in my sleep?”

“I don’t get it”

“Lord, I surrender.”

“Papa, I want him back.

“Does he even miss me?”

“God, I’ll give him to you. I mean I can’t change anything.”

“I’ll still follow You”

“Tell him I’m still in love with him”

“I just don’t want to think about it right now.”

“I’m so tired of this”

“Oh, Pumphrey”

“I’ll do it for you, Lord”

“I guess we did say we wanted to be used for the Kingdom of God”

“I want to go home”

“Ya me voy”

“Remember when Josh and I went there...”

“I miss...”

“Papa, this really hurts”

“Pumphrey, you crazy beautiful man”

“Okay, I give up”

“I want to marry him again.”

“Ok but you knew this was going to happen?”

“How near is near?”

“I don’t like this. I don’t want this.”

“Should I keep my ring on?”

“I’m need a drink.”

“Really?”

“I’m going to Macallans”

“I just don’t fit in anywhere I go”

“Please tell him that I miss him and love him again, and again... and again”

“I’m not God. You’re God.”

“Help me to trust You.”

5 months.
Welcome to a day in my life...
thoughts and emotions race but talking to Jesus has become my constant.

Joshua, what I would do for 5 more mins with you.
You crazy man, I miss you.
You beautiful husband, I love you.

“The Kingdom of Heaven is near. You should come!”
Joshua Ryan Pumphrey

M A R A N A T H A

04/06/2021

I started feeling the heaviness last night. I was reminded that today would have been 5 months of marriage. That’s a number that doesn’t seem like much to many but they mean a lot to me.

I pulled out his wedding suit and wept this morning. See, I never even got to tell him “happy one month anniversary”, nevertheless 5 months. Sometimes I feel like the anniversary of his passing is more “in my face” than our wedding. Because...
Daily I’m living his absence.
Daily I’m surviving without him.

So today, I’m expecting to feel a bit lonelier and a bit emptier, and a ton more heartbroken. I’ll probably have super puffy eyes all day (which just hasn’t stopped) and wish my sweet husband was here. I’ll toast to him with my glass of JOSH wine, because it’s what we would have done anyways. Gosh, I sound so emo...

But don’t yalls worry, I can trust that my Jesus will meet me there again.

Sweet Joshua, there’s not a moment you’re not on my mind. You, my love, I long to be with. Until we meet again 🍷

“The Kingdom of Heaven is near. You should come!” JP

M A R A N A T H A

02/23/2021

MONTH THREE.

It’s crazy how much joy one person can bring you.

When I asked God for a spouse, I knew I wanted a husband who for one, lived for God and was after Gods heart. Two: that was white (shallow, I know.) Three: that loved music and worshiping God. And more specifically that would worship God with his whole heart. Four: that was my best friend (this one was extremely important). And Five: that had a good butt.

Josh met all of these. And actually he exceeded in all of them. I found myself head over heels immediately! And he only continued to prove himself more and more.

Three months ago today, I watched my beautiful husband, (the one that was my absolute delight), fade away to be with Jesus. Not at all what I expected. Not at all what I planned for. I watched as his physical body laid lifeless. It was a disappointment. It was painful. It was terrifying.

Although I don’t understand my life and why my Joshua isn’t here, I do know that this is a sacrifice. I’m finding I’m having to give up my finest of finest of oils for the Kingdom of God. I don’t like it, but this will be used. It is not wasted. It is not in vain.

Walking with God and living a life for Jesus is not all a fairly tale. Following every single guideline and verse doesn’t always lead to a perfect life. That is not life. That’s more the movie “The Truman Show”. But I’m having to continually surrender everything daily. I’m looking forward seeing my husband. And Im so thankful that Jesus made a way for that to be possible.

Joshua, you’re such a dream. You’re my perfect husband. We’re one day closer baby. Let’s own a farm together in heaven, yeah?

“The Kingdom of Heaven is near. You should come!”
Joshua Ryan Pumphrey

M A R A N A T H A

01/29/2021

I’m surrounded, yet I’m lonely.
I’m told I’m strong, yet I feel weak.
I’m loved, yet there’s a huge hole in my heart.
I’m told there’s a plan, yet I’m lost.

I wish I could tell you that I understand what’s going on in my world, but I don’t. I wish I could tell you that I’m hopeful all the time, but the truth is my world feels shattered.
This walk is painful.
This walk is dark.
This walk has me questioning. This walk is testing me.

Why this, Lord? Why, that Lord?
My “whys” are many.

And still, in the middle of this valley, God seems to let me be. He let’s me feel. And then He reminds me of what Jesus did on the cross for us. How He too felt. How He also for a second asked for a different cup to bear. But He understood the sacrifice and knew what the reward would be. The reward was me. The reward was Josh. The reward is YOU.

So I lean in, and I say “Yes” once again to Our Sweet Savior. I say yes to another day of this. I say, “Not my will but Yours be done.”

Josh, you haven’t left my sight. I love you beyond measure. We’re one day closer.

“The Kingdom of Heaven is near. You should come!” JP

M A R A N A T H A

01/17/2021

Our wedding rings.

This pictures speaks a million words to me. It is one that speaks of covenant, friendship, commitment, patience, endurance, joy, honor, respect, humility, surrender, loyalty, perseverance, dreams, choice, submission, passion, embrace, companionship, and ultimately Love.

I found this definition on wedding rings online:

“The ring is an emblem of companionship through time, a symbol of devotion and an agreement between parties. The tradition and symbolism of the ring is as strong today as it has ever been. ... A circle has no beginning or end and is therefore a symbol of infinity. It is endless, eternal, just the way commitment should be.”

