Another Day Another Memory (A.D.A.M.)

Our annual memorial event last evening was very moving. The butterfly release was a beautiful way to honor our loved ones. Thank you to everyone who attended. Remember - you are not alone in your journey through grief. 🦋

Don't fear being broken. That's a tough one.

Today is National Grief Awareness Day, and I recognize how everyone is struggling in their own way. Many don’t express their pain. Today may you embrace compassion for yourself and others. Your grief is a reflection of your love.

We try and prepare ourselves for the big ones: the birthdays, the holidays, the anniversaries.

But, for me, it’s always been the subtle and unexpected things that will trigger me the most: a scent, a song, a situation.

They are a hard piece of grief to navigate as they can be unpredictable and unplanned for.

And if you’re experiencing one today, please be gentle with yourself. 🙏🏻

How can any of us who have lived intense grief, who know far too well that the unusual and unlikely do in fact happen, all the time – how do we keep showing up? ⁣
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It’s not a question with an answer. But it’s there, it’s constant. The knowledge that every beautiful thing can disappear, and yet we make beauty anyway.⁣
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The knowledge that when we choose to love, we choose to face death and grief and loss, again and again and again, just as much as we choose the friendlier parts of love.⁣
It’s all there, present and contained, in everything.⁣
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Because this is such a tricky thing, this love, this living here, it’s all worth saying again:⁣
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When I moved to the Pacific Northwest, I knew I was moving to a place full of rivers. Yet somehow I didn’t realize what it would be like for me to live in a place full of rivers.⁣
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Watching my partner drown in a fast moving river has changed my experience of water. I mean… obviously. The tricky thing is that I still love rivers. I still need them. When I first saw the Columbia River as I drove into Oregon, I burst into tears. I knew this was the river that would take me back home.⁣
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The reality is less poetic and more forcefully brutal: as I began to wander the shorelines with new friends, the fragility of life-as-we-know-it shouts extremely loud. Being at the waters’ edge, I can’t shake that intense feeling that everything I have worked so hard for could disappear in an instant. Again.⁣
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All of us, each one of us here, knows how suddenly, how irreversibly, life can change. In an instant. And yet we are still here. We do our best to show up, to love, to keep loving, even when we know nothing in this life lies inside our control.⁣
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So how do we keep exploring, growing, connecting, knowing that indeed, yes: it could happen again?⁣
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For me, these days, this means moving slowly, with intention and gentleness for myself. It means being honest about my fears while not letting those fears shove me into a tiny, unsatisfied life. It means coming back to the water.⁣
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How about you? Are there places that the tenuous nature of life shines (or shouts) most clearly? How do you keep showing up, knowing things can change at any time?

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My Mom doesn't know I'm watching her But I'm watching her just the same.
And I hear each tear fall on her face At the very mention of my name.
She says it sounds like music to her ears And can be heard over a crowd.
Oh, I hear each tear fall on her face When my name is said aloud.

I watch her stumble through each day as she wishes the day would end.
And I hear each tear fall on her face as she talks of me to her friends.
But there are few who truly understand. Oh this I've heard her proclaim.
And I hear each tear fall on her face. Will my Mom ever be the same?

I know that her smiles light up a sky. But I don't see that smile today.
Oh, but I hear each tear fall on her face. Her blue skies have turned to gray.
Oh I send to her my warmest hug with the rays of the morning sun.
Then, I won't hear a tear fall on her face. For I shall erase them one by one.

Yes, my Mom doesn't know I'm watching her. But I'm watching her just the same.
And if I hear a tear fall on her face I'll just softly whisper her name.

-author unknown
~Narelle ❤

💗

Grief is not “once and done”. It’s a process.

At first the moments come so fast and thick it’s hard to breathe in between. Eventually they spread out and there may be entire days when my heart, mind and body can rest a bit.

But there are always new spaces where Dominic should be but isn’t and the discovery of those places shocks me still. ❤️

Many will tell you, there’s no right or wrong way to grieve.

And sometimes, that ends the conversation.

But, maybe, just maybe, a heart that is achy and cracked, needs a little more guidance than that.

I’ve always wondered exactly what ‘right’ is and what ‘wrong’ is.

I also wonder if, sometimes, people say this because it’s easier than asking specifics about your person or your grief like:

*the last moments before their death
*what time of day your achy heart, is achy-est
*what you miss most
*what it’s like to have no memories
*what you imagine the future to be like without your person

Maybe it’s not that there is no right or wrong way, but rather, maybe there is a ‘gentler and healthier’ way.

When you are ready, you might share memories; talk of your person and your feelings; and find ways to move your body.

Most of all, I hope you will find the ways to meet your grieving heart, right where it is.

Growing up, my Dad had an amazing photo of himself at the base of the Matterhorn.

Every single time I walked into his office, I stared at it, amazed by its beauty and the vibrant energy that bounced off the large poster.

