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The Grief Specialist, Virtual Connection, Denver, CO (2026)

08/01/2024

Sunrise Reflections: How One Beach Run Opened Old Wounds and Brought New Joys

I never know when I will be triggered and will experience a grief wave. A few weeks ago, I was on vacation and had one of those moments.

It was my last day of vacation in a secluded resort with sprawling beaches. I wanted to top it off with an early morning run. I started before dawn, hoping to catch a stunning sunrise.

I ran past the resort property line and soon found my rhythm, watched the waves break out in the distance and listened to them ripple and lap on the beach. The ocean seemed like it was reaching out to me, that it wanted to touch me and take away my worries.

In the Dominican Republic, stray dogs are quite common. These dogs have to search for food, water and shelter. From my experience, they crave attention and are friendly.

Shortly into my run, one of these feral dogs came into my path. He was playful, had cute ears that perked up when I stopped to say hello and give him a good scratch. He looked like a German Shepard puppy. It was hard to resist paying attention to him. I resumed my run, and he joined me. He was a welcome companion and I named him Connor. Mind you now, my son who passed away name is Connor.

Connor and I quickly fell into step. Dawn was beginning to break, and I was anticipating a gorgeous sunrise.

Connor and I ran past a deserted building and from the palm trees came two more dogs. They were more interested in Connor than me. I stopped to welcome them, scratched their ears and started to run again. These two new dogs joined the running troop. The Scottish Terrier I named Wire. The black dog became Goat. His ears and face looked like a goat and his neck was long.

The three dogs played together and were soon in a literal dog pile. I loved watching them as it reminded me of how my dog and my daughter’s dog played together. This was an unexpected joyful experience on my run.

The four of us ran along the beach. I came to a place where the freshwater river from the mountains met the ocean. I decided this was a good turnaround point. It just so happened a fellow early-morning runner was going by. He offered to take my picture with the sunrise in the background. I returned the favor.

As I started my run back to the hotel, I realized that at some point the dogs would need to leave. They were not welcome on the resort property beach. I set myself up for us to part ways. By now, the dogs were lagging behind me. I would occasionally look over my shoulder to see if they were still with me. I told them all goodbye and thanks for the run because I didn’t know when they would be gone.

Connor was the first one to disappear. Metaphorically, his leaving played right into my life, since he is truly no longer with me. The next one to drop off was Wire, which surprised me. Somehow, I thought he would be the one in it for the long haul.

Goat was the last dog with me. I kept shooshing him to leave but he persisted. We came to the last and final small freshwater stream. I ran through it, but Goat stopped. He yelped and I turned around. He was hesitant to go through the water. I thought good! He would turn around. The idea of being unwelcome and shouted at by the resort employees was foremost in my mind. To my dismay and astonishment, he bounded through the water and joined me at my side.

By this time, we were very close to the resort. I waved my hands at him and told him no. You are not welcome! Go home! Go away! It didn’t make a difference. I crossed onto the resort beach and immediately the workers started shouting and screaming at Goat.

At this point I couldn’t look back. Inside my heart was broken.
This poor innocent dog wanted some loving, true companionship and needed some food and water. For a short time, I was able to provide love and connection. I was helpless when it came to food and water. I cried from the beach until I got to my room. I love dogs and Goat and I bonded. My sadness became greater as I thought of my son Connor. He too loved dogs and I know he would have figured out some way to help Goat. I felt like I let my son down.

The time I had with Goat will be a forever memory. The random picture taken by a stranger on a deserted beach includes me, a stunning sunrise and Goat!

06/06/2024

Choosing Recovery: Letting Go of Grief to Live Fully

The death of a loved one can cause deep hurt and grief. Where does one turn for help? One may choose to attend local support groups, meet personally with a professional or talk to a close group of friends. In today’s modern age, additional options include social media support groups.

Personally, I have participated in several of these modalities. At the encouragement of close friends, I attended a few meetings of a nationally known grief support group. From the first meeting, I didn’t feel that I fit in. I was the only person who lost a child – by su***de – none the less. Others had lost spouses, and their losses were much longer than mine. We watched a video then had circle time.

Read the entire article here, https://www.thegriefspecialist.com/choosing-recovery-letting-go-of-grief-to-live-fully/

05/24/2024

Live Well Part VI
Coping with Financial Stress:
Strategies for Improving Your Financial Wellbeing

I recently sat across the table from a young lady who at only 19 years old, felt hopeless that she would be able to retire. Her parents in their late 50’s and early 60’s was doubtful that they would retire. They expected to work until the day they died. She said it was all political and she would never save enough money to enjoy life. My generation is in trouble, she said with a big sigh.

