I am a therapist who is committed to working with families and individuals during the many transitio
Happy Father’s Day! This can be a day to celebrate those in our lives filling the ‘dad’ role. A dad, a step dad, an uncle, two dads, a single mom doing both. But it can also be a difficult day for those of us grieving a relationship with our dad, or the loss of our dad, or for the dads that have suffered loss. We see you❤️
Thank you for articulating all the ways we might feel!! 🥰
We have all heard about burnout, but often it’s thought of in regards to work and career. But burnout in parenthood is real and takes more than some self care to manage.
Burnout can lead us to have escape fantasies, which who hasn’t, right?! But it can also increase parental neglect and violence, leading to increased parental burnout.
Our attempts to be it all, do it all, no room for mistakes or failure have created a recipe for the exact things we have tried to avoid.
Our expectations are so high and unrealistic, how could we possibly live up? Addressing parental burnout takes the realization that we can not do it all and asking for help is not a failing. It’s bigger than us though, it’s also society’s need to recognize the load of parenthood, and supporting parents instead of also, expecting more.
So here is your reminder - you are enough, you can not and should not do it all, and asking for help is ok. You are amazing!
Parenthood can be such a transformative time in a persons life. So much so that the life they once knew is almost unrecognizable. Many parents feels isolated, a loss of self, overwhelmed by the needs of their baby, unsure, lonely. We were never meant to do this parenting thing alone. We were meant to have the wisdom of those that went before us, the solidarity of others who are in a similar stage of life, and encouragement that you are doing ok and that you are enough. Finding your village is so difficult in society today, when we live so isolated from others. Especially in these times when we must isolate. Join us tomorrow at 7pm via zoom for The Postpartum Connection to meet other moms, talk about the struggle of parenting, and feel some solidarity. We hope to connect there.
Here we talk a lot of parenthood, particularly motherhood. The disparity between white mothers and mothers of color is real and this graphic is a small representation of this. Black maternal mortality is 4 times that of white woman. The historical trauma of black mothers continues to influence the health and well-being of black mothers, fathers, children, and families today. Black lives matter. This affects us all. I see you.
There is a lot we do to prepare for our babies. Planning to conceive, birth, what is the safest car seat, what bottles will we use. On and on, the planning really doesn’t end. But a lot of what we can’t prepare for is the complete transformation that happens in motherhood. The reality of motherhood is also not always shared. So many moms say, “no one ever told me that would happen”. They feel overwhelmed, a bit lost. Join us tomorrow at The Postpartum Connection to connect with other moms and share how the transition to motherhood is going for you. Validation for this amazingly difficult time.
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Parenthood is a time of great transition. Before now, you as a parent never existed. There is some loss associated with this new parenthood. Your ‘old life’ may not fit as well now, there is grief in that loss. Most want to go back to normal after having a baby, but your normal has changed. With each change, even good change, there is discomfort and a grieving. This is normal and natural. So if you sometimes miss your ‘old life’ you are not alone ❤️
Join us!
Becoming a mother, so many things change, and quickly. You are all consumed with baby, your physically recovering, you are learning constantly and adjusting. People may stop by to hold the baby. But who holds the mom? It can feel lonely. Those late night feedings leave you feeling like the only person awake. It’s hard to get out of the house now. Now add current isolation, social distancing and quarantine. Moms need more support now more than ever. How have you been coping with new motherhood or the addition of a new baby?
Join us tonight for The Postpartum Connection at 7pm via Zoom, to connect with other moms, share how you are coping, and feel a little less alone ❤️
Like many parents, planning for a baby shower, the nursery, labor and delivery, and bringing baby home are the norm. But have you considered planning just as much your postpartum? We make birth plans, very detailed birth plans at that! But many people don’t think too much about what happens after you deliver and return home with baby. Have you considered who will visit and when? Especially under these new circumstances. Have you considered preparing meals, getting important postpartum supplies? Have you considered who you might call in for support if things get really tough? All this and more are so important and a huge part of your recovery and postpartum journey.
How did you prepare for postpartum?
Join us Thursday for The Postpartum Connection via Zoom to talk about this and so much more!
Happy Mother’s Day! This can be a day with lots of mixed emotions. Give all those feelings a place today. We can experience joy and sadness, gratitude and grief. In fact, one does not exist without the other. Today we honor all mothers.
I feel like this is even more relatable now, during these unprecedented times. It is so difficult to not be filled with anxiety and uncertainty; looking into the future, trying to figure things out, make plans. This can leave one feeling overwhelmed, understandably. Focusing on today can give back some semblance of control. And having some power over what we can control can bring about some relief. Take care during these tough times. Be gentle.
