07/12/2021
We gon do it different today 😬
Today vs 2018
If body dysmorphia was a person, it would be my girl on the right. 🤒
It was 2018, and I had recently left one demanding job for another, even more demanding job. I was under-eating, over-training, super stressed, anxious, and not sleeping enough. Not to mention my personal life was completely fu**ed.
I had gotten pretty lean. I weighed about 138 and was 16% body fat or so. I remember when I first took the picture, I was actually PROUD!! I posted a transformation collage to show my progress. It had been like a couple weeks between the photos and I had lost 5% body fat. I didn't even consider how unhealthy that actually was.
(Do u see how skinny that arm is??? 😳)
All I knew at that point was I was going to "get some abs" or die trying. And the more I saw the fat melting away, the closer I thought I was. I didn't stop to think that my body was eating itself 😔
Some people commented that I had gotten too slim. I couldn't see it in the mirror. I just saw that I needed to lose more inches. Work out harder. Eat less and less and suppress my hunger as long as I could.
A blast from the past from when I had struggled with anorexia/bulimia in my childhood.
I started to notice the relation between the way I was treating my body, and how satisfied I was with my life. I was training hard and restricting my diet because I felt my life was spiraling out of control.
Needless to say I left that job. And my life is nowhere near as stressful as it was then. And I take care of myself now!
I learned to love myself at all stages. Even the stages when i am not showing myself love. And even though I DID sn**ch that waist pretty good, I dont prefer how I looked in that right photo. I dont like how I felt about myself in that photo either. But im grateful for everything that got me to that point. 💚