Her outlook about retirement made me quite sad. The fact that she believed she would never have enough money to retire raised questions regarding the financial future of Millennials (born between 1981 and 1996) and Generation Z-ers (born between 1997 and 2012). At her young age, she was already experiencing financial stress.

What is Financial Stress

Financial stress is the tension and anxiety that comes from financial uncertainty or difficulty combined with the fear of not having enough money to pay bills and put food on the table.
Financial stress comes from unpaid debt, unemployment/underemployment, economic difficulties and increased financial responsibilities. Additional stressors are unexpected expenses, lack of an emergency fund, limited savings, and a pessimistic outlook on financial security in retirement.
Financial stress can occur at any age, with any gender and is found across the world.

Symptoms of Financial Stress

Financial stress can impact four areas of health: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. It is important to understand the signs and symptoms so you can take corrective action to improve your financial wellbeing.

• Changes in appetite: Either increased or decreased eating habits
• Difficulty sleeping: Poor sleep that impacts which in turn impacts decisions making
• Anxiety: Worrying about finances
• Depression: Hopelessness or helplessness over money
• Physical illness: Body aches and pain, headaches, nausea
• Lack of self-care: In stressful times, self-care can fall to the bottom of the priority list.
• Social isolation: Because of shame and embarrassment you stop seeing friends and family
• Anger: At everything and anything

Grief and Financial Stress

Many times, the death of a loved one financially impacts those left behind. Their passing may leave the family without a primary breadwinner, or the cost of a funeral may set the family back financially. Outstanding debts, and legal issues can quickly escalate, creating an unexpected financial burden.

This adds to the already emotional journey. Coping with grief is daunting and when it is coupled with financial worries, it becomes even more challenging. Working with a specialist in grief will help you better understand the emotional aspects of your loss and the stress that it brings. A good specialist will address all areas of your life, including financial wellbeing.

How to Deal with Financial Stress

1. Gain a full understanding of your financial picture. Some people call this keeping track of your money, others call it a financial inventory to avoid the use of the word budget. They say that the word budget is too restrictive. I use the word budget because you decide, in advance, where you spend your money and how much you spend on each particular item. Budgets can be freeing because you can see where excess money is being spent so cutbacks can be made, funds reallocated, and money saved.

2. Set financial goals. If you truly want to get out of debt, set a goal for when you want to be debt free.

3. Cut up credit cards. Stop using them. Interest rates on credit cards range from 18% to 25% or more. For every 100 dollars remaining on your balance, 25 dollars are added to your balance. Consider opening a new credit card that has a balance transfer with zero percent interest. Transfer your balance and do not use the card for any new purchases. The goal is to pay off the balance.

4. Practice stress management with exercise, deep breathing. Participate in activities that help you rest and relax that don’t cost money. Read, walk, or invest your time into hobbies.

5. Review your progress on a regular basis. Update your budget to see if you are on track, at least weekly.

6. Educate yourself on financial wellbeing by attending free classes, books, non-profit organizations, and videos. There is a plethora of resources available.

7. Work with a professional to help guide and direct you. They are experts in their field.

8. Avoid unhealthy coping mechanisms. Stay away from substances or behaviors that temporarily relieve stress but cause long-term harm.

9. Plan for the long term. Every chance that you get, set aside money for retirement. Contribute to your company 401K plan or whatever retirement plan they offer. Start early, start young. Remember that your investments compound and grow bigger the earlier you invest.

Back to the young lady and her dismal outlook on retirement. Once we discussed that retirement is within her reach by keeping out of debt, saving, and putting money into retirement funds, she felt more optimistic about being able to retire and enjoy life in her later years.

Financial stability is one piece of living well. Reach out to me to learn more about living well.

05/17/2024

The Impact of Cancer:
My Personal Journey and Commitment to Prevention

Frequently I see bumper stickers that say, “Cancer Sucks”. Something else I have heard is “Victim of Cancer”. Just today on the back window of a pickup truck I saw “F**K Cancer” written in bright bold letters.

I understand these feelings because I’ve had three family members die from cancer. My dad was taken at 69, my sister at 53 and mom at 84 years old. Yes, cancer sucks. It sucks the living daylights out of you. It sucks the energy from those who support you. Cancer is non-discriminatory. It takes the young, old, white, black, Latin, Hispanic, rich, poor, men, women, and children.

There are so many types of cancer that all of them can’t be named here. Over 200 different types have been identified. The most common are breast, lung (Mom and my sister), prostate, colon (Dad), and skin.

