29/03/2025
Let’s talk about how to be okay when you’re not okay.
Being simultaneously okay and not-okay is an oxymoron — a figure of speech in which apparently contradictory terms appear in conjunction.
The clue to their coexistence?
That word: apparently.
It points to the possibility that what seems impossible might only appear that way — depending on how you’re looking. And if you shift the way you look, a new possibility emerges.
What if there’s a way of being — a steady, underlying sense of peace — that can hold you, even when life feels absolutely and undeniably out of control?
What if ...
This state of ease doesn’t bypass emotional, physical, or mental suffering?
This peace can hold both joy and grief — allowing you to fully experience breathtaking beauty while also metabolizing devastating heartbreak and loss?
Both ancient wisdom and modern science point to ways of accessing it?
What if life is out of control — but our response to it doesn’t have to be?
If this feels possible, or even just hopeful, but you’re unsure how you'd ever get there, you’re in the right place. Your skepticism is welcome.
So stay with me. This post is a bit longer than usual —maybe make yourself a cup of tea. It might just be worth your quiet attention. Because in a world unraveling at the seams, being able to access this deeper place of ease may not be a luxury. It may be a lifeline.
How to access it?
I won’t promise five easy steps.
Nope.
There’s no hack.
But there is a path. And it’s trustworthy — especially when taken one step at a time.
It also becomes easier as you learn to trust your way.
It begins with knowing thy self — understanding how your mind works, how your body functions, and how your awareness can expand beyond familiar habits of perception.
It deepens with supportive assistance — a guide, a framework, a community. And it unfolds when you give it the time and attention it deserves.
Please, don’t rush. Yes, there’s urgency in the world. But rushing often creates the very waste of time we’re trying to avoid.
Instead, consciously step in.
Stay steady.
Stay curious.
You see, once you believe there is a there there, the key to sustainably living from that peace is discerning what truly works for you — both to arrive there and to remain.
Here are three basic elements to include in your process:
1. Cultivate an understanding of what I’m talking about. Use your brain’s cognitive capacities to comprehend and strategize — while also investigating its own learned beliefs.
2. Cultivate an embodied experience of your nervous system’s regulation capabilities as well as your body's organic ability to respond to internal and external stimuli — while also investigating its acquired habits.
3. Cultivate an awareness that is acutely attentive to noticing and effortlessly tracking your life within a whole that includes others, planet, and cosmos — while also investigating your weak or untapped modes of perception.
The journey usually begins with a pause — a recognition of a call for change — followed by your willingness to step in: to reflect and consider, to explore and wonder... about your life. About life itself.
Any anxiety, depression, disorientation, or general feelings of being out of sync with your purpose or the meaning of your life … are all welcome.
So, what might I offer as a next step?
Maybe take an initial inventory of the three elements and identify which one you’re drawn to explore first. Begin there, as you allow the other elements to rest in the background of your considerations.
Find your pace as you weave your wondering into your day-to-day choices and behaviors. Consider what you’re reading, listening to, and who you’re spending time with. Begin to let go of choices that no longer serve you and integrate the ones you’re ready to take on with sincerity.
Your process can be accelerated through having a trustworthy guide. This choice, too, is a very personal one. There is no one-size-fits-all for this sort of transformation. Nor is there one messiah that can save us all. So, do your due diligence.
When — not if — you stumble, stand up.
Brush yourself off.
Take another step.
There will be fumbles and tumbles. It’s the way of things.
Though some say there are no mistakes and the universe is always giving us lessons, I prefer not to view the Universe as a schoolmaster, rewarding and punishing me for my good and bad behavior. That view reeks of the warped monotheistic and oppressive patriarchal frameworks I intentionally let go of years ago.
I prefer to view life as one giant art project. And good art is made from plenty of “bad” art. All of it belongs. And much of it can be fun.
Most importantly ...
Though the path to living from ease is itself a path of artistry, the ongoing blossoming of one's life takes on new depth and intensity when expressed from within this bubble of peace I’m speaking of.
So let’s root ourselves — and each other — in this presence. Let’s make our lives into art. Let’s enjoy our lives, before they end.
To make it all real ...
This post was born this morning, when I woke up feeling very not-okay. Troubled by the world. A bit lost in the swirl of “what now?” — both in my life, and my day.
So ...
Instead of fixing my feelings or pushing them away, I made art from them.
I turned to what works for me — what helps me remember, return to, and rest in the okayness beneath/beside/within the not-okayness.
I read and contemplated a poem (attached). I sat in meditation. I made my bed. I went for a walk. I brewed a hot cup of Earl Grey tea with cream and wrote this love letter to you.
All the while, something in me softened. That inner presence began to move to the foreground. And the not-okayness? It receded just enough for me to find my footing again.
This is the artistry I speak of.
This place of ease is real.
It won’t fix everything. It may not fix anything.
But it will give you the clarity and courage to meet what’s here.
And from there… who knows?
The world — your life — just might begin to right itself.
