I'm an angel mummy and proud

12/30/2023

09/04/2023

"I'll lend you for a little while A child of mine" God said - For you to love the while he lives and mourn for when he's dead. It may be six or seven years or forty two or three but will you, till I call him back, take care of him for me? He'll bring his charms to gladden you and, should his stay be brief, you'll have his nicest memories as solace for his grief. I cannot promise he will stay, since all from earth return but, there are lessons taught below, I want this child to learn. I've looked the whole world over, in my search for teachers true, and from the things that crowd life's lane I have chosen you. Now will you give him all your love, nor think the labour vain, nor hate me when I come to take this lent child back again? I fancied that I heard them say, "Dear Lord Thy Will Be Done" for all the joys thy child will bring the risk of grief we'll run. We'll shelter him with tenderness, we'll love him while we may, and for the happiness we've known forever grateful stay. But, should thy Angels call for him much sooner than we planned, we'll brave the grief that comes and try to understand.

Fdgar L. Guest

12/25/2022

https://www.sands.org.uk/node/18

The Sands National Helpline provides a safe, confidential place for anyone who has been affected by the death of a baby. Whether your baby died long ago or recently, we are here for you.

12/25/2022

Please see U.K. helpline numbers below

10/19/2022

Through my eyes!

In the playground:
People whispering, nudging, not meaning to be heard. “There she is, the woman that lost 3 babies. Shhh don’t say a word”. People look uncomfortable as I pass them by. I don’t say anything but I’m so desperate to ask why?

In the street:
Neighbours curtains twitch, though they stay out of sight. Can’t speak, she’ll probably cry. Yes, she might! Better not approach, don’t know what to say. If she thinks I haven’t seen her, she might just go away.

Toddler groups:
Mothers sn**ch up their babies, as if I have the plague. Sorry can’t speak today, sorry to be vague. I wonder if they mean for their actions to hurt. I’m sure that they don’t, but just a few kind words?

Doctors:
Eyes roll, oh not her again. She’s always here but I can’t ease her pain. I’ll hand her some tissues, nod in the right place. Prescribe some antidepressants, refer her some place.

My husband and children:
I look at their faces, what do I see? I see them suffering and hurting, just like me. I Try not to cry out as I witness their pain. I hope they can forgive me for failing yet again.

Old friends:
They look a bit awkward, don’t visit anymore. Unsure and uncertain, they don’t knock on my door. A card through the letterbox, surely that’s enough? Not comfortable with baby loss and that kind of stuff.

Family members:
Pull your socks up, there’s others worse off. Some worse off than me? I stifle a cough. Their words pierce my heart, like a carefully sharpened knife. When they look at me, they don’t envy my life.

Closest friends:
They hug me and hold me, whilst I start to weep. They tell me they’re sorry as they kiss my cheek. They let me know how much my babies are loved. Now nothing else matters, I can cope with all the above.

This is the world as I see it, through my grieving tears. It’s not a new feeling, it’s been happening for years. But as I think of my babies my heart feels with love. My special little angels, in Heaven above ❤️

By Christie Wildman (written while the grief was still raw)!

10/15/2022

10/15/2022

To all of the women who have left the hospital broken hearted without your baby in your arms…

To all of you that have cried yourself to sleep for nights on end after wearing your brave face everyday…

To everyone who has heard the words ‘I’m sorry there is no heartbeat’

To all of you who silently watch on in agony as friends & loved ones babies are carried and born.

To every single one of you who has been met with ‘at least it…’

To the ones who one minute was excitedly planning your babies arrival then to be told they won’t survive…

To each of you who’s endured life saving surgery after your precious baby grew in the wrong place…

To those who experience a natural loss & birthed alone terrified…

To those who silently remember your due dates whilst the world carries on… 💔

To everyone of you that loss keeps happening to & with each loss a deep seated fear that now resides inside of you.

To the partners holding us up silently grieving alongside us with no one holding them up.

To those who don’t get cute baby pics to cherish instead just a grainy ultrasound or just two blue lines…

To each of you who feel silenced by societies lack of empathy & understanding around baby loss.

The ones who can’t find the words to describe the unbearable, the unnatural.

To all of the women who feel betrayed by their bodies.

To those brave enough to try again after loss terrified of falling pregnant & terrified of not.

To every woman enduring the persistent anxiety of pregnancy after loss, the fear of another loss robbing you of the innocent joy of pregnancy.

To those who lost their precious embryos they fought so hard for…

We are the ones that will forever carry a baby gone too soon in our hearts. We are the ones that have to walk two lives one before & one after, a life of ‘what if’s’ & ‘they would be’s’ that we silently endure.

You do not deserve to be silenced
Your baby existed
Your experience mattered
You deserved so much more

Together we stand tonight at 7 pm
Together we light a candle and remember our babies gone too soon.

10/04/2022

Unspoken

Unspoken is the hurt and devastation felt every day in your heart
Unspoken is the overwhelming loneliness felt when people say they'll call round but don't
Unspoken is the awkwardness when people don't know what to say
Unspoken is the hurt felt when someone questions why you are not over it by now
Unspoken is the fear of leaving the house for the first time
Unspoken is the anxiety you feel when a close friend is pregnant, knowing all too well that things can change in an instant
Unspoken is being too afraid to hold a newborn incase your heart may break all over again
Unspoken is the devastation of having maternity leave without your baby
Unspoken is the physical pain felt as you pack away the nursery
Unspoken is the pride you feel at holding your baby
Unspoken is the devastation felt at knowing your friends will never meet your child
Unspoken is feeling so numb when you leave the hospital without your baby
Unspoken is the speech you cannot deliver at the funeral because you think you may actually die of a broken heart
Unspoken are the words you want to say to your husband, because you are so proud of him for carrying your baby's coffin, but you just can't

When a baby dies so much is left unspoken
Baby loss deserves a voice, don't let it continue to be taboo!