Dad was the first one to pass away. His colon cancer spread to his spine, and he suffered immensely. He left my siblings, my mom, and his grandchildren. My youngest daughter was only 2 years old, and she didn’t have the opportunity to know her grandpa. My other two kids barely remember him.

My sister went next. Her cancer was diagnosed after she found lung cancer that metastasized to her brain. In a matter of 8 months, she was gone. She left behind her daughter at only 35 years old and her best friend – me!

Mom had multiple comorbidities. Comorbidity means having more than one medical condition at the same time. She had so many that it was difficult to identify what she really died from. However, lung cancer was one of them and that is what is listed on her death certificate as cause of death.

It strikes me to the deepest core of my existence that three of my family members died from cancer. This fact has caused me to stop and take a hard look at my life. I am bound and determined, God willing, not to go that way. I tell my kids I would rather be struck by lightning on a mountain top while hiking or hit by a bus riding my bike. I don’t want a long, painful, prolonged end of life season.

I ask myself what can I do to prevent cancer, live longer and better?

According to Peter Attia, in his recent book, Outlive, The Science & Art of Longevity, the top four causes of death are heart attack, cancer, dementia and diabetes. Imagine that. Cancer is in the top four. He focuses on innovative interventions for nutrition, exercise, sleep, emotional and mental health.

It is good to have supporting evidence of my personal belief that there are four pillars to living a long, productive, joy filled life. These four pillars are physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health.
I have a confession to make. Over the past two years, I have let unhealthy habits slip into my life. My fe**sh for ice cream became a frequent occurrence, and on more than one occasion, it was dinner. I understand and fully know the consequences, but I did it anyway.

Something has stirred within me to make a change. It might be the new season in my life in buying a new home, having my daughter and her family living with me and meditating on how I want to live the next 20, possibly 30 years.

I decided to take my prevention to the next level. I am working with my holistic chiropractor on a few previously undetected health issues. Had I not sought medical care, these underlying issues could have been the starting point for the top four causes of death.

I have given up ice cream to achieve the level of health that is needed to live longer and better. There are other things that I have done including eliminating gluten, alcohol, fried foods, and carbonated drinks. I upped my exercise, water intake and added some additional supplements. Listening to healing frequencies is a new practice as well.

Moving into my new home has allowed me to practice grounding. Grounding is literally having my feet touch the ground. I wander in my yard, which has both mud and grass, with my shoes off. The mud squishes between my toes and I feel like a kid again!

I am only two weeks into a new lifestyle. I’ve not perfected my new habits and am hopeful that they will be in place in two more weeks. I admit there were a lot of changes at once. There is a purpose to making these modifications and it is well worth it.

I met a woman yesterday, who at 83, was still mowing her lawn, working part-time cleaning houses, driving, and fully functioning mentally. She is the epitome of how I want to be living – except for cleaning houses. You get the picture. She was vibrant, active, and loving life – not just living it.

For the remaining years I have left, I want to be like my new friend. I now feel that I am fully on that path.

How do you want to live the life you have left? Reach out to me if you have questions.

05/09/2024

Surviving Loss: Navigating Mother's Day After Losing a Child

Ever since I was a young girl, giving birth to a child has been one of my biggest dreams. I wanted a child to love, hold and cherish. A child that I could love totally and would love me unconditionally.

After an emergency hospital visit while I was 38 weeks pregnant, Courtney came bounding into this world two weeks early.

She was my pride and joy with fuzzy cue-ball hair, blue eyes, and a round face. From the moment she was placed into my arms, I knew this was meant to be.

My first Mother’s Day was one of the most endearing moments as a mother. Although she was only eight and one-half months old, she brought joy to my heart. It swelled with love; absolute love that is beyond compare. Her smile lit up the room and she was just beginning to crawl.

All that was dashed when a few short weeks later she died in an accident. My heart felt like a dagger had been thrust deep into it, then twisted around and around to do as much damage as possible, finally being left there to hang adding to the pain I was already experiencing.

It is said that losing a child is one of the most heart-wrenching things that can happen to a mother. I can attest to that pain, longing for her presence and yearning to hold her.

Thirty-three years have passed since that horrible day. I look back on it now and remember that I once had pain. Today I focus on the memories.

Since that fateful day in 1991, I have lost a second child. My only son died by su***de over 5 years ago. The pain, longing, and yearning came back as an unwelcome friend.

As result of losing two children, I have become resilient, perseverant, and strong. It is like morphing from a caterpillar wrapped into an ugly cocoon that emerges as a beautiful butterfly. I am that butterfly with unique experiences and colors that make me who I am.

I am blessed to have two grown daughters and 3 grandchildren.
I want to share with you how I managed to navigate the loss of two children live a productive, joy-filled life.

