Complex PTSD Warrior

02/01/2026

C-PTSD doesn’t always show up as a breakdown. ❤️‍🩹

Sometimes it looks like…

• Overexplaining
• People-pleasing
• Staying busy so you don’t have to feel
• Assuming you’re “too much”
• That familiar feeling that you’re in trouble
• Bracing for the next bad thing
• Choosing familiar over healthy

If you can relate, you’re not broken - you adapted to your environment the only way you knew how. ❤️‍🩹

And it IS possible to unlearn what kept you safe back then - at a pace your body can handle today. 🌿

Full article in first comment below👇

Share it with someone who needs a little more compassion right now. 🫶

02/01/2026

For decades, my long hair felt like safety - a shield I could hide behind. 🛡️

Then healing happened - and I did something I never thought I’d do.
I cut it short. ✂️

It felt like confidence.
Like growth.
Like… “I don’t need to hide anymore.” 🌿

Short. Sassy. Empowering. ✨🩷

But deep down… my inner teen still had a dream. 😅

Blue Lagoon. Brooke Shields.
That iconic hair that could cover your b***s. 🙈😂

And now… with the miracle of hair extensions, here we are. 💁‍♀️✨

Turns out healing can look like boundaries, nervous system work, AND finally letting yourself have the hair you wanted when you were 13. 😄🩷

Also - the beautiful song in this is by my sweet, wildly talented friend, . 🎶🩷

Question for you: If your inner teen could pick ONE thing for you to do this year… what would it be? ✨

01/01/2026

For trauma survivors, resolutions are the last thing we need… 😮‍💨

Because a lot of us already live like we’re constantly trying to “do better.”

So when January rolls around and the world starts yelling “new year, new you,” it can feel like… cool, one more place I’m failing.

What actually helps is smaller.
Softer.
More realistic.
Less pressure - more support.

That’s why I’m suggesting eliminations over resolutions this year.

Not “what should I add?”
More like: “what can I stop doing that’s draining me?”

Because honestly… we don’t need more goals.
We need more breathing room. 🩷

What’s one thing you’re eliminating this year?
Drop it in the comments - I’ll cheer you on. 👏

01/01/2026

Nearly 9 months after starting on Substack, it’s become my cozy little corner of the internet where I share: personal C-PTSD stories + C-PTSD education in everyday, relatable language + easy nervous-system tools.

Of the nearly 100 Substack posts I wrote this year, here are the Top 5.
If you’re new here, start with these + save for later.

Want more like this?
Subscribe (free) on Substack.
Link in first comment

31/12/2025

Repeat this as often as needed❤️

28/12/2025

So much of our exhaustion comes from trying to manage what was never ours to manage — other people’s opinions, moods, choices, and reactions. We explain ourselves, defend ourselves, overthink every interaction, and carry emotional weight that doesn’t belong to us.

That’s not strength.
That’s self-abandonment.

Your real work is simpler — and deeper.

🪷 Stay rooted in who you are, even when others misunderstand you.
🪷 Act with integrity, even when it’s unnoticed or unappreciated.
🪷 Stay devoted to your own growth, not your image.
🪷 Let go of what isn’t yours to carry — guilt that isn’t yours, emotions that aren’t yours, responsibilities that were never meant for you.

When you stop trying to control the outside world, something powerful happens inside.
Your mind quiets.
Your energy returns.
Your peace becomes non-negotiable.

You begin to respond instead of react.
You choose clarity over chaos.
You move forward without dragging unnecessary weight behind you.

🌱 Not everything deserves your attention.
Not everyone deserves access to your inner world.

Life feels lighter when you stop carrying what doesn’t belong to you — and start honoring who you are becoming.

28/12/2025

❤️‍🩹

Why the Christmas Season Is a Sad Time for Some People — and How We Can Support Those Struggling

- written by Dr. Lynne McCarthy ©️

Although the Christmas season is widely promoted as a period of joy, connection, and celebration, it is equally a time in which many individuals experience increased sadness, loneliness, and psychological distress.

