06/02/2026
I told myself I wasnโt going to fall into the scanxiety this time but here we are. Just like clockwork my body tenses up. My mind starts to flood. My eyes filling up with tears. I can feel the days counting down. The reality creeping up on me.
The past three months have been so blissful. We have had nothing but pure joy. Lilah has been thriving. So it only makes sense that it will all come crashing to a halt.
Yes I know these thoughts are nothing but anxiety. Doesnโt mean they are easily silenced. You wonโt tell me anything I donโt already know. I am a follower of Christ. I pray. I know. But I am also human and itโs not so easy to just โshut offโ your anxiety. Especially when youโve been anticipating your childโs death for over a year. We are hopeful Lilah is a long term survivor. But doesnโt leave us anymore scared on the journey to get there.