Top Tips to Cope with Mother’s Day

1. Stay in the present moment. While this is difficult, focus on the fact that you are still alive and there are other people who care about you and love you. Give these activities a turn:

• Write down 3 things that you are grateful for in the moment, in the day.
• Focus on what you do have, not on what you don’t have.

2. Practice self-care. Mother’s Day can be an emotional day. So, taking care of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually is crucial. Make time for activities that nourish and rejuvenate you. Self-care encompasses many things. Give these activities a turn:

• Take a nap.
• Get a massage.
• Eat healthy food.
• Surround yourself with friends.
• Practice yoga.
• Exercise.
• Drink water.
• Pray.

3. Give yourself permission to experience opposing emotions. You might feel joy and sorrow at the same time. This is common after the loss of a child so embrace it. Feeling the pain is part of the healing process. Although it hurts now, you will get through it. Give these activities a turn:

• Listen to songs that your child enjoyed and that you enjoyed because of your child.
• Write a love letter to your child.

4. Give back to others. When you focus on doing things for others, it takes the focus off your troubles. Helping others triggers the release of oxytocin which has the effect of boosting your mood. The more oxytocin the more serotonin and dopamine. Give these activities a turn:

• Open the door for a stranger.
• Buy someone’s groceries.
• Allow someone to go in front of you on the highway or at the checkout register.
• Express your love to others with a phone call or text.

5. Set an intention for the day. It is Mother’s Day after all, and you get to decide what you would like to do. One of the things that is so often taken from us as mothers who have lost a child is our perception of control. By setting an intention, making plans you are giving yourself a sense of purpose and direction. It is a small step in healing. Give these activities a turn:

• Plan self-care activities.
• Spend time with family.
• Do something to honor your child.

Remember, always remember that you are a mother. No-one, nothing, not even not having your child with you, can take that away. You will always be a mother.

If you are having difficulty and need additional support, reach out to me for your free coaching session. Click here to schedule: https://www.thegriefspecialist.com/coaching/

03/14/2024

Live Well Part IV - Enhance Your Well-Being Through Spirituality and Religious Practices

I have experienced a colossal number of traumatic events, starting in 1991 with the death of my 9-month-old daughter. In 2018 my son died by su***de and in between the death of my children, both my parents, my sister and brother are both gone. Other traumatic events include 2 horrific car accidents, and a nasty divorce.

When my 9-month-old died, both my mom and sister did their best to wrap me in their believe in God. They invited me to attend church. I wanted nothing to do with it. I did not see the need.

Want to learn more about how spirituality and religion helped me? Click here...

02/23/2024

What stresses you out? Is it traffic? Is it having a demanding job? Is it financial hardships? Is it living through disaster – natural or manmade? Is it arguing? Is it clutter and disorganization? Is it a health issue? Is it buying a new home? Is it planning a wedding and getting married? Stress can be either a positive or negative event.

Stress is our body’s response to pressure. It is our reaction to something new, different, or challenging that can threaten your wellbeing or create the feeling of being unable to control the situation. Stress can cause a multitude of reactions.

Click here to read the full article,

02/22/2024

What stresses you out? Is it traffic? Is it having a demanding job? Is it financial hardships? Is it living through disaster – natural or manmade? Is it arguing? Is it clutter and disorganization? Is it a health issue? Is it buying a new home? Is it planning a wedding and getting married? Stress can be either a positive or negative event.

Stress is our body’s response to pressure. It is our reaction to something new, different, or challenging that can threaten your wellbeing or create the feeling of being unable to control the situation. Stress can cause a multitude of reactions.

Click here to read the full article, https://www.thegriefspecialist.com/live-well-part-i-identifying-symptoms-of-stress-that-are-harming-you/

02/15/2024

Unlocking the Secret to a Meaningful Life: Living and Dying with Purpose

I watched my dad, mom and sister endure long, painful, and extended deaths. Seeing how they died made me think long and hard about how I want to die. I saw how much they suffered, how much it hurt them and how difficult it was for me to stand by seeing their suffering. I decided I don’t want to spend my last years bedridden, and unable to enjoy life. It is also important that I don’t put my family through this either.

There is a phenomenon called “morbidity of death”. Morbidity is the state of having an illness or medical condition. Morbidity can cause death or not cause death. Morbidity, also known as disease, chronic diseases, can lead to spending years in decline. For an unhealthy person with multiple diseases, they can spend the last 10 years in decline while a healthier person might only spend the last 3 years sick and declining.