When Josh and I talked about marriage, we asked each other some serious questions. Would we stay in the marriage during the worst possible situation, even infidelity? Both of our responses were, “Divorce is not an option.” We committed through thick or thin, through whatever life faced us with- we were a team. We were going to endure together. Forever.

Proverbs 31: 11-12 says, “Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.” Notice it says all the days of HER life. Not just his.
‭‭
So today, although he is not here in the physical, I stay true to my vow and my exchange. I will honor my Sweet Joshua for all the days of MY life. I will speak well of him. I will make his name known from now until I see him once again. Our exchange will be honored. I will be the Proverbs 31 wife that I committed I would be.

How I wish we could live out more of our earthly lives together. My sweet Joshua, Thank you for choosing me to become one with you. I wouldn’t trade it for that world.
Jesus, simply thank you for being gracious with me. You are the way.

“The Kingdom of Heaven is near. You should come!” JP
M A R A N A T H A

01/04/2021

Grief has not stopped being intense. I have found myself in some super dark moments where I literally can’t breathe. My longing for this man is unexplainable and extremely profound.

Joshua took my breathe away the first time I met him. He is just way too good looking for the nerd that he really is. And throughout the years, my obsession with this man only grew deeper and larger. When we got married he said to me “I knew you were obsessed with me, but not this obsessed.” And then he blushed and chuckled with that silly laugh of his. Truth is, God gave me the biggest love for him. One that was willing to put up with his imperfections and see past them to see the gem that he really is. God would always whisper in my ear, “He’s worth it”, and I took it and ran with it. And I got see Joshua truly transform and become more like Christ throughout the years. He continually amazes me, even still.

Oh my sweet Joshua, you have been so worth it. I can only imagine, if I am this obsessed and this in love with the imperfect you, how much greater will my emotions , thoughts, senses, and everything that I am be towards you now that you’re PERFECT in the presence of our God. You better believe that when I see you, I’ll jump straight into your arms, (maybe punch you first for taking off too soon), and tell you “You were worth it, Baby. You were worth it.” I’m so proud to still be your wife. I’m so proud to be a Pumphrey for the rest of my life here on earth and in heaven.

Friends, I charge you to love one another. Love your family, love your spouse, love your friends, love your enemies. Yes, even your enemies. Simply love. Tomorrow is never promised. Let’s be the glorious church and the glorious people we were created to be. Let’s put aside childish ways and be a church that truly is after the heart of God. L O V E !

“The Kingdom of Heaven is near. You should come!” JP

M A R A N A T H A .

12/29/2020

Learning to breathe without having Josh here has been so difficult. Never in a million years would either one of us imagine this. We were happy to go into 2021 together.

But oddly enough, I’m having such a tough time letting go of 2020 now. This year was odd but Josh and I made the best of it. It’s hard moving on from the year that was so full of memories with him. In a way I feel like I’m leaving him behind. I’ve been so nervous and scared of forgetting him. As crappy as this year has ended for me (and I’m not going sugar coat it, it’s my biggest nightmare), I want to stay as near as I can to the thought of him. But no. Time keeps going. The clock keeps ticking.

So, as this year is coming to an end and my husband isn’t here, I have to consciously remind myself that the further in time I get from this year and this point, the closer I get to see him again.

And here’s also something else I’ve been reassured by those that have gone through something similar... YOU NEVER FORGET THEM! And plus, Josh truly is unforgettable. So in the mean time, I’ll write him letters and I’ll sing him love songs and hope that God passes on the messages.

Side note: I haven’t kept up with news or know much of what is going on around the world, but I want you to know, that Jesus loves you. Life here on this side of earth is imperfect, but there is a Hope. And I’m personally experiencing and learning more about that hope on a daily bases. Josh and I love you.

Joshua, you’re beautiful and truly the perfect husband for me. You are my passion. Erès el
A M O R d e m i s A M O R E S.
Love you, baby.

“The Kingdom of Heaven is Near. You should come. “ JP

M A R A N A T H A.

12/23/2020

Today marks one month.

A month of pain.
A month of tears.
A month of questioning.
A month of fear.
A month of confusion.
A month of sorrow.
A month of disappointment.
A month of mourning.
A month of anxiety.
A month of panic.
A month of grief.
A month without my love.

It has been the darkest month of my life. And as a try to breathe in and remember all the precious days from the past, I get filled with so much longing to be with the one man I adored the most.

But then I’m reminded...
Josh isn’t dead. Josh is more alive than ever. He’s fully alive in the presence of our Savior. Though he may not be here physically, there is the hope of heaven. And let me tell you, I KNOW JOSH IS IN HEAVEN! He made it! We were never made to stay here on this earth. We were created to be whole with Jesus who conquered death. So I say...

“O death, where is your sting?
O death, Where is your victory?”

My sweet Joshua, I miss and am still so in love with you. I’m counting down the days to when I get to see you again.

“For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.”

“The Kingdom of Heaven is near. You should come.” JP

M A R A N A T H A.

12/14/2020

I wonder what it’s like to be face to face with our Creator.

I wonder what it’s like to feel fully alive in the presence of our Savior.

I wonder who and what Josh has seen that is undeniably glorious.

I wonder what stories he’ll tell me when I arrive.

I wonder what it’s like worshiping the King of Kings in heaven.

I wonder what new instruments he’s learned that have never been seen here on earth.

I wonder what songs he has written as he stares in the eyes of The Almighty.

I wonder.

Can’t wait to meet again, baby.

“The Kingdom of Heaven is near. You should come”

Earth & Grace Co.

06/20/2021

05/13/2021

05/09/2021

04/23/2021

04/06/2021

02/23/2021

01/29/2021

01/17/2021

01/04/2021

12/29/2020

12/23/2020

12/14/2020

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