The Christmas period is typically associated with positive affect, family unity, generosity, and tradition. However, psychological literature indicates that this same period can trigger or amplify negative emotional states for many people. The contrast between societal expectations of cheerfulness and individuals’ internal emotional experiences often generates cognitive dissonance, isolation, and shame. Understanding the psychological drivers of holiday sadness is critical for developing meaningful interventions that enhance wellbeing during this time.

Psychological Factors Contributing to Holiday Sadness

Social Isolation and Loneliness

Loneliness is a key predictor of depression, anxiety, and reduced subjective wellbeing. During the festive season, individuals without close family networks, those estranged from loved ones, or those living alone may experience intensified loneliness due to the heightened visibility of social togetherness. Research shows that perceived social isolation—rather than actual isolation—is the more powerful determinant of emotional distress. The pervasive cultural narrative of Christmas as a time for family amplifies these perceptions and deepens emotional pain.

Bereavement and Emotional Triggers

Holidays often serve as emotional landmarks that remind individuals of lost loved ones. The absence of a significant family member or close friend becomes more pronounced during traditionally shared rituals. Grief may resurface even years after a loss, a phenomenon known as anniversary reactions. These reactions can manifest as sadness, yearning, irritability, or fatigue. The cyclical nature of holidays reinforces these patterns, making the season particularly difficult for the bereaved.

Financial Pressure and Stress

Gift-giving expectations, increased consumption, and social events introduce financial strain that can heighten anxiety. Individuals with limited financial resources may experience shame, guilt, or inadequacy, particularly in contexts where festive spending is highly normalized. Financial stress is strongly correlated with depressive symptoms and impaired coping capacity.

Family Conflict and Unresolved Dynamics

For some, the Christmas season brings exposure to dysfunctional family dynamics, unresolved trauma, or interpersonal conflict. Reunions that force contact with difficult relatives can provoke stress responses and emotional overwhelm. Anticipatory anxiety related to family gatherings may begin weeks before the holiday itself.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)

In some regions, the Christmas season coincides with winter’s reduced daylight hours, contributing to Seasonal Affective Disorder—a subtype of depression driven by circadian rhythm disruption and neurochemical changes. Low energy, reduced motivation, and persistent sadness can therefore coincide with holiday expectations, creating a stark emotional contrast.

Performance Pressure and Unrealistic Expectations

Cultural depictions of the “perfect Christmas” create psychological pressure for individuals to curate meaningful experiences, maintain harmony, and project happiness. When this ideal is not met, people may experience feelings of inadequacy or failure. This form of emotional labour further intensifies distress.

Sociocultural Influences

Media Amplification

Holiday advertising, films, and social media reinforce highly idealised portrayals of family unity and abundance. This reinforces social comparison processes—particularly upward comparisons—that reduce self-esteem and heighten feelings of deficiency.

Cultural Obligations and Norms

Within many societies, Christmas is tied to rituals, religious roots, and familial duty. Individuals who do not celebrate the holiday, who have complex family structures, or who experience cultural displacement may feel alienated or pressured to participate.

Workload Intensification

Certain professions experience increased workloads during the festive season (retail, hospitality, healthcare, emergency services). Heightened stress and lack of rest predispose individuals to burnout, emotional exhaustion, and irritability.

Supporting Individuals Who Struggle During the Christmas Season

Promote Open Acknowledgment of Emotional Diversity

Normalising that the holiday season can evoke sadness helps reduce stigma. Encouraging transparent communication in families, workplaces, and communities can create psychological safety and reduce feelings of isolation among those who struggle.

Encourage Connection Through Alternative Communities

People without traditional family networks can benefit from peer support groups, community gatherings, volunteer activities, and digital connection platforms. These alternative communities foster a sense of belonging and purpose without requiring traditional family structures.

Validate Grief and Create Space for Memory

For the bereaved, supportive practices include remembering lost loved ones through rituals, storytelling, or symbolic actions. Acknowledging grief rather than suppressing it reduces emotional load and facilitates healthier processing.

Reduce Financial Pressures

Families and groups can adopt low-cost traditions, emphasize presence over presents, or set clear expectations about gift-giving. Educational messaging that promotes financial wellbeing reduces guilt and anxiety.