10/02/2022

I AM the face of babyloss
I AM the 1 in 4 of women who have lost a baby
I AM the lady you sat next to on the bus
I AM the doctor you saw for your blood test
I AM the teacher you leave your child with each morning
I AM the latest diva to have a top ten hit
I AM a high flyer in parliament
I AM a popular actress
I AM one of the richest women in my country

Babyloss does not discriminate. No-one is immune. Raise awareness by breaking the silence. TOGETHER we can make a difference!

05/03/2022

Our bereavement support book is available to anyone affected by pregnancy loss or the death of a baby and includes sections for partners, relatives, and friends 💙🧡

The book is available in 7 languages and can be downloaded from our website or ordered from our shop for free 👇

sands.org.uk/book

03/25/2022

No matter how or when your experienced your loss, you will always be a Mother.

Our Helpline is open this Sunday from 10am-12pm for anyone that needs us.

Visit our website for more resources and support 💙🧡

🔹 sands.org.uk/mothersday 🔹

02/23/2022

If you're tuning in to tonight's BBC Panorama, you might find the content upsetting.

We want you to know that we are here to support anyone affected by pregnancy loss or a death of a baby 💙🧡

Find out how we offer support 👇

sands.org.uk/support

02/18/2022

If you or someone you know is struggling to find the words, our Bereavement Support books are here to help. 📖

You can download them digitally or order a copy in the post, free of charge.💙🧡

Visit: sands.org.uk/book

12/29/2021

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/real-life-stories/boy-puts-teddy-bears-babies-25769804?utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=mirror_main&fbclid=IwAR1hgda1RlLG8OW3YxQ5PstCbvsAaV5HnpzP7VypO2d2cRO0j-DnlYFimWM

For the last seven years, Owen Osborne-Williams has been delivering specially wrapped gifts to the graves of babies who sadly died to make sure they have something at Christmas time

12/24/2021

https://www.sands.org.uk/support-you/how-we-offer-support/helpline

The Sands National Helpline provides a safe, confidential place for anyone who has been affected by the death of a baby. Whether your baby died long ago or recently, we are here for you.

12/21/2021

Christmas can be an extremely difficult time for anyone who has been affected by pregnancy loss or the death of a baby. With so much focus on family, children and socialising, those living with loss can feel even more isolated and alone in their grief.

Here at Sands we want each bereaved family feeling this way over the festive period to reach out to our Helpline support.

We are here for you 💙 You are not alone 🧡

Learn more and see opening times

🔹 sands.org.uk/helpline 🔹

12/08/2021

Dear Santa….

I look out of my window, at each snowflake that falls
I think about my Christmas list, it’s not that big at all
I have carefully chosen a present, and I hope that you agree
That this very special present, should be given from you to me
You see dear Santa, I only wish for what I deserve
And that gift is for my babies, to live upon this earth
I thought long and hard, before making this request
But dear Santa it’s all I long for, the present I’d like best
You can keep your woolly hats and scarves, and your perfume too
I have no need for chocolate, or flowers red, yellow, blue
I have no place for diamonds, or jewellery that sits in a box
I really don’t need that coat, and am definitely not lacking in socks
All I want are my babies, to hold upon my breast
Instead of feeling my heart break, as it beats within my chest
I want to hold their little hands, sing lullabies to help them sleep
I no longer wish to feel so numb, no longer want to weep
To be able to look at them and smile, now that would make my day
Please dear Santa, can you grant my wish in any way
I’ve hung my stocking by the fire, I left you a mince pie
Dear Santa leave my babies here, for I no longer want to cry
I’ll check my stocking when I wake, and shout out loud with glee
“Look everyone, look! Look what Santa left for me”
I’ll promise to be happy, make an effort for Christmas cheer
As long as you promise, that I’ll have no more tears
I know it’s difficult Santa, that it’s a hard request
But please dear Santa, promise to try your best

By Christie Wildman. Written in memory of Ashleigh, Shaylee and Austin

06/02/2021

Tell me little angel
Come whisper in my ear
Are you happy there in Heaven
Do you wish that you were here
Are you wrapped up close to God
Do you sit upon His knee
Does He tell you all about the earth
Does He tell you all about me
Do the angels tell you bedtime stories
Do they sing you lullabies
Do they rock you when you can't sleep
And wipe the tears from your eyes
Do you play some games with Jesus
Does He make sure you're having fun
Does He kiss your beautiful toes
Take you for picnics in the sun
And when it rains in Heaven
Do you have something to keep you dry
Are you always cosy and warm
No matter the weather in the sky
Are you fed when you are hungry
Are your needs being met
If all this is so
I should be happy, Yet
I miss you little angel
I find it hard to carry on
Sometimes I feel weak
When I know I should be strong
So forgive me little angel
If sometimes I shed a tear
I cannot help but miss you
Wish that you were here
But I know that you're looked after
With the Lord close by your side
And as I look toward the Heaven's
I feel a sense of pride
For God chose you my angel
To nurture and to grow
The most precious star in the sky
How we shimmer in your glow