03/15/2026
“Can someone tell me how to find information about the menus at the dining hall? My teen can’t find it.”
“My teen lost his gym uniform…what should he do?”
“How do we buy Homecoming tickets?”
“My daughter forgot her lunch and hates the cafeteria food. Where can I drop it off?”
If read one by one, they’re not a big deal. Just parents helping their kids out.
But these are common comments we see all the time in parent groups of high school and college students. None of these problems are that major, and all are something that a tween or teen could figure out on their own if just given the chance.
Sometimes, today’s parents are going a step further. They might call up a coach to ask why they aren’t playing their kid more. Or, they might email a teacher to request a grade change. Some parents are even contacting college professors to ask if their kid could miss a day of school for a family vacation (read: 10 Important Things Parents Should Never Do for Their College Freshman)
There is an epidemic of overparenting right now, and we’re robbing our kids of the most valuable part of their life journey: the opportunity to build the important skills to both survive and thrive in this complicated world.
Why do parents feel the need to minimize their kids’ struggles?
Parents are biologically compelled to protect their offspring. Our first instinct is always to shield our children from hardship, danger, and challenges. We want to protect them from pain, disappointment, and failure, sometimes at all costs.
However, allowing our teens to struggle can be one of the most valuable gifts we can give them. So why is it so hard?
That’s a complicated answer. There are many reasons why parents today feel more inclined to fix our teens’ problems.
Anxiety and stress: A recent Surgeon General’s advisory reported that there is a current crisis regarding the mental health of parents. 48% of parents say that most days, their stress is completely overwhelming compared to 26% among other adults. Some parents fix their children’s problems to mitigate additional stress.
Constant negative media: With a 24-hour news cycle, parents are constantly barraged with scary information about the world today. This heightened awareness of dangers such as violence, bullying, drugs, etc. causes many parents to feel the need to protect their kids.
Academic pressures: The complexities and cost of college admissions have completely skewed the high school experience for many students, and some parents feel they must intervene to ensure their child has a shot at a “good” future.
Focus on activities: Many kids want to build a strong “resume” or social capital, so their parents try to get them into as many or the most competitive extracurriculars possible. Because of the cost and time involved, many parents step in to ensure their child succeeds.
Cultural shifts: After the latchkey parenting of the 80s and 90s, many parents desire a more hands-on approach.
Mental health awareness: There is a growing recognition of mental health issues among children and teens. Parents might intervene more to help their children cope with anxiety, depression, and other challenges.
Past trauma: Many parents are dealing with past issues as they relate to their self-esteem and want to live vicariously through their teen or want to ensure their child does not have a similar experience to their own.
5 Benefits for Teens Who Learn How to Get Through a Struggle
1. Building Resilience
According to the American Psychological Association, resilience is not an innate quality but a set of skills that can be learned. By facing difficulties, teens learn how to cope, adapt, and ultimately overcome obstacles. This experience becomes foundational as they transition into adulthood, where challenges will inevitably arise.
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