You are a mother! Your child’s life matters. You may not be able to continue to mother your child the way you intended, but we honor your motherhood. ❤️
Riding the wave...
Our emotions can be thought of like waves. Coming and going. Sometimes the waves are calm, gently lapping the shore. Sometimes those waves are huge, white caps, crashing violently.
Riding the wave means you acknowledge the emotion, but instead of trying to get rid of it or not feel it, you accept it. You allow yourself to feel the emotion, sit with that emotion, and allow it to pass.
The goal is to not block the emotion or make it go away. Or hold onto the emotion, making it bigger.
It’s called riding the wave. We can’t control which emotions come, but we can choose our reactions and try to go with the flow 🌊
Our weekly reminder to find the bright moments, the ones worth our time and attention. Things that we are looking forward too, made us smile, thankful⭐️
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I am grateful it is Friday! Phew we made it 🙃 I am thankful for the weekend, where I won’t have to balance distance learning, work, meetings, and babies. I’m sure many can relate! 😝
I am thankful for new opportunities ✨ And looking forward to camping with loved ones in the future 🏕
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What were some bright moments for you this week? Things are made you feel grateful, full of hope, at peace?
What are some things you didn’t know, that you wish you knew about life after baby?
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How is current social isolation impacting your postpartum and parenting experience?
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What supports do you have, wish you had, or have changed?
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Join us tomorrow at 7pm via Zoom to explore these questions, connect with other moms in a similar stage of life, and more.
Let us spend a few minutes thinking about what makes us smile. Right now it’s real easy to focus on our stress, anxieties, and general unhappiness. But I want to challenge you for a minute. Make a quick list...3 things that bring you joy?
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For me it’s getting outside and enjoying the sun. Laughing and conversation with people I love. And cooking and enjoying a delicious meal.
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What is one thing you can do more of today? This week?
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Did you know smiling for a minute, even if you don’t feel like it, can help boost your mood? Wow! I love that easy trick to help get us moving in a better mental direction!
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What brings you joy? What will you try to do more of this week to boost your mood?
During times of high stress and uncertainty it is easy to focus on the hard things.
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So I challenge you to find a few things that made you smile this week.
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I am grateful for the health of my family. Generous family and friends. Humor in the form of memes. And my Yeti, keeping my coffee hot until 11 am 🙃
What are a few things that helped you get through this week?
Exciting news!! ✨
Starting next Thursday will be offering a postpartum support group on the 2nd and 4th Thursday’s of the month. Since life is a little upside down, we are offering this group virtually from 7-8pm! I will be facilitating this group online via Zoom. 💫
This group is meant to be a point of connection, now more than ever, for mamas during this intensely challenging time of postpartum. This group will focus on connection, education, and exploring the transition to life with a new baby. Whether this is your first or fifth baby, every time can bring about new adjustments. The Postpartum Connection is just that, a place to connect with other women in a similar stage of life! 🌙
Bring your baby, or don’t, wear your jammies (I probably will be), or dress up. However you are, join us ❤️ Go to flowercityyoga.com for sign up! Or message me for more info.
What’s been the hardest part of your postpartum? How has social distancing made an impact on this time? Share with us below!
Let’s talk about expectations, especially right now. .
Everything is so unexpected, uncertain. But despite this, most of us still have things we need to do. Go to work, pay our bills, parent, care for our pets. Add to this, all the extra demands we didn’t expect and some additional feelings we don’t know what to do with. .
It is ok to be using this time to just do what you can. This doesn’t have to be a time of thriving. It’s awesome if it is. But for many of us we have entered uncharted waters. .
Be gentle with yourself, your partner, your kids, your parents. I believe we are all trying our best. ❤️
We all have expectations on how becoming a parent will be. Sometimes our reality doesn’t match what we expected. This can result in guilt, shame, and grief. The feelings you have are valid. You are allowed to grieve the thing you hoped for, but didn’t get.
None of us are perfect. That’s the joy and curse of being human. Every mistake is an opportunity for growth and change. Trying again is courageous, you are worth trying again ✨
At times we can feel like life is such a mess. We are overwhelmed and really unsure. Therapy is great place to sit and sort it all out. A place of non-judgment to share all the messy parts of our story. Not all is lost, there is hope for healing. We can figure it out together ✨
No matter how slow the progress, it is a step in the right direction. 💫And that takes courage! Every small change should be acknowledged. You are doing amazing work ⭐️
A traumatic birth doesn’t just affect the birthing person. It can deeply affect the birthing person’s partner. That person may have witnessed their partner in terrible pain and anguish, possibly even close to death. Couple this with possibly medical complication and then the birth of the baby, who may also have many medical needs. We need to hold families, give more support, and acknowledge that it’s ok to not be ok. Help is available.