Flexible Boundaries in Family Dynamics

Encouraging individuals to set boundaries around gatherings, topics of discussion, and time commitments can help mitigate exposure to conflict. Psychologists recommend preparing coping strategies in advance, such as exit plans or neutral conversation cues.

Mental Health Support

Professional support—whether traditional therapy, online counselling, or crisis helplines—provides structured guidance and emotional regulation strategies. Public messaging campaigns during the festive period can ensure individuals know where and how to access support.

Light Exposure and Activity for SAD

For individuals affected by Seasonal Affective Disorder, light therapy, regular outdoor activity, and consistent sleep routines can mitigate symptoms. Communities and employers can encourage these behaviours through awareness campaigns.

The Christmas season is emotionally complex. While widely celebrated as a period of connection and joy, it also heightens vulnerability for many individuals due to loneliness, grief, financial strain, family tensions, and seasonal factors. Recognising the multidimensional nature of holiday distress allows communities, families, and mental health practitioners to develop inclusive, compassionate support systems. Creating realistic expectations, encouraging meaningful connection, and validating emotional diversity are essential steps toward ensuring the festive season is supportive rather than isolating for those struggling.

Copyright ©️ The Counsellor

28/12/2025

Some people don’t hear what’s being said.
They hear what the past has taught them to fear.
A calm sentence can sound like an attack.
A small correction can feel like rejection.
Because the wound becomes the filter.
Healing doesn’t just change how life feels.
It changes what the mind is able to hear.

27/12/2025

Oof. This is so true.
The scapegoat wasn’t the problem - they were the pressure valve.�So when they leave, the dysfunction doesn’t “start”…
It just becomes impossible to keep hiding. 💔
Because the chaos was always there.�They were just the one carrying it.

🫶 If you’ve lived this, comment ❤️‍🩹�✨ Share this with someone who’s finally stepping out of the scapegoat role.
�

When the scapegoat leaves a dysfunctional system,
it doesn’t create chaos.

It reveals it.

For years, the scapegoat served a very specific function:
absorbing blame,
diffusing tension,
carrying the emotional consequences
of problems they didn’t create.

They were the pressure valve.
The emotional landfill.
The one everyone could point to
so no one else had to look at themselves.

So when you stepped away —
when you went quiet,
created distance,
or stopped participating —

the system didn’t grieve you.

It panicked.

Because without the scapegoat:
• the abuser loses a target
• the enablers lose protection
• the unspoken rules start collapsing

Suddenly the tension has nowhere to go.

The anger starts bouncing around the room.
The dysfunction becomes visible.
The roles stop working.

And that’s when the narrative shifts.

You’re called selfish.
Cold.
Unforgiving.
Unstable.
“Changed.”

Not because you harmed anyone —
but because your absence removed the buffer
that kept everyone else comfortable.

This is why enablers react so strongly
when the scapegoat leaves.

Your presence allowed them to avoid responsibility.
Your silence allowed them to stay “neutral.”
Your suffering allowed them to keep their self-image intact.

When you exited,
you didn’t just protect yourself —
you exposed the structure.

And exposure is intolerable to people
who survived by not seeing.

So they scramble to pull you back:
through guilt,
through urgency,
through rewriting history,
through moral pressure.

“Can’t you just move on?”
“Why are you holding onto this?”
“Do you know how hard this is for everyone?”

What they’re really saying is:
Your distance is destabilising the system we rely on.

But hear this clearly:

You did not break the family.
You revealed what was already broken.

You are not responsible for what surfaces
when you stop absorbing harm.

The panic you triggered
is not evidence that you were wrong —
it’s evidence that your role
was never about love.

It was about containment.

And choosing to leave that role
is not abandonment.

It’s intelligence.

It’s self-preservation.

It’s the moment you stopped regulating
a system that survived by burning you.

24/12/2025

⌛️🎄 Dec. 23: Christmas crunch time…
If you’re feeling like your brain has 37 open tabs right now, you’re not alone.

I made a quick Holiday Overwhelm Mini Toolkit last year for exactly this week - something super easy I could reach for when I couldn’t think.

🎄❤️‍🩹 Want it?
🔗 Link in the first comment below👇