He loved that photo, so when I went to Switzerland in 2018, I recreated it the best I could.

In many ways, my Dad was my hero, but I can assure you he was very human, very flawed, and even drove me nuts now and again. He had 4 strong, successful and independent daughters but he still had a hard time really letting me (his last born) grow up.

His death has left a deep void in my heart. I miss our chats, his annoying directions to places I’d been 100’s of times and just the way he loved to check on me.

I look at this photo and realize just how much of an impact he had on my life. He is the reason I love nature, hiking, coaching, helping others and of course, self-development. He is also the reason I have other forms of childhood baggage, but isn’t it amazing how we forget any negative when someone dies and we focus on only the good they brought to our lives. No parent is without mistake, I know I’m a flawed parent in many things that I do, but like my Dad, the love is real and the intentions are good.

So as I stand before a mountain of grief tonight, and I long for 3 humans that brought me so much love and counsel, I am reminded that we don’t summit any mountain in one giant step, but rather one small step, repeated again and again.

Regardless of the mountains before you, remember to hold steady, focus on the next step and keep climbing towards the summit.

You will reach it, rest, find solace and continue on your journey.

That’s what life is all about.

Goodnight world,

Michelle 💙🦋

❤️❤️🙏🙏 💔💔 😢😢

We are looking forward to meeting your beautiful children as they learn to deal with their grief. Groups start in 6 days. If you are on the fence about attending, please consider and rsvp. If we don't have enough children we will have to reschedule. We hate to do that to the children already registered. Children will find the groups fun as well as healing. They don't have to talk as children will learn through art, books, and play.

It's just common sense.

If YOU died, would you want to be forgotten?

No, you would want to be remembered with love, laughter and joy.

Saying their name does not make you stuck, it makes you human.

It means you love them enough to remember their lives and smile.

💙

Constant reminder to myself.

Woman tried to sell her shoes to pay for grandpa’s funeral. An NFL star stepped in

Woman tried to sell her shoes to pay for grandpa’s funeral. An NFL star stepped in The NFL star gave one grieving family an incredible gift.

“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning.

You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up.

And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness.

Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.”

♥️ Louise Erdrich

Timeline photos

A beautiful and heartbreaking sculpture. You don't have to go it alone.

"Several years ago I was commissioned by Integris Baptist Hospital in Oklahoma City to sculpt a bronze figure for the memory garden at the hospital. As I considered the emotions that needed to be expressed....I recalled the countless times I heard bereaved parents say "my heart has been ripped from my chest".

This sculpture is in honor of all bereaved parents who are aware of the empty place in their heart. It still hurts, some days more than others. I want to encourage bereaved parents to reach out to a safe person...talk about your loss, your pain, your feelings. The empty place will always be there, but it can soften. May God be near to you."

- Message from Bob Willis creator of this sculpture.

Life is going to give you more than you can handle!

It's not fair, and it's not okay.

I don't believe we are only given what we can handle because sometimes what we've been given is more than we should be asked to handle.

It's not a matter of some people being strong, and others being weak. It's not a matter of some people being inspirational and not.

It is a matter of getting up each day, doing what you can, the best way you know how, and muddling through.

I guess to an outsider not walking your path that can appear inspirational, but to those of us who have walked through the fire we know, it's merely just what has to be done to survive.

Goodnight world,

Michelle 💙

Photos from a previous A.D.A.M. Butterfly Memorial. Join us on September 12, 2022 for this year's FREE event to honor those we have lost. Register by calling 517-782-2551 or email [email protected]

A.D.A.M. Memorial Butterfly Release September 12, 2022

Our Annual Event Returns this Summer. This is a free event for anyone who has lost a loved one. Hotdog dinner, refreshments, and butterflies provided for each guest.

Date: September 12, 2022
Time: 5:30pm-7:00pm
Location: Gene Davis & Sons, 3575 Francis St, Jackson, MI
Register: 517-782-2551 or [email protected]
Registration Deadline: September 7, 2022

We look forward to seeing you at this annual memorial event! Bring your family and friends and celebrate your loved one in a community of others who understand your loss.

I've done it hundreds of times. Most parents of child loss have done this. We pick up a shirt or blanket of our child's and touch it, hold it close to our face, smell it. We just want to feel something close to us that was our child's! If only......if only we'd had more time together, but we didn't.

😉 -What’s in her head

It's ok.

Timeline photos

{find hope and healing at http://stillstandingmag.com/ }

Good morning Poetry lovers ❤️❤️
(Pinterest)

What you put your attention on grows. This is a basic law of neuroscience. So -- over time -- if you continue to focus exclusively on anger or the unbearable sorrow, those feelings will grow. And if you continue to bring your attention back, again and again, to love, to gratitude, and to compassion, then those feelings will grow.

💛 shared from: _stand.for.the.silent

Photos from Aunty Anne's Corner of Life's post