To learn more about Living Well, click here https://www.thegriefspecialist.com/unlocking-the-secret-to-a-meaningful-life-living-and-dying-with-purpose/

01/26/2024

Overcoming Fear and Embracing Change

I am in the process of selling my home and moving into a different one. It is something I have dreamed of for a long time. I have planned and strategized over how, when, and where. Realizing my dream is exciting yet I have fear around it. I second guess the finances, whether I can maintain a new mortgage, in spite of all the numbers looking good. Sometimes my mind races with the multiple decisions I need to make in order to prepare my current home to be sold. This is a huge change.

What have you not done or tried because you were afraid of the outcome? Was it a situation or circumstance that required you to adjust, asking someone out on a date, or requesting a raise? It might have involved facing the loss of a loved one and the acceptance that comes with it.

Click here to learn how to overcome fear.... https://www.thegriefspecialist.com/overcoming-fear-and-embracing-change/

01/25/2024

Overcoming Fear and Embracing Change

I am in the process of selling my home and moving into a different one. It is something I have dreamed of for a long time. I have planned and strategized over how, when, and where. Realizing my dream is exciting yet I have fear around it. I second guess the finances, whether I can maintain a new mortgage, in spite of all the numbers looking good. Sometimes my mind races with the multiple decisions I need to make in order to prepare my current home to be sold. This is a huge change.

What have you not done or tried because you were afraid of the outcome? Was it a situation or circumstance that required you to adjust, asking someone out on a date, or requesting a raise? It might have involved facing the loss of a loved one and the acceptance that comes with it.

We are hard wired to resist change. However, we as humans are pliable, flexible, and adaptable. We can learn to thrive on change and the uncertainty that comes with it.

There are some adjustments that we may not spend too much time thinking about. The changing of seasons causes us to adapt to the number of hours of daylight, wardrobe, and activities. We get used to this because it is cyclical. You can count on it happening every year. What about those one-time changes? Ones that occur once or twice?

Our fear of change is based on stories, both real and imagined ones. You may have heard or seen the acronym:

False
Expectations
Appearing
Real

Fear can be paralyzing. It can stop you from achieving your dreams and realizing your potential. It can be the roadblock that keeps you from moving forward after death of a loved one. There are two major responses to fear: biochemical and emotional. Fear alerts us to the presence of danger or the threat of harm, whether that danger is physical or psychological. Sometimes fear stems from real threats, but it can also originate from imagined dangers.

What does fear look and feel like?

Fear can be the knot in your stomach anytime you think about your challenge. It can cause physical symptoms of headache, nausea, anxiety. Your heart rate may increase, or you may experience shortness of breath. Your sleep patterns may be altered, and you may totally avoid the situation.

Dealing with fear can be exhausting and can rob you of enthusiasm and energy. It is critical to overcome your fear to regain hope, peace, and joy.

Fear can control you – if you let it. It is important to face your fear and live life on your terms. You are the captain of your ship. Make up your mind to take charge. Nothing good comes out of allowing your fear to rule your thoughts, actions, and behaviors. Instead, you must learn how to become skillful at the art of exposing your deepest fear, facing your fear, and being able to take the next step to overcome it.

How to Overcome Fear

• Learn to trust yourself. Trust that you can make good decisions.
• Test the stories you have created. Challenge them and ask if they indeed are true.
• See fear as a challenge. I have found that change has been a prerequisite for personal growth and strength in all aspects of life.
• Identify your fear. What is it exactly that you are afraid of? Understanding it empowers you to address it.
• Question what and how you think. Each time a fear-based thought enters your head, you have a choice. You can accept it as the story you believe in, or you can question it and think about it differently.
• Give yourself grace. You are learning a new skill. Keep working on it.
• Breathe through your fear. One symptom of facing fear is an increased heart rate. One tool to use when fear raises its ugly head is to use your breathing to minimize the impact fear has on you.
• Concentrate on the positive outcomes after the change.

I am focusing on why I want to move from a multi-unit condominium to a single-family home to help overcome my fear. My dog needs a backyard to roam free at her leisure. I want my three grandchildren to have a place to play without worrying about their safety. A larger home will allow me to have family and friends stay with me. I can dig in the mud, mow the lawn, and shovel the sidewalk – things that I haven’t done in 10 years.

It is worth it to face my fear so I can realize my dream of living in a single-family home.

***de

01/19/2024

It's so important to tend to your grief and give it the time and space that it needs. But so often family members and friends just don't get it. They tell us to get over it or to move on.

Peggy understands. She has walked in your shoes.

Sign-up for a one-on-one coaching session to get started. Take the first step in your healing journey.

Click here to sign up, https://www.thegriefspecialist.com/

The Grief Specialist

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