03/19/2026
Ever have ONE OF THOSE DAYS?
This morning started like one of those “did I actually complete all the human tasks required to leave the house?” kind of days.
Deodorant? Questionable.
Dignity? Also questionable, but for the record, yes, I did wear deodorant. We’re calling that a win.
Also, I looked cute - like, actually cute. Pretty black dress. Feeling put together. Feeling like maybe I had my life together for at least a few hours.
I made it through the morning like a functioning adult. Emails sent. Words written. Life handled. Then came lunch where I decided—brace yourselves—I was going to be brave and sit in the cafeteria like a normal, socially adjusted human instead of hiding at my desk like a goblin.
And this, friends, is where the universe said:
“Absolutely not! Not today, ma’am!”
I’m standing there talking to my boss, waiting on my wrap, having a solid, respectable moment, and then my earbud (my personal villain origin story) falls out.
No big deal, right? WRONG! I bend down to pick it up and suddenly my brain goes full sports commentator: “She’s going down. Oh… oh yes… she is DEFINITELY going down!"
And reader, I went down.
Not gracefully. Not forward like a normal person. No. I fell backwards like a fainting Victorian woman in a very cute black dress that did not deserve that level of chaos.
I was somehow both aware and not aware at the same time.
Highlights include:
- Tailbone meeting tile floor with aggressive enthusiasm
- Head hitting floor (10/10 would not recommend)
- Biting my tongue because apparently we needed extra drama
And then, there was silence.
That horrifying, slow-motion realization: “I have just hit the floor. In public. In front of my boss. In front of coworkers. In front of … witnesses.”
I was shaking. People started approaching - a janitor running at a full sprint, a kind woman from behind, and possibly a rescue team forming.
And what did I do? Did I accept help?Did I stay calm?
No.
I said “I’m fine,” grabbed my lunch like a feral raccoon, forgot my napkin AND water, and fled the scene back to the 19th floor, which is also known as The Tower of Emotional Recovery.
At that point it became clear, I was not in fact fine.
Head: pounding
Tongue: bleeding
Butt: deeply offended
Dress: still cute, but now part of the story
Ego: deceased
So I went home. Not because I fell, but because I fell in front of people. Let’s be honest.
Also, to my friends who immediately asked,
“Did you eat today?” First of all, I feel seen. Attacked, but seen. 😂
For the record:
30g protein (collagen water)
15g protein (Greek yogurt, because we are trying)
AND a turkey wrap on a spinach tortilla at 3:30 like the survivor I am.
So yes, I technically ate.
Moral of the story: I set out to be brave and eat lunch in public in a very cute black dress
and instead I performed a live-action trust fall with the floor.
Growth looks different every day!