Our sons’ premature birth and my wife's anguish sent my mental health spiralling. It’s vital dads like me share how we’re coping, writes Carl MacDonald.
Valentine’s Day is about love ❤️❤️ But how about also giving that love to someone really really important...you 🥰
Just a reminder for all the mamas out there. You are doing ok. Everyone has mom moments they are not proud of. Because being a parent is freaking hard. One of the things that does matter is the repair. When we mess up with our kids, because we will, taking accountability for our feelings and apologizing, is huge. Not only are you making a repair with your child, you are teaching them that humans can make mistakes. What an amazing example you are making, even in that moment you felt was awful! ❤️
In case no one told you today. You are doing amazing! You are enough. You matter. You bring something special and unique. You are important. ⭐️
So many well meaning people encourage parents to “not blink” because it goes too fast. I love this sentiment to normalize how difficult parenting can be. To lift up and support our fellow parents by reminding them that they will get through this, that they are doing a good job, and that they can ask for help when they struggle.
Crying is a natural response we have to a range of emotions. This includes sadness and grief, but it also includes joy and frustration. Crying has benefits you guys!! How many of you have said that a cry felt cleansing? 🙋🏼♀️ It really is. When we cry, research has found emotional tears release endorphins and even oxytocin. These feel good chemicals enhance our mood and our tears actually release toxins too, like stress hormones. So go ahead, cry it out. 🥰🌈
I am excited to share that I will be partnering with Flower City Yoga to offer a group, The Postpartum Connection, starting in April.
The Postpartum Connection is a therapeutic group offering education and support for women in the postpartum period.
This group will provides a safe and supportive space for women in the first 2 years postpartum, to come together to explore and process the changes that come along with parenting and motherhood.
I am so excited to be able to bring this important space to our community.
For more info: www.christinasmalleycounseling.com
I am so excited to have Christina Smalley leading our Postpartum Connection, beginning in April.
My name is Christina and I am a licensed clinical social worker passionate about supporting women and families during the ups and downs of parenthood. I have a private practice in the community specializing in maternal mental health care and I do community work where I support young mothers prenatally through their first few years parenting. Being a mother myself to three busy kiddos, I am drawn to helping normalize the ups and downs that come with motherhood. Becoming a mother is such a special time for many, one that many have thought about for years. However, it is also a time of huge transformation in almost all areas of our lives. I am deeply aware of how difficult the transition can be and how important seeking help and support is for families during this time. For me, becoming a mother opened my heart and fueled my passion to connect with other women through their own experiences with motherhood. When I am not doing this important work with families, I enjoy spending time with my family, cooking, photography, yoga, spending time in nature, and camping. I am excited to connect with and support the women in our community around their pregnancy, postpartum, and motherhood experiences.
It can be hard to get out of this mindset and downwards spiral when we have had a bad day. Add a few more bad days, weeks, even months, and it can feel like life has taken a terrible turn. And in fact, things may feel terrible. But that doesn’t mean the entirety of your life is terrible. You also have power in how you see things and how you choose to react. You can change your perspective and wow, THAT can be the most powerful thing!
Birthing has been happening for a long time. Doing this whole raising humans thing, in such isolation, is relatively new. Becoming a mother doesn’t mean you are no longer in need of support, guidance, rest. Let us lift up our fellow mothers, offer support, give grace, and have connection.
Say it again!! 🙌🏼🙌🏼 self care is so so important. Yes, self care can be a face mask, getting your nails done, and buying new underwear (because we know you haven’t in years!) It can also be as big as asking for help, making moving your body a priority, journaling, getting a house keeper, reconnecting with your partner or friends. You were a person before you became a parent. Don’t forget how important you are too! What do you do for self care?
“I just want to be happy” is something I have said myself, heard from friends, family, and clients. The hard truth is, happiness is not the absence of all negative emotions or feelings. Life has a way of knocking all of us down at one time or another; Making us doubt, feel stressed, grieve, etc. This is a part of this human experience. And guess what? That is ok. But it doesn’t have to be all of it. Joy, gratitude, and happiness are a part of life too. All these feelings can exist together.
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Send a message to Christina Smalley Counseling:
Hi! My name is Christina and I am a therapist who is committed to working with families and individuals during the many transitions in ones life. I specialize in maternal and family wellness, which means I support mothers, fathers, and families navigate life during the vulnerable periods of pregnancy, postpartum, parenting, and beyond. The journey into parenthood can be joyous and beautiful, but can also bring about feelings of self doubt, memories of past trauma, depression, anxiety, grief, and longing. Your story is important and I provide a space to explore both your positive and negative feelings and share your truth.
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