11/20/2025
This truly hit home. Thanks Adriane for sharingโค๏ธ
Boy, it was a rough day.
And I am mad at myself for letting it unravel in the way it did.
I should have known- I did know- but I struggle to believe myself.
In my committment to help Amos, I encouraged him to push through what I didnโt understand.
On Monday, he stayed home after refusing breakfast and saying his tummy hurt.
I had a colonoscopy scheduled and knew better than to send him and then have to figure out how to pick him up if ended up sick.
On Monday afternoon, he announced there would be no school on Tuesday either and I corrected him.
We argued about it for most of the evening.
โSchool is dangerous.โ
โSchool is not safe.โ
โI cannot go to school.โ
But, I persisted the next morning.
โMommy, Iโm crying,โ he said to me after I wrestled him into socks and shoes.
Instead of respecting his feelings, I decided he had to go.
I can no longer physically carry him so I used the threat of cancelling our trip to Florida to get him out of the car.
I texted his teacher for help and left him lying on the sidewalk.
She called me before I had gotten home.
He had kicked over a concrete bench and she was worried he could hurt himself.
I turned around and headed back to school.
I found him lying on a rigid couch in the entry hall.
Several adults stood by while he lay on his back, his face shielded by his trusty blankie.
I felt a need to be the enforcer.
I felt I should look stern, be stern, be a disciplinarian.
I refused to take him to his beloved McDonaldโs.
After a few hours at home, we got his cheeseburgers.
We cuddled his service dog and talked about school on Wednesday.
He was up and dressed today and hopped in the car.
โNo school tomorrow,โ he said.
โI hear you,โ I said and added, โLetโs see how the day goes and we can decide later.โ
I made a lot of mistakes yesterday and today, Iโm learning.
Amos has lots of words but at twelve years old, he canโt tell me whatโs bothering him.
I wish I knew what he canโt articulate.
I adore his teachers and so, we met today and talked med changes and possible triggers.
Maybe there are none, but I will do my best.
Someone asked me yesterday how I teach him to self-advocate.
โI am learning to listen,โ I said.
I promise, Amos.